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I never had any concerns with J when we were in an LDR for over a year. We actually knew we could trust one another and not have a thing to worry about. Of course others were negative nellies, but it didn't matter. All we did was prove them wrong.
I understand how frustrating it can be, but just ignore them. You two will be just fine.
How long will you two be in a LDR?
It's tough but a strong relationship can survive it! My husband and I are possibly going to be long distance for 6 months or more coming up. Just make time to talk but also try to keep yourself busy so you don't sit around and wallow.
Totally agreed with DesireeAnne: haters gonna hate, and you just have to stay positive! FH and I have been long distance our entire relationship (just over 2 years) and he's driving here now to move in with me--eep! Time to get off the computer and clean!
Long distance doesnt work for some people so they assume it doesnt work for anyone. Just ignore the negative comments, and take inspiration from all the bees and other people that have survived LDR
I was in a LDR with my FI (he was still my bf at that time) for 18 months before I moved to be with him. We lived 5000km and various time-differences apart and could only see each other every 4 or 5 months. I think most people make negative comments because they don't understand LDR or they could never imagine themselves in one (it is a lot of hard-work).
Trust me, the LDR work, and sometimes I think the work better then "normal" relationships. I got to know my FI so much better because of all of our long-distance calls and e-mails. And when we did get to see each other, we made sure it was quality and meaningful time together.
Don't let these people get you down. When things work out for you two, they will probably be the first ones to tell you "I always knew you two would work out!!!!"
Best of Luck!!!
Ignore it. Just because it doesn't work for them doesn't mean they should say anything, when a relationship is strong it will make it through anything. My FI and I were long distance for a year while he finished school... we were fine. My sister and her husband were long distance the whole 3 years they were dating and the first year of their marriage (waiting for his visa to come through) and they have been happily married for almost ten years.
Well the next time someone says that just say in a really loud voice "YEAH I KNOW RIGHT WHAT A WASTE OF MY TIME TEEHEE!"
Pssshhhh! What haters!
LDR works if you MAKE it work. Sometimes you can't do anything but deal with what life throw you. YOU know how strong your relationship is... those people are just bitter! >:P
@DesireeAnne: It'll be about two years. It could change, but it's whenever I'm done with school, and if he can get a job in the same state. He's trying to be a cop, so if he signs on in another state it's a two year commitment.
Thank you guys :) I know we can get through it. I talked to him about it last night and he was like "babe, we've been through worse. Don't worry." <3
@KatyElle: I need to. That's probably the worst part, that I don't really know how to respond.. because they just think I'm a young girl who doesn't know any better! I can't wait to say "SEE I TOLD YOU SO!" though!!
Oh wow, I feel your pain and frustration. I started in a LDR with my SO about 1 1/2 years ago. We met online (another great topic people like to comment on) ugh.. I have had some very positive reactions from strangers. The problem person I have is my dad... yeah.. I still live at home with him for now hehe (personal reasons basically) My SO and I are moving in together next March :)
Anywhooo back to subject hehe I get the "your stupid for trusting him" and "those never last" "your nieve to think hes not cheating on you" blah blah blah I say, I know my guy! He is 110% devoted to me, he has to be for putting up with me for this long lol no seriously, he works so hard and spends any free time on the phone with me, he honestly has no time to cheat. Plus I have FULL faith in him that he would never hurt me :)
The advice I would give is to trust in yourself and trust in him and your relationship together. Not every LDR does last.. but it is up to you to make it last and if your determined to work it out then you will!
I have something for you to think about the next time someone says something rude to you. A LDR is more emotional, time consuming, draining and just overall a tougher relationship than a "same city" relationship, well thats how I feel. I tell everyone that, a LDR is not for everyone because the utter pain of only getting to see your lover for a moment and then leaving is torture! I can't tell you in words how painful it is for me to leave my SO and yet I do it every month. I cry all the way back on the plane. I think people who are in LDR are brave people because we have to deal with things most people never will.
