Post # 1
OK, now I know there have been a lot of heated posts about this topic so ladies, let’s not get nasty.
My FI and I have a “no strippers” policy regarding our respective parties. He’s not into it, I’m not into it. I find it disrespectful to celebrate your impending marriage to someone by looking at other people naked. Just my opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own, but that is mine.
So, this weekend my FI went to his friend’s bach party in New Orleans. After drinking during the day, at night a lot of the guys hit the strip clubs. FI did not go with them. So I should be happy about this, right? Well I still wasn’t. I don’t know, it just really aggravated me that he was even a part of a group where people were doing that, regardless of whether or not he went with them. I’m not a prude, but I just find it disrespectful. What bothered me I think was that, while I know he’s not into it and didn’t go, what if for his own bachelor party some of his friends decide that they want to go or like surprise him with a stripper or something. I’ll f**king flip out. I swear I will. I guess it’s not about him but the company he was keeping that really ticked me off but I was a total b***h on the phone all weekend and last night when he got home. Like, you want a f**king medal because you didn’t go to a strip club? STFU. I’m PMS-ing too, which isn’t helping.
Needed to vent about this. I know I’m irrationally angry about it and I said as much to him, but I still can’t shake my s**tty mood.
Post # 3
I’m sorry about your weekend. When I’m PMS-ing if something sets me off, all I see is red for a few days too. I agree, your FI did the right thing, but the company he keeps says a lot about him too. If you two have this agreement, I’m glad he stuck to it. You just need to talk and be open with each other and he needs to be ADIMIT with his friends that strippers are NOT allowed. If they’re <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>truly his friends, they will listen, if they balk – then maybe he needs some new firends.
Post # 4
youre not being irrational at all, but you gotta calm down. a) you cant control what someone else’s bach party is like. b) u cant control the party that other people throw your FI. when it was time for my hubs bach party, i made it perfectly clear that we would have problems if there were any strippers involved. guess what, some of guys (but not him) broke off from the rest of the group and went to some seedy all night strip club. what could i say? hubby had “ALLEGEDLY” not joined them. i think it just bothers me that so many married, about to be married, and men in serious relationships went! i think the bach party is really for the friends and not the guy about to be married anyways. which also upsets me but thats another post.
all you can do is have a cup of tea and calm down dude. i am with you with the anger but its not going to get you anywhere. you have shared you strong feelings about the topic with FI. all you can do know is trust that he will respect your feelings.
Post # 5
A little clarification – these were not his core group of friends by any means. It was mostly his friend’s HS friends that were acting like morons all weekend. But two of the guys that were there (including the one whose party it was) are in his wedding party. I’m not sure the other one went but I’m fairly certain he did – he’s a big time party guy and doesn’t have a serious girlfriend right now. These also happen to be the two groomsmen I haven’t met yet (they are in Chicago and the rest of the guys are in NY). As for FI’s friends that I do know – including his best man and two of his other groomsmen – I’ve told them and he’s told them NO STRIPPERS. They were joking around with me at this engagement bar party we had that they were going to get a stripper but FI swears it was only to get a rise out of me and that they aren’t into that sort of thing either. One of them is married, one has a serious GF, and the other just isn’t into paying money to see a naked woman he can’t have sex with.
It just really gets to me that this is still considered “traditional” behavior. And the nastiest thing about this party this weekend is that the groom’s FBIL was one of the guys that was gung-ho stip club. Like, excuse me, this man is marrying YOUR SISTER and you’re gonna go buy him a friggin lapdance? Gross!
Post # 6
This is a tough situation and I understand some of your feelings b/c we also had the “no stripper” bach-party rule.
It sounds to me like there are two seperate issues, the first is the Bachelor party he just went to and the second is that you are worried about what might happen at his bachelor party.
I think that you are overreacting a little to him being at the bachelor party in New Orleans. Give him some credit for not going to the strip club, I’m sure that it was uncomfortable for him to “break from the group”. It sounds like he thought you would be proud of him for not going to the strip club and I’m sure he made the decision not to go, at least partially b/c he knew you wouldn’t want him to. You can’t be mad at him for hanging out with people who would go to a strip club, our friends don’t always have the exact same values that we have and it’s not fair to push our values on other people.
