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No, it's not just you. I don't have much time for picky eaters like that. It would be nice if every wedding meal could cater for everyone's taste, but that is basically impossible. They should try everything that's there and if they don't like it, there's always bread (that's what my mother always said). They have lots of notice and would be able to plan to eat beforehand/afterward if they are worried.
Could your FMIL have the salmon starter followed by vegetarian soup? With bread, of course :)
some people just like to moan!
After chicken (as it is relatively cheap) lamb would be the most popular meat in New Zealand (for obvious reasons!)
stick with what you've got, it sounds really good
I'd be more worried about people not liking salmon than lamb, although that is in NZ
@foxi - I'm Welsh, so that's part of the reason I'm sticking to my guns over the lamb. Can't understand why anyone wouldn't like it 
I'm mainly worried that it's all so rich that I'm going to make people ill! It's the kind of meal that needs a defibrillator on standby!
I just wanted to vent at how annoying people can be. I've told my FI that if he wants to make special arrangements for his dad's cousin, then HE'LL have to do it. I'm not lifting a finger on this one!
I'm a lacto-ovo vegetarian with a degree in Religious Studies...so when I started planning our wedding menu I was really really worried about little things - is there gletain in anything? is it pork based or horse based or a vegetarian alternative? Is there a drop of rum in the entire 3-layer cake? If so, will my very orthodox Muslim cousins be able to eat it? Is shrimp allowed in all schools of Islamic thought? etc etc....
Then...I calmed down. I realized that as a veggie, people rarely think about me when planning meals, but I do just fine and always figure out on my own what I can eat and what I can't. Therefore, I just need to pick delicious food...and a variety of food and leave people to determine on their own what they won't/can't eat. Especially if you have a very large wedding or very picky people, you can't please everyone.
Seriously, people should grow up. As a guest you should eat what you are served. If you are a really picky eater you should eat something before you go out.
@cakegal: I second that!
Don't worry about other people, it's your wedding, have the food that you want!
@cakegal - I totally agree! I can't believe my FMIL is pushing this, either. A while back we were discussing wedding stuff, and I'd said how I was stressed because I had wanted a no-child wedding, and for various family related reasons I had to let that one go, and she'd said how she can't stand people making stress for couples at weddings, and how annoyed it makes her.
And here she was, making a big deal over a cousin with picky food tastes! (I'd like to add, this was said to me when I'd just walked in the door after a 15 hour day at work, which was preceded by 10 straight 12-14 hour days...) Because obviously that's more worth making a fuss over than people's kids...
We're catering for 140, including vegetarians, vegans, and some exciting food intolerances, and I just think that "I don't like that" is really pushing things. I'm glad you guys agree that it's unreasonable!
We had some food at our wedding that I knew some of my family wouldn't enjoy. Luckily they never complained and let us do our thing - you'll never know what people a few tables away do or don't eat! I tried to pick food that were "us" but also provide appetizers that I knew everyone would like. I think its all about balance - with a large group you want to make sure everyone is fed and happy - the last thing you want is hungry wedding guests at the end of the night. Maybe you could add to the menu, add some table appetizers (cheese, crackers to munch on after cockatil hour) or talk to your caterer about your issues.
It is unreasonable to expect the bride & groom to accommodate individual food preferences. Picky eaters should plan to eat something before or after the wedding if they don't like what's on offer. As you said, it's not a restaurant.
I'm a picky eater (I don't eat fruits or vegetables), and I've gone hungry at many weddings. It's not the bride and groom's fault, and I don't expect anyone to cater to my preferences.
Serve what you want! If they're hungry enough, they'll find something to eat!
hmmm to be totally honest i'm on the fence about this one. I am a super super picky eater so there are lots of times where there is nothing i want to eat a place and i deal. and for the most part i'm fine with it because being a picky eater is my problem, not my hosts. so in theory, i agree with you 100%
however.
it seems to me like the options you've picked aren't normal stuff that most people would like and its just the picky eaters that won't like it... it seems like you've picked kind of specialized stuff that there is a good chance a LOT of people won't like. So that is where i feel like maybe you should've been more accommodating. If you want to have lamb, thats cool-- have lamb. But a french onion tart seems kind of out there in terms of food most people would like. Why not do a pasta vegetarian option... that is something that most people like. or do the tart and then a chicken. I just think that you picked pretty fancy/specialized food and so you can't be taht surprised that you're having issues with it.
sorry... just my opinion.
@CorgiTales: I totally agree!
I am not a picky eater, IMO the food you guys picked is not something the majority of people would eat. When selecting our food we picked food that we knew EVERYONE would like.
It's not like you're serving monkey brains and beetle dung!
