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Hello, Bees!
This might be a bit long, but i just need to explain what has happened...
I am a fairly new photographer, been in a business for about 1 year, have 5 weddigns in my portfolio and have another 6 that are booked and coming up in the next couple months.
I found out i was pregnant in the middle of april, but due to the nature of me being caughtious i did not tell anyone i was till about week 12. That is when i announced that i am expecting on my photography page. Most of my brides congratulated me. I also announce that i am not taking any big events 6-8 weeks before the due date, once again first baby i am being careful.
Last night, i went to meet with one of my destination Brides, that knew i was pregnant before she purchased my ticket, the wedding is in 4 weeks, i will be barely 20 weeks (i am not even showing yet), and she tells me that my pregnancy "is an issue". (i must also add that we did not sign a contract when she bought the ticket, as i require a downpayment when people sign a contract and thought i am givng the Bride a break by not trying to pull money out of her) I got really affended by her words. Pregnancy is not an issue, if it was, i for sure would tell her and would not be going on a trip to photograph her wedding for 3 days!
At that point i told her i don't want to cover her wedding. I felt really bad for her, but i can't have someone be rude to me. Bees, tell me if i am wrong, i really feel bad for cancelling on her, but at the same time she waited will 4 weeks before to sign a contract, and then had the nerve to tell me that i hid that i was pregnant (ladies, the ones that have been prego know, that there is a certain time in first trimester that you do not even mention it to the family). I did not hide, i was being protective. I learned my lesson, not to agree to anything before the contract is signed and deposit is paid. I also agreed to pay back half of the ticket, that was my loss.
All advice is apreciated.
I don't think you owe her anything for your ticket. I wouldn't give her anything. Her behavior is not acceptable and you should not have to explain your personal life to her in any way. I hope you don't give her any money. She can easily transfer that ticket for a nominal fee to someone else.
That is too bad this happened. She is the one that acted badly. I don't see how being pregnant stops you from being a good photographer. Obviously if this had been a problem you would of told her sooner.
I don't blame you for backing out. Maybe you have someone you can refer her to?
@ms_nickie - I called american airlines, they said the ticket is non-refundable, when they cancell it they will loose 150$ of the value, but the raminder is going to be the credit. The ticket all together was 400$. I felt bad that she is without a photographer 4 weeks before the wedding, so i send her a check. I am too nice!!!
@LongDistancePlanning i feel like it is not my job to find someone for her. Let me mention this - i was going to charge them 800$ + ticket +hotel, for Friday rehearsal, Sat Wedding Day and Sunday session (Day after), they were going to get rights to CDs at no extra charge. I don't think i could find them a better deal. All my photographer friends that travel are in 3k+ range.
First: She should not have bought the ticket without a contract, thats just stupid on her part.
Second: I have to ask, was there more to the conversation than her saying, "Your pregnancy is an issue" and accusing you of hiding it from her? As someone who isn't pregnant she has no idea what its like and might honestly believe that its going to result in you being sick in the bushes or unable to stay on your feet for her big day.
When I first read this my initial reaction was, you need to prepare for some backlash. She could flame up the internet with reports that you bailed on her and if your only retort is, "the client was rude" that doesn't make you sound like a reliable vendor. Because you are newer and only have a handful of other clients this might be bad for your business.
I don't think you owe her anything besides a polite best wishes and goodbye part ways. If she waited that long and bought you a ticket without signing a contract that is her own fault. Everyone always says on here - get a contract! get everything in writing. If she did not and you were trying to cover yourown self then oh well for her. You were already giving her an amazing deal so try to let this pass. In this business you will all ends of the spectrum of brides so you'll get over this bump.
I don't think you should have cancelled on her. In a perfect world, you would only work with people who are awesome, but in reality we work with people who will say shit and be rude. As a person trying to run a buisness, you should handle the situation more professionally, than is a sense basically "screwing your customer," which you did. Take it with a smile and listen to what "issues" she has with you being pregnant, and maybe you guys could have worked it out.
It is not uncommon that pregnancy hinders work performance, don't kid yourself. My college is out of work becasue she is pregnant and she did not plan on it. Things can happen out of your control anytime, but a pregnancy makes that chance of something happening higher.
I'm sure the bride was stressed planning everything and yes we, brides, tend to get a bit bridzilla-y as time grows closer. If you're gonna be a wedding photographer I think you're gonna see much worse.
If she didn't sign a contract in a time you would be happy with, it is your fault. You tell your customer how long in advance you need your contract, don't say you were giving her a break, when you were clearly holding a grudge.
In short, yes, I think you are in the wrong and think you should pay her back 100% of her expenses.
I am still not clear if you had a contract with her at the end or not. If you did than you should pay back 100% of the ticket and be responsible for finding a new photographer.
If you didn't, to hell with it, you don't owe her anything.
I'm confused by the situation. When she said your pregnancy was an issue, what did she mean? Like it is an issue and she didn't want you to shoot her wedding or she wanted money off what she had agreed to pay? What was the rest of the conversation?
@smith2be i have to agree with you about the backlash...it might happen and i am worried about it. At the same time, the clients that i have, know i am honest and work 1000%. Hopefully my work will show that i love what i do and do.
You are also right that she could have asked how i feel, and that is what i brought up on the conversation lat night. I asked her why is it an issue? I told her that i am one of not many not to be sick and that i have been active and have not reported any issues. At the same time, every vendor, has a clause in their contract that if they become sick or something, they would refund the money. In my contract i have that and i would most likely help het find someone, or give her a list of photographers i like.
I really feel bad for leaving her, oh well.
@Atlanta i apreciate your honesty. I was a Bride a year ago and i agree right before the wedding it gets super busy and a lot of stress.
We did not have a contract signed.
I agree to a point with Atalanta. I'm also a bit confused on what happened. I don't think her saying "your pregnancy is an issue" is worthy of you dropping her as a client. Did she say anything else? You didn't have a contract written, so, in your defense, you have grounds to drop her as a client this close to the date. However, I freelance design, and if I had done this to one of my clients right before their deadline, you can be sure they would be pissed with reason. It's her fault for not making sure a contract was signed. It's your fault for not taking the professional approach when working with an emotional bride. *shrug*
@laurenrx i was a bit confused about it to, and that is when i tried talking to her about it. That is when she said, that a few days after we met (she had not bought the ticket then yet) i posted that i am pregnant. (That week i was waiting on some results of the test and i was not telling anyone, because we were not sure if everything was ok with the baby.) She was angry that i did not tell her during the meeting that i was pregnant, like i was hiding it from her. She did not have to buy a ticket.
@Bellagio - agree, agree and agree. I think i made a mistake of not pushing her to sign a contract. Once again, newbee mistake. I learned my lesson. I also got very offended, that someone told me that me being pregnant brings up an issue. In the long run, they will get their money back and hopefully the photographer that she was considering a month ago is still awailable.
Once agaim, i am trying to say i did a great thing, i do feel bad, but what my point is, people can't make personal attacks. She was also trying to get a second shooter and maybe that is what she was pushing for - trying to make me find a second shooter for free to back me up. We did not get far in conversation - she stormed out.
If nothing was signed, there is no binding agreement between the two of you. This ends any concern on your part with this client. Dont feel bad for anything...Being a bride on the other end of this story I find it odd the bride didnt want anything signed.
@mashka_f1:You don't owe her for the ticket. What a terrible situation. I'm sorry she did that to you!
Why is she so annoyed that you'll be 20 weeks? Nuts! You can still do your job at 20 weeks. Does she know that 20 weeks is still early enough and you can travel and everything?
ETA: NOt clear if the contract is finished. See what bellagio said.
It doesn't matter how or why it happened - no contract = no commitment. As a bride who's currently planning and as a non-professional photographer, the bottom line is that she didn't give you a deposit or sign a contract, so she never actually booked you. You owe her nothing. Not confirming you with a contract and/or deposit was her screw up, not yours.