As for his bach party, maybe you could ask him to have a serious conversation with his best man about how he doesn’t want strippers. Maybe he could request a specific theme for the bachelor party and tell the best man that he would prefer to go to a casino or deep sea fishing. Also, maybe you could have a chat with your FI before his bachelor party. We talked about what would happen if my husbands friends got strippers despite what he had said. I told him that I understood that it would be too weird for him to just walk out so I understood if he stayed there but that I was very uncomfortable with him touching a stripper or getting a lap dance.
Try to put this in perspective. I stressed about the bach party too and I understand how things hit a bit harder when you are PMSing.
Post # 7
Oh, PMS. You ruin me. I mean, I know I’m irrationally angry about the whole thing. He was a good boy. He also brought me back some yummy N’Orleans pickled okra like I asked for, so I really should take it easy on the poor guy 🙂
I think the fact that I had a crappy weekend and he was away on top of the stripper thing is really at the heart of the issue. That and stupid girl hormones.
Post # 8
you’ve got a good man! i hope mine would do the same thing 😉
Post # 9
I agree with previous posters that I think you are overreacting a little about the New Orleans thing. The point is, he didn’t go to the strip club. A lot of men (my fiance included!) would have gone with the excuse that “everyone else was going and he HAD to” I don’t think you should be so upset about his friends. We don’t all share the same values with our friends, especially when it comes to stuff like this.
Post # 10
OK, I’m feeling a bit calmer now. Makes me think I probably should have hopped on Weddingbee this weekend for venting before he got home 🙂
Post # 11
Just be grateful he didn’t secretly go AND keep it quiet from you! That shows he truly respects your opinion. We all have friends that do things we wouldn’t necessarily do; doesn’t make them bad friends persay. I’m sure he caught hell from his buddies, but he didn’t give in to peer pressure! Good man =]. Once the PMS is gone I think you’ll be much calmer. It really does make us all a little crazy, doesn’t it? Also sounds like since didn’t go for his buddy’s, he’ll be respectful of you for his own. Plus, like your FI said, the other dudes (Best man aside) don’t sound into it, and majority will rule.
Post # 12
*hugs* Has FI talked to his friends about your rule? Hopefully they’ll respect you and him enough to abstain from strippers for his bachelor party!
Post # 13
I think you hit it on the head when you said you’re irrationally angry about this. I’m not being nasty, but I think that the PP who said you cannot control what other people do was right on. The only thing you can control is how you respond. You’re not marrying his friends, you are marrying HIM and HE didn’t go to the strip club. So nothing bad or wrong transpired, even according to your no-strippers agreement. Be thankful you’ve got a man that isn’t swayed by peer pressure. Not everyone is so lucky.
Personally, I didn’t care at all that DH saw strippers for his bachelor party, and he wouldn’t have cared if I saw any. I do understand where you’re coming from, as one of my BFF’s has a HUGE issue with strippers, and the idea that there might be any at my bachelorette or DH’s bachelor party kept both her and her FI away from the festivities. (For the record, he saw them, I didn’t, and she knew that.) And the friend who opted not to come was a bridesmaid, so I appreciate that this is a deeply personal issue.
But I think you need to chill a bit and look at the fact that you have an honest and loyal FI. Breathe and appreciate what you’ve got!
Post # 14
I think you’ve got a good guy. He managed to resist the peer pressure of a destination bachelor party and respect his agreement with you. Yeah, he deserves a medal, IMHO.
Post # 15
Well, maybe this is TMI, but before we go giving him any medals – the reason he doesn’t like strippers is because once a few years back when he went to a strip club with some of his buddies, a stripper who had just had a kid lactated on him. So while he does respect our agreement, he’s got his own reasons for wanting nothing to do with the whole scene.
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
I feel your pain, Kittyachi, bc a few weeks ago (and I posted about it, the thread got kinda heated) my FH went to a bach party in New Orleans as well, only he WENT to the strip clubs with everyone, using the “everyone else was going” excuse. I was VERY upset with him, so I definitely know how you feel…At least he didn’t go in one….But in general, I think strip clubs are gross and nasty, so I understand you being upset about him being with people who went but like others have said, he was a good man for not going, so try to give him props for that and remind him that for his, the same rule stands…