Picking my bridemaids – Help! :(

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
26 posts
  • Wedding: October 2014

It is your wedding and you should pick who you want.  Besides if K is now married to your FI brother she is officially part of the family.  The other girlfriend is just that,  a girlfriend.  What if they break up?  Then you have someone you are not close with and someone who is not technically family to deal with.  Pick K ! 

Post # 4
3846 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@aribanana:   Choose who YOU want.   You have given excellent reasons for your choices, you will need reliable, supportive friends to stand by you through the planning and the big day.  You aren’t responsible for how others react to your choices.   And you certainly don’t need drama – sounds as if the GF will make trouble wherever she is.  

Seriously, make your own decision and stick with it.  🙂   And congratulations!!!  

Post # 5
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@aribanana:  First of all, congratulations! You have plenty of time to mull this over. Instead of freaking out about a third BM now, why don’t you just ask the two that you want right now? Or waiting to ask until you have at least set a date and it’s a yearish out from your wedding? I personally think you can have whoever you want. Besides, this girl is not engaged to your FBIL so if they ended up breaking up would you want this girl in your photos forever more? Pick someone else that you are actually close with. If you only have two, then you only have two. Uneven numbers don’t matter.

Post # 6
525 posts
Busy bee

I would stick with K – it is so easy to explain to the brother’s girlfriend that you were trying to stick with family and K is more family than this girl. The girlfriend also could not reasonably expect you to choose her over your best friend. Just go with the preferred person – it would be much dicier if you wanted the girlfriend and not the wife but this seems reasonable.

Funny story: I told FI that we could have an uneven number and he could put his sister’s bf in the grooms party. A week after he asked the guy he broke up with his sister. It is just assumed with the guys now that this one is not in the party…so don’t worry about leaving out the unmarried ones. (also this guy had been asking about getting engaged and seemed serious)

Post # 7
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Don’t do anything right now. So much can change from now until then. She may not even be in the picture by then. No one knows. Besides your BFF and your cousin who have been in your life for all of these years, I would just hold off until about one year or even less to make a choice. 

Post # 9
11 posts
  • Wedding: January 2015

Who have you known the longest? Surely she knows how close you and K are – does she get jealous of this?


set a date first, then choose – don’t make the mistake I made and have 6 girls that want to be in it when I only want four and being way too nice for my own good, when they ASKED to be bridesmaids yes, asked (WTF lol) I was just engaged and on a high and said sure! Now I don’t speak to one that often anyways – but back then I never would have guessed we wouldn’t be as close now. Def pays to wait as long as possible haha! 

Post # 10
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

As others have said, I cannot stress enough that so, so, SO much can happen and change between now and Spring 2015, no matter how unlikely you think it is.  Therefore, I would highly recommend not picking your wedding party until you are less than a year out

I know you think you are checking one more thing off the To Do list and getting ahead of the game by selecting a bridal party early, but you are not.  There is absolutely nothing that your bridal party “needs to do” more than a year out.  About 6 months out you start worrying about dresses and whatnot. 

Case in point: We had a 2.5 year long engagement.  Our first instinct was to ask certain friends to be in the wedding right away, but we held off because we weren’t completely sure yet.  One of the girls I was thinking of asking was a girlfriend of a really close friend of ours… about 8 months before our wedding, they had a super nasty breakup and we aren’t friends with her anymore.  I’m SO happy I didn’t impulsively ask her to be a BM!! Ultimately, we decided that a bridal party was an uneccessary complication that neither one of us wanted… so we decided not to have any attendants at all. 

As for the next point, do not ask this girlfriend if you don’t feel close to her.  Just don’t do it.  Your wedding is not a people-pleasing circle jerk. 



Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors