Post # 1
I don’t want to pick a MOH! I have four bridesmaids, all of them are from different parts/ times in my life and all of them are special and important to me. If I had a sister, it would be easy because I would just pick her, but alas, I have only have brothers. I had sort of decided not to have a Maid/Matron of Honor, but rather divide the “MOH duties” up between all the girls. In reality, I don’t live near most of them and I live across the country from our wedding venue, so it’s just easier to either do things myself to delegate to my Future Mother-In-Law who lives near the venue. I talked over my no-MOH decision with my mom and she made me feel even better about it. This was several months ago, but I still hadn’t figured out how/ when to tell the girls.
So, cue dinner last night with my bridesmaid that only lives an hour and a half away. We sat there chit chatting for hours, and of course having wedding on the brain means I brought it up every five seconds. At some point she mentioned “if I make her my maid of honor.” Well, at that point I sorta broke the news that I wasn’t going to pick one and just divide the duties, but she still kinda seemed to press the issue, so I said I would reconsider my decision.
We’ve known each other since second grade, and is pretty much by best friend. The thing is, she moved away in sixth grade (military brat) and even though we were always in touch, I feel like she doesn’t really know me in the same way as some of my high school and college friends. The kicker is, her own sister did not make her a Maid/Matron of Honor when she got married several years ago, and she was (and still is) really hurt by that. So I think she has a certain expectation that I will be making her a Maid/Matron of Honor and that will somehow, cosmically, make up for not being Maid/Matron of Honor to her sister. And really, two of my bridesmaids probably don’t care if I choose her over them. But the other one threw me a shower when I was visiting home last, and has kind of hinted that she wants to be my Maid/Matron of Honor as well I’m afraid she will resent me not choosing her. And of course, I hesitate choosing both of them and having two MOHs in case I offend the other two. (Because if I can’t have multiple MOHs, why can’t everyone be one?)
So what would you do? Keep the decision to go MOH-less? Or choose my oldest friend because she has known me longest (and because I feel bad she wasn’t a Maid/Matron of Honor to her sister)? Maybe you can tell, but I have a giant dilemma about pleasing EVERYONE.
Post # 3
You could make both of them the Maid/Matron of Honor since they both seem to care about it. I have seen a lot of weddings with 2 Maid/Matron of Honor. I hope you can figure something out so everyone is happy!
Post # 4
I would stick with the decision to not designate a specific Maid/Matron of Honor, and divvy out the duties. Maybe for the two girls who are really interested in the role, you could ask them what they would be most exicted about doing (toast, signing as the witness, etc.), and let them have that special duty.
I didn’t pick a Maid/Matron of Honor either, but I only had 2 BMs so I just made them both Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 5
I would stick to your first decision. Make each of the girls feel special and let them know that they are all wonderful and you had a hard time picking just one as Maid/Matron of Honor. If each girl gets a specfic task for the wedding then they will feel that they are truly helping you on your special day.
Post # 6
Just stick to your original plan. I’ve never liked the idea of having 2 MOHs. FI’s brother is having two best men in his wedding and no one is happy about it (no offense to anyone who might do this…it’s just innapropriate in his particular situation)
Post # 7
I think 2 MOHs is an ok arrangement, but you say all four of these girls are equally important to you. I think the best solution would be to stick with your original decision.
Post # 8
Stick to your original decision and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about the decision. That is the best piece of advice I’ve gotten from the hive, and I have to tell myself that often. It is your wedding and the decision is yours.
Post # 9
I’d say no MOHs. You picked each of them as bridesmaids, so they know that you care about them and want them to share your special day with you.
Post # 10
I agree no Maid/Matron of Honor. It would be different if you had like 8 or 10 bridesmaids, but with only 4, they should know they are special enough to you to be included. I like the PP idea of asking each one of them why they would want to be Maid/Matron of Honor so you can give the duties they like/want to do to them.
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I would stick with no Maid/Matron of Honor… otherwise your other two BMs might feel left out. Unless you want to call them all Maids of Honor and just do exactly what you were already doing. 😉
Post # 12
I am having a Maid/Matron of Honor and a LOH (Lady of Honor) and no bridesmaids. I couldn’t pick either, so I just made up my own way to solve the problem. For you, I would have two MOH’s and two Bridesmaids. And you could still divide up the tasks.
Post # 13
I am having only 2 bridesmaids – my 2 sisters, and won’t pick between them to have a Maid/Matron of Honor (although the youngest sister thinks I should just designate the other sister as Maid/Matron of Honor because she is more “into” the whole bridesmaid thing) … They are just splitting all the tasks and I will literally flip a coin for who will witness the certificate that day, the one who doesn’t witness will stand right next to me during the ceremony.
Post # 14
If you don’t want to pick, then don’t. If all you have is 2 attendnants, then it doesn’t make sense to call them both MOHs, since that implies that there is more than one attendant and you are giving one a special honor. Your guests won’t be offended in the least if you don’t pick a Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 15
I have been to plenty of weddings with more than one Maid/Matron of Honor. I actually have a friend who is having 4 attendants and THREE of them are MOHs because she couldn’t choose for the same reason. They were all friends from different parts of her life, and she felt they should all have it for different reasons. There’s nothing wrong with having 2 MOHs. . . but it seems like your major reason for not having one is because none of them live near you? If they both want to do it, and want to help, I would just say go for it. You’ll get their help, they’ll be happy. 🙂
Post # 16
Maybe if you phrased it as they are all your maids of honor, instead of none of them are? Honestly, there are no duties that necessarily go with being a Maid/Matron of Honor or a Bridesmaid or Best Man, other than showing up and wearing the hideous dress. So, if you want help from them, talk with each of them about what duties they are willing to perform, and work from that, instead of worrying about the titles.