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picked bridesmaids too soon

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids

Member

1 posts

Wannabee

Summer26

When I first was engaged 9 months ago I felt very blessed to have wonderful close friends and family that would be included in my bridal party. I thought the problem would be "how is my fiance going to come up with enough grooms men to match my bridal party?'' Not any more. I have gone from 5 bridesmaids to 2 that I know in my heart should be there. They are my sister (moh) and close friend since I was 4. Two of the other friends (which Ive known for 12-13 years) Ive recently had to let go due to lifestyle differences and Im totally at peace with that. The problem is with my sister in law. When we first met 2 years ago we became super close. When I got engaged I thought she would def. be in my bridal party. I truely felt like I had another sister in my life. We've had major issues since then because I would give her rather blunt (yes I could have been more "tactful" at times) advice about her life when she would talk to me and one incident in particular almost caused a severe rift in the family. After that during one of our "getting along times" I told her I did in fact want her in my wedding. But since then I feel like we are complete "frenemies" I feel like a fool for having someone Im not even sure I like now in my wedding. All of my close friends think I was crazy for inviting her to be in it, because of our track record. Where as one time I was probably one of her best friends Im pretty sure I wouldnt be included in her wedding if she were to marry (I know, I know its not all about that but it counts for something) Also I am extremely close with my fiances family and think I could possible opt her out without getting ostrisized. I want to do what feels right but I want to be tactful and sensible (somehow) at the same time.... please help

3 years ago

Member

192 posts

Blushing bee

wubz October 18, 2008 Albuquerque, NM

I am a pro at tough situations with bridesmaids and MOH's I went through 2 MOH's and 1 bridesmaid before my wedding. I think when it comes to a sticky situation like family you need to talk to your Fiance about it. He knows his family very well and he also knows you and his sisters relationship. If it is important to him to have his sister in the wedding party I think you need to honor that. I asked my husband to include my brother in his wedding party. They never have fought they get along but they are not close but it was important to me. If your fiance does not care one way or the other still make sure he understands that if you do not include her that you don't want this to jepordize your relationship with him or the family. I hope this helps.

3 years ago

Hostess

2,683 posts

Sugar bee

suzanno 7/12/08 Richland, WA

I agree with wubz in that whatever you decide to do, your FI needs to agree that it's the right thing. After all, it's his family relations that are potentially going to be impacted.

And I'm not sure, unless his sister has done something really heinous, that you can just cut her out of the wedding altogether. Maybe you can offer her another position - like the opportunity to give a reading - instead of being a bridesmaid. Or maybe you can both agree that she would enjoy herself more as a guest. It might be more convenient if you could say that each of you have decided to have only two attendants.

You're right, it probably would have been best if you had never asked her. Because telling her that you don't want her anymore is going to create bad feelings, even if she really doesn't want to be your bridesmaid. And really, you don't want to come across as the b*tch in this scenario, because it will look bad to all your FILs.

In the future you might consider two things - first, that even sisters don't always get along. I have had periods of time where I haven't talked to my sister for months, because of something that was said. In the end we are always the best of friends, but sometimes feelings get hurt. And second, just because your FSIL confides in you doesn't mean that she wants your advice. If you can't help sounding critical when you give her advice, perhaps the best thing is just to listen and make sympathetic sounds, and leave it at that.

3 years ago

Member

377 posts

Helper bee

Crash 09/09

Tread carefully! A friend of mine did not ask her now sister in law and most of his family is still furious about it. Some did not even come to the wedding because the bride asked the groom's cousin, who she was close to, and not his sister who she got along with but was not close.

3 years ago