Weddingbee boards

I totally agree with you. It's super rude and impersonal. It's like, I'm going to put forth the least amount of effort and thought possible . . . nice . . .

Ive never actually received a thank you card from a wedding, so I would be happy! lol

Thats why I bought folding thank you photo cards. I was brought up you have to write something meaningful and personal per card. It does kind of bug me too when I get a typed thank you, and its very vague and impersonal. Like all they did was change the name "thank you (insert givers name here) thank you for your time, and generous gift. blah blah blah" I gave you a toaster oven... 

We were planning on doing this exact thing. We did postcards for our couples shower with a personal message so for the wedding we are doing a photo with a generic thank you. We have been to events/givin gifts about 5 times this year and have yet to receive ONE thank you card. That's even more rude.

One of my nephews-in-law, who has apparently taken flak for being a male chauvenist pig, points out that the reason he opens doors for ladies, and takes off his hat when he talks to them, is not that they are ladies, but that he is a gentleman.

In things like the justice system, and sibling rivalry, and the workplace, having a double standard is a bad thing. But etiquette is all about having a double standard. A lady of quality has one standard to which she holds herself, not because it is expected or because other people might be offended, but simply because she is a lady of quality. But the highest standard of etiquette includes a sense of "noblesse oblige" that requires us to make allowances for other peoplw who, after all, might not enjoy the benefits that we all enjoy. They might not have been raised to the same standard, or they might be suffering from some hardship we don't know about but which we would certainly understand, if we did know.

So, a good response to that judgemental little voice at the back of the mind, is to redirect it in the effort of self-examination and good role-modelling. Have you written all your own thank-you notes, for birthday and Christmas presents as well as weddings? In addition to thank-you notes to vendors, have you provided appropriate bonus payments and business references (which are the appropriate ways of expressing gratitude in the business domain, equivalent to the thank-you note that is appropriate in the social domain)? Have you written all your bread-and-butter notes, including the ones you owe to the hostess of those weddings where you didn't get gift-thank-you notes? Have you issued your return-invitations for all the dinner-parties you owe to return the hospitality?

And if the answer to all you self-examination questions is "yes", then the exercise should replace your feelings of annoyance with pleasant feelings of self-accomplishment, and you can relax until the next challenge.

@PinkMagnolia: Envelopes are a business document, between you and the post office whose job it is to deliver the envelope. When it gets to its destination, the envelope's job is done and it gets thrown out.

I'm of the opinion that a neat and attractive pre-printed envelope is just fine, as long it observes the proprieties egarding the use of other people's names in a public business context, and as long the social proprieties are observed on whatever is inside the envelope -- even on (gasp!) the wedding invitation itself! After all, no-one who is objecting to the use of a laser-printer is going out and cutting their own pen properly from a goose-quill and dipping it in good black india ink, as my Auntie Vespasia's great-aunt no-doubt argued for when Auntie V. rebelliously decided to use a "modern" fountain-pen. Technology changes; thoughtfulness does not.

@seven12 @bells totally agree! Would a more personal note be niceER? Sure. But any thank you is appreciated and even if I don't receive a thank you, I didn't give the gift to get a thank you (or anything else for that matter), I give the gift because I want to. 

@simpleandchic: While writing a big pile of thank you notes can be a bit of a chore, I have to suggest that you work on the ASAP. You have probably hurt a lot of feelings by not sending them and you don't want people's memory of your wedding to be that you snubbed them by not expressing your thanks for their time and gift.

I agree that sending a typed generic "Thank you" is pretty rude, and if not rude then simply unthoughtful. I understand if you have a big wedding, but I personally would rather get a handwritten card 4 months later than receiving a xeroxed thank you two weeks after.

As far as people mentioning they ran out of personal things to say to people so a generic typed thank you would be easier... it's not like people compare their thank you's! Even if you were to hand-write "Thank you so much for ________. We were so happy to spend time with you, and are thankful you were able to share our special day" on every single card, it would still make people at least think you were being thoughtful!