Picking the flower girl dresses, whats the etiquette and who makes the decision?

posted 2 years ago in Dress
Post # 2
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

You choose the dress. That’s just how it goes and everyone knows it. Your sister shouldn’t have done that, sorry she’s put you in a tight spot. Just sit her down and talk to her about it. They only have to wear the dress once so if they don’t like it it shouldn’t be the end of the world. Plus, your wedding is happening soon. Your sister (who I’m assuming has already gone through a wedding of her own) should understand the issue you’re having.

Post # 3
209 posts
Helper bee

While yes, you get the final say, perhaps if you’re set on these and they are set against maybe you should just pay for them and then theres no reason they should have a say. As you said they’re only $59 dollars and might save you a lot of headache.

Post # 4
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

MrsRoberts52:  This.  And if she doesn’t want to buy them because she’s saying “I don’t want to buy a dress they don’t like,” implying that it’s a waste of money since they won’t wear it again… You might remind her that they’re probably not going to wear poofy princess style dresses again either. 


Post # 5
42157 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ditto with the pp. Your sister behaved inappropriately by telling her daughters they could choose their dress. I would talk with your sister, tell her that you appreciate the time and effort she has expended in supporting your wedding, but her choice of dress for the girls simply doesn’t work for your wedding.

Is there any chance you could pay for the dresses? I think it would go  long way towards smoothing things over with your sister.


Post # 6
1116 posts
Bumble bee

I’d worry about having grumpy little children on the day who refuse to wear the dresses/walk down the aisle in them.

Post # 7
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

cpick:  I agree with this.

While it wasn’t appropriate for your sister to let them pick out dresses without your involvement. Is it really that big of a deal? You can buy the dresses you want and say they have to wear them and that’s all well and good. But they are children, little girls at that, and you can’t force them to understand or be happy or possibly even walk down the aisle if they are unhappy about what they are wearing. You really need to focus on trying to find dresses that everyone can agree on.  


Post # 8
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I agree with what the others have said, but just to brainstorm another sort of olive branch – 

Maybe you could make the girls agree to wearing the dresses by accessorizing it with one of these? 

– Fairy wands with ribbons and glitter

– Flower crowns

– Tiaras or wax paper crowns

– Bold girly purses


Hope that helps!

Post # 9
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Forest and Ball Room

My “flower girls” objected the dress I picked out until I told them they could carry balloons instead of throwing flowers…but ONLY if they wear that dress and give no attitude about it. So far, when I ask them to try thier dress on, I get no lip and now they are excited. 

I agree that your sister is in the wrong. I would be a little ticked if I was in your situation. I know that you mentioned they picked big poofy dresses would you maybe meet half way and do a tutu dress? Most little girls LOVE them. Just a thought. SOURCES: Dress #1 Dress #2 Can’t find Dress #3’s url. But all of these are on etsy.

good luck OP. I hope that you are able to come to an agreement soon!

Post # 10
250 posts
Helper bee




This dress comes in ivory with a matching ivory sash with a very pretty bow in the back.  It is plain, classic and a little princessy.  You can even do a child’s crinoline slip under to make it poofier.  Add some sparkle with a child’s tiara or headband.  My flower girl put this on and was doing circles.  She is beyond into princesses – like has EVERY disney princess dress for dress up – and was over the moon about it.  Maybe a good compromise?

Post # 12
745 posts
Busy bee

I was also going to recommend a sash!

Ultimately, it’s your decision, and your sister acted in the wrong. But, what’s done is done, and a little compromise might be worth it to avoid grumpy kids. 

You could get a plain ivory dress with a bit of poof, with red sashes they can put on as soon as the ceremony is over. 

I also LOVE the ballon idea!

Post # 15
11626 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The flower girls’ mother bullied me into a dress in my wedding.  I didn’t like it.  I still don’t like it.  I didn’t have the courage to tell her that it was my choice, and I regret that.  Stand up for what you want and tell your sister that you just don’t like the dresses they picked and that you’re going with the one you like.  Agree to pay for them, and move on.

If they love the red sash, maybe they can add it on at the reception, after all the pictures are done?

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