Picking one sister-in-law as a BM and not the other?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2209 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@definitelymaybe:  Before I read your post, I was going to say neither.  But, you were in that SIL’s wedding, too, and it’s nice to reciprocate if you really want to, which it seems you do.

I’m not really sure what to tell you, but I wanted to say that I think guest book attendant is a crappy job.  Please know what a guest book is and what to do with it.  I think asking her to oversee the decorating would be a nice and important job, if she’s into decor.

Post # 4
Hostess
2787 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@definitelymaybe:  I always say, it’s your wedding. Against popular belief that you have to please others, you don’t. I say bridesmaids should be who the bride is close with, ONLY (vice versa for the groomsmen and groom). That is why my brothers wernt groomsmen in my wedding, they wern’t friends with my now husband (my older brother got a bit offened, but it’s not his wedding). I included my brothers in other ways, my older bro did a reading and a speech and my younger bro mc’d the reception. 

Post # 6
Member
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i feel like being a guestbook attendant is the job you give to the person who wants/has to be included, but there aren’t any “real” or important jobs left. that’s just my opinion.

i think having her help the day of is nice as long as it won’t take away from her being able to enjoy your wedding as a guest.

Post # 7
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I was a guest book girl, when I was twelve and my older cousin got married and didn’t want to leave any of the younger cousins out. I don’t think it’s appropriate to ask an adult to deal with the guest book. Can she do a reading or something similar? 

I did not ask my brother’s wife to be in my wedding, but then she asked me when they got engaged after me. Her wedding has come and gone and I go back and forth with feeling bad that she’s not included in mine. My brother is a groomsman. I’m considering asking her to do a reading. 

Post # 8
Member
2209 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@definitelymaybe:  Then I’d go with that job for your one SIL, and ask the other to be a BM!

Post # 9
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Is the one that won’t be picked the type to hold a grudge? I don’t think there’s really a solution that won’t involve a little hurt feelings, I don’t know your situation or relationship but this is something I know personally would cause problems in my life and not a fight I’d be willing to have.

Post # 11
Member
362 posts
Helper bee

I would ask both of them, family is super important and will most likely this girl is going to be involved in your future for the rest of your life (much longer than friends will) so I think you’ll regret it if you don’t.  Also I would feel pretty hurt if one was a bridesmaid and I was just asked to do something minimal 

Post # 13
Member
362 posts
Helper bee

Also if you’ve known her for 10 years and her husband will likely be a groomsmen than its a no brainier for me

 

Post # 14
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

What about something along the lines of flower girl and ring bearer wrangler? If the kids are small and her husband is officiating, she probably doesn’t have time for much other than keeping the flower girl and ring bearer in line, so maybe give her a title reflecting that?

Post # 15
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would ask both or none.  Otherwise, the SIL not chosen will be the only member of her family that isn’t in the party.  Getting her kids ready isn’t really a good excuse.  

Post # 16
Member
3633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’ll go against the grain here and say it depends on your SIL (the one you’re debating about). For example, if my SIL didn’t invite me, people I know would be offended but I personally would be quite happy and content, even if my kids were in the BP. I don’t really care about these things and my SIL and I aren’t close in that fashion anyway.

However, if this is something people will make a fuss about or she would somewhat care about this, then I would just ask them both to be BMs, especially since she’s demonstrated excitement about helping you with your wedding.

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