I wish you the best of luck!
Avoid discussing details of your personal life with co-workers, customers and others with whom you do not share a close relationship. It will keep the gossip at bay and in turn reduce unwanted stressors. Ignore the naysayers. You are aware of the dynamics of your relationship with your SO. You know how to make it work. Concentrate on that and forget the rest!
Ignore people and their comments! If its meant to last it will! My roommate has been in a LDR for the last 2 years and they're fine. And my FI and I have had to deal with long distance parts of our relationship andd it was fine. I actually feel like it made us a lot stronger. Good luck!
Customers and coworkers really shouldn't know too much about your personal life. The customers mostly really only want to talk about themselves anyway (TMIAB: Trust Me, I'm A Bartender); only the really creepy ones actually want to know about you, and it's part of the skills of a good service worker to redirect their questions about your personal life without them knowing it. Verbal judo. As for coworkers, if you're not close and they make inappropriately personal comments at work, point that out to them. "This is really personal and I'm not comfortable discussing it in a work environment." And finally: your FRIENDS say shit like that to you? Get new friends!
@Sigyn: A LDR is more emotional, time consuming, draining and just overall a tougher relationship than a "same city" relationshipI agree 200%
This is my second LDR. First was my ex husband (military) and now with my bf. It's hard, but it's not impossible. The best advice I ever got didn't even apply to a LDR, but it works.
"You know yourself. You know your partner. Don't give into the seed of doubt, or you'll find a tree blocking your view."
@Beluga I agree. If your friends aren't supportive, get new ones. My closest friends and I may not always agree about our choices, but we support eachother regardless, because it's part of the job description.
I have been in three long distance relationships and have come to the conclusion that the two that did not work out failed because of the relationship...not the fact that it was a LDR. I was in Costa Rica for 6 months and we lasted that whole time and then broke up about a year after I came home. The second only lasted a short while because we just weren't right. My now boyfriend, although it technically isn't long distance seeing as we are only an hour away, we only see eachother once a week (which is a lot compared to long distance) but I have never once thought about him cheating or not trusting him, because we work and love eachother. These people are not supportive and you don't need them! LDR's do work all the time! It seems as though people like to remember the ones that did not work over the ones that did. Keep your head up and you guys can get through it, just remember that! It is not the distance that will make or break it in the end!
I was in a LDR (trans-Atlantic) for five years, beginning at the age of 18. Everyone was a naysayer: friends, family, people I'd never met. There were days when I so desperately wanted to wipe that smug, half-pitying "oh, those never work" smile off of someone's face, but it was oddly satisfying to me that the biggest know-it-all naysayers seemed to be the friends of mine who went through boyfriends like kleenex (does that make me a terrible person?).
I think that people need different things out of relationships, and that it takes a certain kind of person to make a LDR work; that said, when it does work, you have a relationship founded on great communication and such an incredible appreciation for the wee moments you spend together. A local relationship can work solely by virtue of convenience and comfort - you have to work really hard to make a LDR function, but I think that can be a bit of a 'proving ground' for a relationship. I just got married in April, and I genuinely believe that my relationship is better for having survived the trials and tribulations of long distance for so long. Alls well the ends well, I suppose :)
The last three summers, last fall semester and spring semester of '09, my FI and I were in a LDR (interships/he had an extra semester due to an 8-month internship). We went about 6 weeks or so without seeing each other, and while difficult, we made it through and value our time together now even more because of it. Get a webcam - so easy to talk at night while your watching tv or doing whatever, and make a point of taking the time to call and talk to each other.
I have confidence that you will make it! Just trust each other and take time to stay connected and you will come out the other side stronger and more in love!
ETA; 6 weeks or more at a time. And also, it's a great opportunity to really learn about yourself and grow as an individual.
As others said, it's not easy but definitely possible if you're in a strong relationship. Don't listen to the haters!
My FI and I were long distance for at least 4 years before I moved in with him last fall.
