(Closed) Pissed at FH being $$ Irresponsible

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s a crappy situation but if you don’t bail him out then he won’t be able to work and chances are that means you won’t have any spending money without him working anyway. Just make sure you have a conversation with him about notifying each other before you make a large purchase like that.

Post # 5
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

That definitely was not cool of him. This is something you should both sit down and discuss -how you spend your money. I know you said you don’t combine your finances now, but you’re getting married soon and something like this won’t change over night.

Post # 6
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, you have the right to be pissed.  I would be too.  Sometimes I feel my FI is irresponsible with money because he has me to fall back on.

We do live together and we have a joint account for shared expenses, then personal accounts for our own uses.  What bugs me is that he blows through his personal money on “wants’ for himself, and then ends up either poor til next payday or I end up covering for us/him.  Not fair.

ETA:  We have addressed this and continue to work on it.  He is getting better! 🙂

 

Post # 7
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@yellowshoe:  +1

Yes, this was very irresponsible of him, but if you want that to not happen in the future, you need some sort of understanding of how you are going to manage your money and what happens when a situation like this pops up. 

Post # 8
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would definitely try to talk with him and get on the same page with money. If you don’t, it will be detrimental to your relationship.

Post # 9
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Did he not know about the tickets when he bought the item? If so, sure be upset. But, it’s only $150.00 vs. being unemployed so I’d loan him the money and use this opportunity to have a chat about being responsible with finances and making sure you guys are on the same page about spending.

Post # 11
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would be less upset about the tickets than I would about him spending his last $150 on something so unnecessary. Does he have an “emergency fund”? Because unpaid tickets resulting in a suspended license definitely qualifies as an emergency. If he does not have an emergency fun and only had $150 (now $0) which he then spent on a trinket at a Renaissance Festival, than you have much bigger issues than the speeding tickets….

Post # 12
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

that sucks, he should have paid off the ticket instead of buying that item 🙁 sadly i am on the other side of the scale, i am currently unemployed, spend money on silly things (mostly junk food – addiction) and borrow money from my FI. I wish i could change it, it’s just really hard, especially when sometimes I need to buy certain things (jeans when my old ones don’t fit, stockings for interviews, etc) 

just sharing my story from the other point of view 🙂

should add: no savings whatsoever, zilch, zero

Post # 13
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Some people just are not very good with money, and no amount of input from someone else will ever change that. By the time you’re in your early 20’s, most folks already have their lifelong money-handling skills set. You either know how to balance your checkbooks and pay your bills, or you don’t.  It sounds like the OP’s fiance falls into that latter category, which can be annoying at times, but isn’t the end of the world.

While my fiance is pretty good with money from the perspective of every bill gets paid on time and checks never bounce, he’s horrible with long-term planning and saving. And if he’s got a little extra money knocking around, it gets spent, usually on electronics and gadgets.  I accept it for what it is— just his style with money— and we’ve agreed that each month, each of us will contribute to a joint account, which I manage and the money is used for expenses that directly impact both of us. Everything from the mortgage to groceries to car insurance all come from this “pot” and anything left over goes into a joint savings account.  We each also have our own accounts, so whatever’s left in our paychecks is ours to spend as we see fit. If we had been in the same scenario as the OP, it’s highly likely that the tickets would have come from the joint “pot” simply because I’m good at making sure those things get paid, and that money, unlike his personal account, is right there under my control.  The tickets get paid and no one has to argue or feel like they’re being taken advantage of.

Post # 14
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Jacqui90:  I wish i could change it, it’s just really hard


Sorry to threadjack, but no, it isn’t. Don’t spend money you don’t have. (the only exception being if your life is actually in danger if you don’t spend it…i.e. medical help or real (not junk) food.) 

Volunteer at a homeless shelter and it will probably put into perspective how important those new jeans are.

 

Post # 15
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Wow I would not be happy either in your shoes. Can he return the purchase he made? If he can he should be returning it. There is no way he should spend his last money on something so irresponsible! If it came down to it though, I would still lend him the money. Not worth losing a job over.

Post # 16
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@CanAmBride:  i have tried, and am going to look into a money management seminar or something. i have done volunteering a few times and it does feel good to help those less fortunate, last year with the floods i was able to help out in a flood relief centre and it was really moving to see a community come together in support of those who have lost their homes and their belongings in the flood

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