I don't understand picky eaters, do they not go to eat at friend's or family's houses, there's only one main course there. Or are there diets that limited? It's beyond me and definately not somewhere I'd budge. You're providing two delicious options and it's really rude just to demand more soup, especially if she doesn't like it. That's confusing, I guess she thinks she won't be full but umm....that I really don't have much sympathy for. Bring a protein bar if you've got blood sugar to worry about.
I donno, I've had times where there's exotic meals served, some I haven't loved, but it's one freaking meal, what's the big deal.
I think what "normal people" eat varies by region, family, social group. The majority of my guests are very into gourmet food and would be very disappointed with chicken and veggie pasta. It would sort of be considered a cop-out.
@troubled: i'm going to assume your questions were genuine and not just meant to be sarcastic. i am a picky eater and it is not (mostly) because of diet restrictions (although i am allergic to mango which is an increasingly popular ingredient lately and that gets challenging). I think the thing that a lot of people who will eat anything don't understand is that it isn't like "oh i prefer x to what is being served. that sucks." It's like... i will literally gag if i eat that. It isn't mental. It isn't me trying to be difficult. I have tried reaaaaaallly hard to branch out in my eating because it is extremely frustrating (especially as i get older and more into the world of business lunches and such). But if i put a piece of pork in my mouth, i will literally gag. Or fish. Or lamb. My stomach turns and I am actually physically incapable of eating it. So it isn't like "oh this isn't my favorite meal so i'm going to pout about eating it." It's... if this is what is being served i can NOT eat that.
And yes, I do go to eat at people's houses but usually just my friends and my friends all know enough that they usually ask me before they plan to make whatever if it is something i can eat. Plus, I just don't know a lot of people who would serve lamb.... particularly to a group of people because serving something that is not a common food to a group of people coming over for dinner SEEMS very risky bc what if people don't like it? Whenever I invite a group over I usually ask (if i don't already know) if they have any dietary restrictions or preferences and i work with it.
Personally, I don't eat lamb, but if other people want to that's fine with me. I would just select the vegetarian option. Don't worry about catering to everyone's whims, your menu sounds lovely and like there are options for those who don't eat lamb.
I'm on the fence here too. I'm not a picky eater. I eat most meats, but can't stand lamb. Unfortunately, I hate all seafood and fish. So with your menu I would have to eat the vegetarian option. But many people I know like salmon or lamb. But I definately think chicken would be a better option. But like you said, it's your favorite and your wedding. People can really just go get something to eat they like after the reception!
@Jenn23: Or load up on dessert ;) It would be a perfect excuse for me! LOL!
@CorgiTales: Yeah I have the gag reflex with potatoes - I literally felt like I couldn't force myself to swallow them, well up until about 2 years ago, and it's such a common food, they were always around. But, I didn't expect people not to serve potatoes. If I could I just chose not to take any if it was food being passed. If it was already on the plate I took little tiny bites and glugged down water. But there's so many people's houses where the parents especially would have taken a lot of offense if you didn't eat what was on your plate. It's just a foreign idea to think it's an acceptable thing just to reject food because it's not what you're 'used to'. And I do think some of it is mental with the gagging, if you're hungry enough you'll eat. But I also don't think lamb or fish or pork are risky meal options - I know a lot more people who don't like red meat than any of those. And it's impossible at a wedding to please everyone. She has four different dishes, that's surely more than enough. If someone is that picky of an eater then yes I think it's their burden to bear and realize that food is a social thing so people are going to judge a bit - as you've seen from business lunches, and there's only so accomadating people should be expected to be.
@Bakerella Didn't even think about that. Yep, any excuse to load up on dessert is good for me. :)
@Troubled I don't think the gag thing is just a mental thing. There are certain foods (albeit not many) that I seriously cannot eat. I personally wouldn't want somebody to "force" themselves to eat if I hosted a dinner if they really can't tolerate a particular food. I will eat foods I don't like, but if it's something I really, really can't stand, I'm not touching it. :)
Meh, do what YOU (and your FH) want to do. You are right, you can't cater to every single persons want, elsewise you may as well have your wedding at a restaurant where everyone just orders.
It's ONE meal, if for some reason they can't choke down (on thier part, your menu sounds yummy!) what you're offering, they can skip it.
Meh, you can't please everyone. If someone has a legitimate issue with every. single. item. on your menu....ask them nicely to bring a turkey sandwich, lol. J/k. If it were me, I'd eat cake. I really dislike bbq but we have it at ALL of our family get togethers. I eat fruit. I rinse off my burger patty. I eat the corn. I eat the cake. Not a biggie. I'd be mortified to actually complain to the faces of my MIL that I don't like BBQ. They only recently learned and they've known me for nearly 6 years now. It's just polite to not raise too much of a fuss.