Like some of the bees said earlier, it's one of the biggest points we all make as brides and that vendors make - get that contract and read it! It protects the bride and it protects the vendor.
It's one thing to provide her with other possible vendors, but even that would be more than is required of you. I would have never paid back half the ticket. That's her loss.
To be honest she was probably looking for a way to back out of your verbal agreement.
@ellabee i personally think she had a plan to get something else out of me, but i might be very wrong. 20 weeks is nothing, i am 16 and barely even showing! They can get a ticket for another photographer with the money i sent them + plus the credit they get from AA.
I would hate that happen to me as a bride.
@Gerbera - you know what, funny you mention it - one of my close friends did say the same, and i just sent them the check - i am an idiot!!! :(
Well here is a plus, since she didn't sign a contract, any bad reviews she posts can be taken down since you weren't really a vendor.
Is there more to the conversation? In this business you are going to have to deal with bridezillas and you can't drop all of them just because you are offended. Maybe she thought you wouldn't be able to fly. A lot of people don't know that yuo can fly up until a certain point, but even then, it's still up to the airline to let you fly if you are at the end of your pregnancy.
You shouldn't probably take on a lot of clients this year. ANYTHING can happen with a first baby. My blood pressure has been perfect all of my life. I got pregnant and it shot up to a crazy number. I was on bedrest from April-October. I started at Level 1 in April and was at Level 5 by August. I didn't have morning sickness though and my feet never got swollen, but you don't want to schedule all of these weddings and then have something happen where you can't do it.
Oh, and make sure you have a contract and deposit before booking a date with anyone. It will save you a headache in the end.
@WonderTwin - you are sooo correct!!! Contract, Contract, Contract! that is what was my thing when i was a bride - every minute was planned out and written down on a piece of paper and signed!
@mashka_f1: You sent them a check? I would stop payment on that and inform them to not cash it. You don't owe her anything.
@miss Tattoo - thank you for advice - apreciate it lots! I learned a lot from this experience, you are right, i have to learn to deal with stuff like that. I don't have much booked and i cut everyone off 8 weeks before the due date, i will catch up later :)
As for the fly part, all she had to do is ask, and if she was so worried - google it! every pregnancy web site (even here on the bee) we talk how we can travel till week 32.
Its my loss and her too. i am learning.
@Miss Tattoo: I agree. Cancel it that's one thing that's so handy with a check.
@Miss Tattoo - i wrote a note (stupid, stupid, stupid) promissing to pay half back - its ok - it was only 200$
@mashka_f1: It's not ok. Do notes hold up in court? Do they count as a legal contract? I'm not sure, but since she didn't have a contract signed, I'm sure you can win if she tries to take it to court. I would cancel the check. Seriously.
yeah cancel it, for small claims she'd prob have to pay more than 200 for the case anyway so it wouldn't be worth it.
I wouldn't of worked with someone so rude either. Sounds like she didnt' want you anyway. but I have to ask what was the issue she had with you being preg in particular?????? This has not come out yet and is a inportant part of the situation.
You don't owe her anything either, and I doubt she will take you to court. She didnt book you and you could of booked any work you wanted until she gave you a deposit. Stupid on her part to buy a ticket.
@mashka_f1: She can't. Seriously, stop the check. Call your bank right now. You can't go into this business just writing checks for anyone you think you upset. She is the one who bought a plane ticket without actually booking you first. That's stupid on her part.
We're still not clear on whether you actually signed a contract with this person or no? If you didn't sign a contract, you don't owe her anything. However, if a contract was signed, I'm going to say you owe her the full price of the ticket.
Believe you/me, I have had brides say and DO MUCH MUCH WORSE than that, and if I dropped every bride who acted that way, I would be broke and out of business. I think you may need to rethink the profession you're in if one little rude comment is going to make you drop a client. For me to cancel someone's contract, they would literally have to something completely horrible and unforgivable, and if I initiated the withdraw, I would refund every cent they had paid to date (minus the cost of any sessions they may have already had, like an engagement shoot). Those are the consequences of your actions. You should also have a "Right of Withdrawal" Clause in your contract, otherwise you could get sued for something like this.
