Picking bridal party and help from out of town BMs

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@sabz3003:  I think you will probably have to plan some of your own parties, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing (nobody knows what you want better than you, right?). Your friends will probably try to help, especially the one who lives semi-locally, but ultimately you should keep your expectations of them low. Have you considered maybe making the one who lives near you joint MOH (if you’re having one) or something, so that you have somebody to lean on for support?  

Whatever you work out for wedding related events, be sure to include all of your best friends in your wedding party. It’s about who you want to share the experience of commiting to your FI with, after all. I have a bunch of Southern cousins who would be like a wedding crack squad if they were my BMs. They’d probably throw me the best bridal shower ever (they’re great at cupcakes and colour schemes, bach parties? Eh, probably not) and it would be soooo easy to find a dress to suit all of them because no one would be above a size 2. But I didn’t choose them. Because I’m not assembling a crack squad for my wedding. I’m picking my oldest, closest, loyalest, awesomest girls and we’re going to have a shitton of fun as I’m sure you will as well. Even if some of that fun is via Skype. 

Even if you don’t have your girls to support you in person. you’ll always have the hive to lean on. I now give you permission to loudly sing ‘Lean on Me’ very off-key into a hairbrush. I know that’s how I’M going to spend the next five minutes. 

Post # 4
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My bridesmaids are all over, the groomsmen are as far as China. We don’t expect any parties nor really want them. And if my parents host a shower of some kind, they will be invited but not obligated to attend. I guess to me, I show them pictures and my ideas, but I don’t really need much helping planning. My FI and I visit places and make decisions. I guess I have a simpler approach to wedding planning. 

Post # 6
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@sabz3003:  I’m also not doing MOH/best man. It complicates things further and makes for more drama. I love my friends but man sometimes I wish bridesmaids weren’t a thing.

Post # 7
Member
13168 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Don’t worry about where your BMs are located.  Mine were spread across the country (and not one was in the same city as me).  Pick the people you are closest with, no matter how far away they might live.

Post # 8
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My bridesmaids each live in different states all over the county. Some I will not see until the wedding day next June! It depends on your expectations. All I expect is them to show up for the rehearsal and wedding. They are already planning a shower and bachelorette party but not everyone will be able to make it and that’s fine. If you expect a lot of help from them, pick local ones but make sure they’re willing.

Post # 9
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@sabz3003:  I’ve always wanted an MOH but I’m thinking of foregoing it too.I have different  relationships with all the girls in my bridal party and I feel like it’s kind of unfair to pick one. Like saying ‘you’re all my best friend, but Barbara Seinfeld here is my BEST best friend.’ Choosing my bridal party is defintely going to be the hardest part of my wedding. Maybe I should have an MOH Hunger Games! Or a Sorting Hat?! I wonder which of my friends would be Harry Potter (though obvioudly they’re going to have to be demoted to Ron on my wedding day).

ETA: I could also organise an MOH raffle. Like maybe one person gets to be MOH and everybody else wins a glazed ham or something? Idk. This is hard. 

Post # 10
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

My family and most of my friends live in a different state than me, and I’ve been able to get the help I need from emailing pics of save the date cards, wedding websites, chatting, etc.  Maybe for actual dress shopping I’ll need someone, but for now I’m not sure why you would need someone in person, other than for a bachelorette, which can happen right before the wedding.

My issue is whether or not it makes sense to name these friends that I’ve been asking for advice from as my bridesmaids.  To me, it’s a title that doesn’t make much sense in this day and age, and I’d rather the help.  But I also wonder if maybe people would feel more comfortable/willing helping if they were named a bridesmaid?  Any thoughts?

Post # 11
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Mrs.KMM:  Agreed. Pick whoever your dearest firends are, regardless of where they are located. My 4 bridesmaids are all over the country and my MOH is on the West Coast, and I am on the East Coast.

As long as you don’t put many expectations on them (except to show up on your wedding day), I think it is completely fine.

Post # 12
Member
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

My nearest BM lives an hour drive away, the rest are all over 3-hours and are busy with careers. My parents are in a neighboring state. I’m going this alone and with the help of FI. The internet has been absolutely invaluable. I send photographs of dresses, invitations, flowers, etc. to all of them and get their feedback. Sure, the thought of going to my fittings alone doesn’t appeal, but it makes logistical sense. I’m not having a shower and will be planning my own bachelorette. Even though they’re far away, they’re thrilled to be as involved as they can be. I should add that, aside from paper things, I’m not a DIY bride. 

I say choose the ladies you want with you day-of to be in your bridal party. Your FI and local friends can probably help fill in the gaps in prep work. 

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