@ Corgi tales: the veggie choice - that was down to one of my BMs, who's a vegetarian. We gave her the list of things that the caterers did for vegetarians, and she chose what she thought was nicest. I really didn't think that pastry + onions could be that much of a problem...
Someone raised a point about what's considered normal in different places, and I have to say, what we're serving (soup or salmon to start, and a roast dinner for main) is really, really standard in the UK. The only difference is that we've chosen lamb, rather than chicken or beef, which is generally what people serve at weddings here. I really feel that I've done enough by flagging up that we've chosen lamb, so people can chose the veggie option ahead of time. I've never been given that much choice about food at weddings - I've just been asked if I have "dietary requirements".
We had originally considered having Chinese food, because my FI ADORES Chinese buffets, but we thought that would be too much to ask from lots of older people who may not eat exotic things (starting with his grandma - no rice, no pasta, no spices, no garlic, the list goes on!)
I understand both sides of the foods-you-don't-like scenario: I cannot bear most fruit, to the gagging level of repulsive (this includes orange juice, and the smell of things like clementines and pineapples, so can be tricky). This just means that I've sat through a few melon starters, and passed on a few puddings in my time. Equally, my FI has sat through more than his fair share of salmon/shrimp starters and salads (he's having the soup at our wedding).
On the other hand, lots of things that I wouldn't eat in the past, I now love because as an adult, I was at formal events where that was the only food, so I tried a bit, and found out that actually, it was pretty good.
I'm not trying to force anyone to eat food they hate, I just think that if you're faced with a choice of 2 things (the invites say "we will be serving a fish starter and a lamb main course, but there will also be a vegetarian soup and main course. You are welcome to mix and match vegetarian and non-vegetarian courses), you should pick the one that you think will be least bad, and hope for the best. Maybe put a chocolate bar in your handbag just in case.
Seriously, we didn't make the food up - the wedding caterers gave us a list, and we chose what we liked best from it! (And not nearly the most exotic - we could have had partridge, pigeon, venison, pheasant....)
I think it's great. Like I said earlier, I would choose the veggie option and be happy. It's great that you were able to choose your favorite foods for the wedding. I'm sure most people will be pleased and you really can't always please everyone anyway. :)
I don't think the menu options are too exotic. I don't eat lamb, either, but I'd be happy with the French onion tart. Sounds yummy.
I think your options are fine. Not everyone is going to like everything. My fiance will eat any sort of meat, fish, or game EXCEPT chicken, which he thinks is like eating cardboard. If it's the only thing, he'll eat it, but I always find it weird when people assume that chicken is such a crowd pleaser - we have to actively avoid it. There are people who love and hate every type of dish, no matter how plain or exotic it is.
You're having other options available and being pretty flexible. There's no way to please everyone and people generally know how easy or difficult they are - they either make do with what they like or wallow in their complaints. Most people pick the former, and you don't need to accomodate the latter more than you're doing.
The one thing I have little tolerance for, though, is meat-eaters who insist that they cannot eat a vegetarian dish. That's just annoying.
You're providing way more options for your guests than many weddings I've been to - don't worry about a couple of picky eaters, they'll survive. You've given them meals they CAN eat; it's not your job to cater to everyone's preferences. I think it's great that you're offering the veggie side/main. Many people don't even do that.
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Ok, my FI and my favourite food is roast lamb. So, for our wedding we're having joints of roast lamb, carved at the table. When we were planning, there was quite a bit of fuss made over our choice, with people saying we should have a more popular meat like chicken, as lots of people don't like lamb. So, as a way round this, in our invites we told people that the dinner was going to be a fish starter (we're having salmon encroute) followed by lamb, but that there was the option of a vegetarian soup and a vegetarian main if they wanted. We also said it was fine for people to mix and match vegetarian and non-vegetarian as they wished. We're obviously also catering for specific food intolerances/vegans etc on an individual basis.
So now we find that FI's dad's cousin (who hasn't RSVPd yet) doesn't like lamb, and won't eat vegetarian food. My FMIL said "she doesn't like goat's cheese". I pointed out that not one single thing on the menu has goat's cheese in it (the veg option is French onion tart), and that since all the courses are very very rich (salmon encroute with hollandaise, roast lamb and dauphinoise potatoes, sticky toffee pudding and cream), maybe she could try the tart, and if she doesn't like it, just have extra potatoes. But apparently that's not good enough, they're expecting us to come up with something else for her, or give her 2 starters.
Is it just me that thinks that it's unreasonable to start bandying about random food preferences when your meal is being paid for at a big event? It's not a restaurant.