Post # 1
As much as everyone wants to pick their closest friends to stand up with them that day, I can truly tell you, that the day of the wedding, before the wedding, you will need so much help, that you cannot just choose bridesmaids based on how close you are, you really need to pick people who can really help you and truly understands the importance of it being your wedding day.
I made the mistake of choosing my closest friends without considering their personalities and it made things harder on me then it needed to be. well it is all nice and great to have your closest friends standing up there with you, you really have to consider whether or not they will help you at all or you will be going crazy before and during the wedding. Luckily I had other friends there that were able to step in and help.
Post # 3
That’s great that you had help, but I had 6 bridesmaids and they didn’t do a whole ton of stuff. They helped me assemble invitations and stuff, but ultimately I was on my own because I really prefer to do things on my own, my own way, when I DIY stuff.
How did this backfire on you? I think it really depends ultimately on the bride and how much she is willing to take on versus how much she is capable of judging, how much time she has, etc, and whether or not the bridesmaids know what is expecting of them.
I think everybody has a few of those friends they can call on for help that aren’t necessarily in the wedding. I know I did =]. Friend’s fiances specifically were extra helpful with some pre-wedding tasks
Post # 4
I think it depends on what your expectations of a bridesmaid are. I am picking my closest friends because I can’t imagine not sharing my most special day with them. I have the kind of girlfriends who will do anything, though. So I can’t imagine them not wanting to be helpful the day of.
Post # 5
I think it’s important to have a discussion with your BMs on their duties when you first ask them to be in your wedding. But, often it’s more about who you want standing next to you as a witness for your marriage then what they can do for you.
Post # 6
I picked the people whom I would most want to have bunches of great pictures with! (the people I care most about and would really love to have their faces smiling at me every time I look at our wedding pics) They’re all great girls, and I’m sure they’ll help when I need. None of them have been BMs before, however, so they’re certainly not pros. (haha, it would be nice to have katherine heigl in 27 dresses – she knew how to help out a bride!) Anyway, I am so grateful and excited to have the girls I chose by my side.
Post # 7
I agree – I chose my girls because they are my true friends who I have had with me through the last 5-11 years and that I tell everything! I did not choose them for what they will do for me; however, they will say yes to anything I ask of them but i really can’t see myself asking that much!
I am glad you had someone with you that day that could help you out!
Post # 8
i had similar thoughts to many of you before i got married so understand what your saying but many of you mistook what i said, my point is not that you want to use your friends to help you but that you WILL need a lot of help the day of and it would be nice if you had people there that can.
Post # 9
I agree with Charm Bracelet. I didnt expect or ask much of my bridesmaids except their help with invitations and asking their opinion on things. I really just wanted them to be there with me because they were my closest friends.
I think it also depends on what you need help with the day of. Other than help putting on my dress and carrying the train I really didnt need help and I didnt have a coordinator. They were more than willing to help but I alread enlisted the help of my boss and my aunt to set up smaller items for the reception that the reception site wouldnt (place cards, menu cards, favors, etc).
Post # 10
I definitely think it’s smart to consider what you think you’ll need from the BM and to discuss this with them up front. If you need a lot of help and they don’t think they can give it to you, then it’s worthwhile to figure that out sooner rather than later.
Personally, I didn’t need a lot of help from the gals–I relied on my mom and sister for most help. My BM were busy and scattered around the country, so I didn’t really rely on their help as much. Honestly, I didn’t really feel like it was necessary that they participate in the planning process/DIY, etc. For me, it was more important to me that I just had my best friends up there with me, witnessing our special day.
Post # 11
This is exactly why choosing a maid of honor will be difficult for me. A little background info on my family: I have a sister, a stepsister, and a half sister…all of which I love equally as sisters. However, I know my full biological sister expects to be chosen as my maid of honor. Unfortunately, that isnt my plan (based on reasons that were mentioned in the original post on how you also have to think about the personalities of your “maids” and how willing they will be to help out.) So although I am not yet engaged, I also struggle with this too!
Post # 12
I agree that you need to think long and hard. I chose a MOH who is a dear friend but she is not cut out for doing any the traditional MOH planning duties. It has created a living hell for me. She wants to do things her way, not my way. Has opinions on everything (and we’re not talking helpful opinions). And generally isn’t up for long term planning (more than 3 weeks out). If I had to do it over again I’d pick a new MOH that could do those things AND was one of my closest friends.
I just got caught up in the whole moment and didn’t think.