(Closed) pictures and ketubah signing before ceremony..?

posted 7 years ago in Jewish
Post # 3
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Although we are seeing each other before the wedding, there is no requirement by Jewish law that the ketuba be signed in advance.  We are having the ketuba signing during the main ceremony because we want everyone to be able to be there and it makes logistics easier.  Perhaps ask your rabbi if he would be willing to do that?  You can always appoint someone to corral people while you are in yichud so you can takes pictures after.

Post # 4
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

We’re signing our ketubah before the chuppah and of course also doing the bedeken (groom veils the bride) before the ceremony. Since we’re doing that, we’re also taking pictures beforehand. Part of why we’re doing the pictures is also because we prefer not to miss our cocktail hour. So after the chuppah, we’ll go to our yichud room for a few minutes, and then join our guests.

My brother just got married and did it this way, as well as doing the pictures before hand.

I’ve never seen a ketubah signing during the ceremony. I usually associate the ketubah signing with a more intimate, personal gathering so I probably wouldnt choose to sign it in front of all of my guests. Plus, I wouldnt want anyone to feel rushed in signing their name properly (as most people need a little extra time to sign in Hebrew) and you typically are supposed to have some kind of refreshment/drink for a l’chaim after the ketubah. The ketubah will be displayed and read during the ceremony (that’s pretty traditional).

Are you doing the bedeken? If so, your groom will need to see you so he can veil you before the chuppah.

Post # 5
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Also, just FYI, you are married, according to Jewish law, after you sign the ketubah. Not sure where in the ceremony you would be signing, but if you signed it at the end (after the kiddushin, exchange of rings, sheva brachot etc), you wouldn’t technically be married until it was signed. 

Post # 6
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We are doing our ketubah signing before the ceremony per our rabbi. We decided to do first look photos and our family and wedding party photos before the ceremony so that we can do the yichud and then go right into the reception and dinner.

Due to some issues with our venue, we have to have our rehearsal about an hour before our first look photos, so FH will see me w/my hair and headpiece done.

Anyway, I digress. If you have to do the signing before the ceremony but still want to surprise your FH, then I would suggest doing first look photos. You’ll still take his breath away when he first sees you at the other end of the aisle for the ceremony. Nothing will change that.

If you want to keep the surprise for your grand entrance, then speak to your rabbi about it. See if you could do the signing right before or after your yichud since it’ll be easy to get everyone (you, your FH, your rabbi, and witnesses) gathered again at that point.

Post # 7
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@RhubarbPie: In Judaism, there are three ways to get married — exchange of an item of value, contract, and sex (with intent).  During a Jewish wedding ceremony, the rings are the exchange, the ketuba is the contract, and yichud represents the last.  During the ceremony, it is perfectly acceptable to have the ketuba signed between erusin (the exchange of rings) and kiddushin (the sheva brachot) as long as the two witnesses are present.

Post # 8
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@Chatanzilla: the ketubah is the contractual marriage. It is a legally binding contract. Once it is signed, you are married.

The ayrusin is the betrothal. Back in the day, it wasn’t even performed in conjunction with the nisuin – they were seperate, and the ring was basically a symbol of the commitment (although that’s putting it a little lightly, it was more like a guarantee of marriage, you were off the market etc.). When the nisuin finally came around, you could finally move out of your parents house and be together. And it could be months after the betrothal. Obviously its different in these modern times and we do both together, but the ring does not mean you’re married (unlike in many non-Jewish weddings where ring plus vows means you’re married).

As far as yichud, while it used to be the time when you consumate the marriage, typically you don’t do that anymore. And whether you do or you dont have sex, you’re still married one way or the other. Its an important part of the conclusion of the ceremony, but it doesn’t nullify the marriage if the expected doesn’t happen (and its generally not expected anymore).

So there are many different symbolic and legal gestures we make in the process of the ceremony, but there arent really 3 ‘ways’ to get married, you definitely can’t pick and choose (legally I mean…practically, anyone can do whatever they want as long as all parties, including the rabbi, agree), and I guess there is some flexibility as far as the order of things goes, but not very much (again, legally speaking…and again, everyone can just do whatever makes them feel good).

I used to be frum and am obviously not involved in that community anymore, so I’m certainly never one to tell people what they should and shouldn’t do with their ketubah (I mean, non-Jews have ketubot now, so…). If someone wants to sign it mid-ceremony, as long as they and their rabbi are cool with that, then go for it. However, its always good to know what the technicalities are so you can make an informed decision. The ketubah is the contractual marriage. If you’re cool going in without having the contract signed, then by all means, go for it.

Post # 9
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’ve just finished reading “The New Jewish Wedding, Revised” as my Cantor requested, and the “surprise” walking down the aisle isn’t really Jewish tradition. All the Jewish weddings I’ve been to, as well as my upcoming wedding, have the bride and groom see each other beforehand to sign the ketubah, and get pictures/first look.

Post # 10
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Stammie16: We had to read the same book, per our rabbi. It was very interesting to learn some of the background of the traditions. (FH is Jewish, I am not)

Post # 11
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@WonderTwin:  I thought the book was interesting in some parts, I did enjoy reading about the actual ceremony under the chuppah.  I skipped over parts that didn’t pertain to me though.  I couldn’t believe they had a divorce section at the end!!  Now I am putting sticky notes for FH to read over the “highlights” before we meet again with our Cantor next week!! LOL

Post # 12
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Traditionally, the bride does NOT sign the Ketubah. Traditional order of things is Ketubah (groom and witnesses), the bedeken (veiling of bride) by groom, then chuppah/ceremony.

Post # 13
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ve been having this same dilemma for a while now. I think we’ve settled on photos first, then ketubah signing, then -hopefully a few minutes break apart- and then the ceremony. I am a bit worried about the “anti-climactic” factor and am not sure how to combat that either. :/

Post # 14
Member
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@seatxbee:  I wouldn’t worry too much. Every wedding I’ve been to they had a first look or bedeken/ketubah signing first, and the groom was still super emotional when the bride made her entrance at the aisle 🙂

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