- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2016
Ok, been a long time since I’ve posted anything on here, and I came today for some Bridal Shower advice for the first wedding I’ve ever been asked to be part of, which is taking place in June.
But I guess I feel that we’ve had a small breakthogh of sorts, and I needed to share here, as I posted in the past about my woes, and really wanted to share something more positive.
I’ve been waiting a looooooooonnnnggg time. About 6 years of actual, honest-wih-myself-waiting, with about another long bout of years of me denying I even cared if we got married. And finally, after every single close friend and relative has gotten married/engaged/had children or all of the above, BF broke down talking about severe money troubles we’ve had over the last year with him finishing college after a decade hiatus, and with me facing the possible loss of fudning for my office and my job because of it (thanks, Congress), he was telling me things he wanted the money for… and he hesitated, and admitted that he really wanted to have a ring for me before now, and wanted us to have a nice, “real” wedding to make up for the wait, and a real trip for a honeymoon, not just a quick drive somewhere for an over-night, as all our little vacations have been.
This was the most honest, the most in depth he’s ever told me about actually wanting to marry me. I mean, I’d been hoping, as usual, for the last 6 months of “engagement season” thru my birthday 2 weeks ago, and have been having those bad days where I feel like I’m not good enough for my family, so how could I be good enough for anyone to marry, ever? And this statement made all that go away. So though I am sad it’s not happened, that I still have my jerk of a father’s last name, and that our money troubles and the troubled economy combined mean it’s still a while off… I feel better. I’m still waiting, and will be quite a bit longer, but that’s okay, somehow.
I just wanted to share, as some longer-posting bees might still be lurking and remember me. I see a tiny light in the tunnel, and I’m not alone in life as move towards it. 🙂