@hisgoosiegirl: Ahh yeah, it'll be the same way for us.. 6 weeks or more between visits!
My friends got annoying to the point that we no longer discuss my LDR. Granted most of them are male and don't know my boy, but what do they know? When they would comment, I would just say that he made me happy and I trust him.
I wish you the best in your future endevors.
I think when people say things like that it comes from their own personal experience. I have had one LDR in my life and it self-destructed terribly, and I sure wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Granted, their comments are rude, but it might not be personal.
Thankfully, I never got those comments or I might have gone crazy mean on them. DH and I (along with a lot of bees here) are true LDR success stories. DH and I saw eachother 8 times in 2 1/2 years and are still going strong. LDRs are hard, but so doable (and worth it!)
FI and I were long-distance for 2 years and one summer. We started dating when we were both in high school, but went to high schools 3.5 hours apart. The summer before I started college (I'm a year ahead of him) my aunt told me that she was giving our relatioship til October, because as soon as I got to college I'd be with another guy.
Those types of comments made me particularly sad because I already felt like people didn't really take long-distance relationships as seriously as normal ones. They never see you around each other so they assume there isn't any passion there. So when people would say nasty things like that it just made me feel even more insecure about being in a long distance relationship--as in, I was really insecure about the way people thought about my relationship, not in the relationship itself. I never for a moment doubted my love for FI, and to this day believe that our time as a long-distance couple truly strengthened us in a way that no other experience could have done. But hearing comments like that made me feel very insecure as a person.
Good luck to you, and just remember that no one can understand what it's like to be in a long-distance relationship unless they've BEEN THERE!
"You know yourself. You know your partner. Don't give into the seed of doubt, or you'll find a tree blocking your view."
Thanks for replying and posting a great quote!!
*Sorry it ate my post!* I had a huge post in the middle and it ate it :( Basically that was great advice and I think expressing feelings and the things that they do that make you happy add to a relationship. I mean who doesn't love to hear how much their "love" loves them and thinks the things they do are wonderful and appreciate them.
Kingy and I were long distance when we got engaged and everyone was all 'are you sure?' 'you haven't been together that much compared to if he lived here' etc... well we've lived together for a year now and we're still happily engaged so eff them.
It all depends on the people. I don't know your story, so it very well could work out great for you two... and I hope it does. In my experience though, I was with a bad person, and it just didn't work out. Not because of the distance, but because he was unwilling to commit when the time actually came. How long have ya'll been together? If it's been a while, then I wouldn't sweat it.
i agree with all who have said that it takes a certain kind of person to make LDRs work. well, certain kinds of people, on both sides, and a very strong relationship. i would say if you're getting married, your relationship is pretty strong.
FI and i have been an LDR from the beginning...and it hasn't been long. only four months. (what can i say? when you know...you just know.) each "goodbye" at the end of a visit gets harder. it sucks. the plan is to "close the gap" by september at the latest (with circumstances as they currently are). honestly, for him, i would wait as long as it takes, and he would do the same. a long time would SERIOUSLY suck, but if it was necessary, we'd do it in a heartbeat.
if that's how you two are, you're golden. and skype is your friend. 
and now i need to hit the sack. he's coming for a visit on friday and i have a TON of stuff to do before he gets here. one thing that will be nice when we're living together...i'll have a reason to stay on top of cleaning every day. lol...
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One of these days I'll have a good topic to start. People are just stomping on my last nerve lately! I love all you bees, in advance. :) <3
I'm beyond sick of explaining to friends and coworkers, and the occasional lonely customer who engages me in conversation, that my boyfriend and I are going to be long distance in about 3 months.
I've gotten a wide variety of responses like these gems:
"You really TRUST him with that?"
"So, basically you guys are over then?"
"Yeah, that never works out."
GAHH! Thanks, assholes. As if I wasn't worried enough about being away from my hunny. Stop filling my head with paranoid thoughts. :(
Anyone else having/had trouble with this?? Words of wisdom?