Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2010 - Kindred Oaks, Georgetown
So here’s the story: My parents are divorced and have been since I was 6 – so 19 years. They are not involved in eachother’s lives at all anymore. They live in separate states.
So basically when I told my dad I was getting married he offered to help pay. Since then he’s kinda been very vague as to what he wants to pay for and how much he’s willing to contribute. Instead he sends me articles on what the brides parents are supposed to contribute.
He keeps making comments about whether my mom’s going to contribute. I told him that her husband was out of work for over a year and just recently found a job so their money situation is not the best. I told my mom she could contribute if she felt like she could monetarily. However I know she’ll contribute help with crafts and baking and such so I figured that was enough.
So last nignt my dad decided that since I’m taking my mom to look at the dress I found that she should pay for the dress. When I told her what he said, she decided on principle alone that she would not pay for the dress. She doesn’t want to do anything he suggests.
Ugh…who cares who suggested what? It’s about my wedding not my mom and dad. Am I being do sensitive? or selfish perhaps? Any suggestions for how I can handle this situation.
Post # 3
i would ask dad what exact value can he contribute and when can you expect his cheque then bank the cheque and use it as you need to
i reckon less detail between the 2 of them the better. when dad does try to bring up the mum contribution bit you need to say ‘we’re not talking about that dad, we are talking about you and me and your daugthers wedding’
Post # 4
I don’t think that you are being selfish AT ALL! Your mom is not paying for your dress out of spite for your dad which is unfair to you!
I would talk to your mom and let her know that it would mean a lot to you if she wanted to contribute and that you will not tell your dad of her contribution and hope that she comes around! I would also keep what each parent is paying for and their opinions of what the other should pay for on the down low!
And I agree with eloping ask your dad flat out what he is willing to contribute so that you can budget accordingly!
Post # 5
I am an older bride and did not expect any contribution to our wedding. It’s my FI’s 1st wedding, my 2nd. His parents are divorced and each want to contribute. Each of them started discussing with us seperate items they want to contribute towards and I put a stop to it immediatley. I said if they want to contribute, they should decide how much and we will put it in the wedding fund. I do not want any settling of invoices going on at the wedding or any showboating of who-paid-what. Just start a special bank account for the wedding and discuss how much they want to contribute and give them the info. Don’t give them an opportunity to make this about them.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2010 - Kindred Oaks, Georgetown
Thank ya’ll so much for your advice. It’s all very good. I’m gonna have to try some of that stuff!
Post # 7
My parents are petty in the same way. This could literally be my post. I refuse to talk to my mom about my father’s contributions, and vice versa. When it comes up, I make it very clear that they are crossing the line. I’m fully prepared to pay for everything myself due to their pettiness.
I think you’ve gotten some great advice here, and I’ll probably try some of it as well. Good luck!
Post # 9
K, that would annoy me too. It is always a strange situation when you see your parents behaving immaturely. I’ve seen it and I’m like “really? shouldn’t I be the one acting like a child if anyone?” lol.
I think you should ask your father what he’s willing to pay. Becareful though, I did this and mine tweaked out! He said I backed him into a corner (wth?) but I then had to further explain that its necessary to know before you can really move forward so you know how much more you’ll need to save. Eventually, and with no enthusiasm at all, he gave me a number. You also may wanna ask nicely for him to leave your Mother out of it. He shouldn’t impose his opinions on you. As for your Mother, just remind her this is about you, not him. So to be spiteful will only effect you, and that’s not cool!
I hope it all works out.
Post # 10
Find out what dad is willing to contribute while leaving mom’s contributions out of it. You shouldn’t necessarily expect them to pay for “x, y, or z” but rather contribute what they can IF they feel they are able to.
Your dad probably just doesn’t want to pay for your whole wedding, which is understandable. And being a man, he’s probably just loooking up the information to see what is “right”.Definitely keep them out of each others’ businesses. If you play monkey in the middle with them it will only get a million time worse. Your dad might get resentful that he is paying, whereas your mother is helping.
Just ask him if he’ll contribute a dollar amoutn and say you’ll use it towards “food and dj” or something vague.
Post # 11
It sounds like your parents are using this to feud, which is not fair to you! I would sit your dad down and explan that to him and ask him how much he can contribute and go from there. Good luck!