@LBPhotography: The OP actually has said that there was no contract yet. Just a verbal agreement. No money had changed hands - not even a deposit - except for the plane ticket the customer bought for her, without having signed a contract first.
@LBPhotography - i did not sign a contract with her. That is why we met last night, to go over it and sign it. I love photography, and i am fairly new, i will learn to deal with people like the Bride i had to deal with, that is why i asked for advice. She did not sign a contract and waited basically till last minute, like she was looking for other options, her wedding is 4 weeks away. I also apreciate you telling me that you run into a lot of people like that - that is great "heads up for me"
Photography is not my main profession, i do it as a hobby and small side business. If it does not work out as being a wedding photographer i might reconsider to just doing family. I did not expect someone to suggest me to drop it. It was a little harsh, but i guess i asked for honest opinions. I apreciate that.
Eeek, what a sticky situation. But I agree with ppl, if there was no contract you weren't booked and why did she buy you a ticket. Cancel that cheque. You don't owe her.
Obviously it sounds like she wanted you out, she probably has someone else in mind.
Your new at this so now you learned and can move on to nicer brides!
@LongDistancePlanning - thank you!
@ Everyone - i apreciate the honesty - thank you Bees!
@mashka_f1: I don't think LB was trying to be harsh. She was just letting you know that you may run into much much much worse brides along the way and you will have to deal with them if you want to make money. You will meet brides who will send you emails every other day looking for photos or calls every time she sees a new processing trick, or basically just want you to hold their hand through the entire planning processes. You will meet laid back ones who don't need to talk to you until the day of and ones that want a confirmation that you are alive on a weekly basis.
You've learned your lesson, but seriously, stop that check.
@Miss Tattoo: +1!
@mashka_f1: As Miss Tattoo said, I wasn't trying to be harsh, just giving you a heads up of what you will come accross in this industry. I have 27 brides for 2011 and a handful for 2012 and I get AT LEAST one email of that nature or worse per week. Now I can't say I have had as much patience or grace as I could have in dealing with these situations 100% of the time, BUT, I have NEVER dropped a client over something like that. I would also say that my response to something like that would be:
"Oh I am so sorry you feel I was hiding this from you, but I didn't want to alarm anyone uneccessarily considering that 12% of women miscarry in the first X number of weeks. I will only be XX weeks along at the time of your wedding, and I am happy to address any concerns you may have at this time."
I can tell you that I went through something similar when I moved from PA to Colorado short notice when my husbands-job was unexpectedly transferred, and even though I kept my committment to all of my brides and am flying back for their weddings, I had to field so many emails of people freaking out. One bride even got really mad at me because we DROVE across country instead of flying... the email literally came across as "I cant believe you would risk driving across country two weeks before MY wedding." I just wanted to scream, "Sorry if my personal life does not revolve around you, and if I die in a fiery car crash that I wont be able to work your wedding, nor will I care when I'm dead." But of course, I didn't respond in that fashion and didn't even consider dropping the client two weeks before her wedding.
I feel like even if this is a "hobby" for you, you are still marketing yourself as a professional and charging for your service and if you can't act professionally, then that's just not really fair to the brides who think they are getting a pro is all. Anyway, I hope my story helps you thicken your skin a little bit, and be prepared.
P.S. I wouldn't give her any money, definitely stop the check. However, four weeks is nothing, and even if you don't know anyone off-hand, maybe you can help her troll through Craigslist to try to pick someone decent. You will be able to spot higher quality photos better than she can, and the process may help repair your relationship so she doesn't write you a bad review.
@LBPhotography - thank you, i am learning from your experience. Thank you for sharing. I see where i made a mistake (several spots), this will most likely not happen again. I do my best to be very professional and go extra mile for my brides.
Technically (correct me if i am wrong) she was not my client, as we did not sign a contract, right? She was a prospect...
Question for you (if its too personal you do not have to answer), so does it happen a lot with personal attacks? from clients?
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