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@rlsh86: Yikes! I'd be upset too. It sounds like there are deeper issues here. Have you two thought about couples counseling?
Wow - that's really messed up. I'm sorry.
I don't want to upset you but I would encourage you to take a long, hard look at this guy. This incident does not speak well of his character and trustworthiness at all.
Best of luck to you.
@rlsh86: Fake as in? CZ? It wasn't right of him to let you believe it was one thing while it was another.
So you don’t want to wear one at all? I get why you are mad, he lied and you found out before he confessed. But you are married and he wants to buy you another ring, and now you won't wear it. It’s a ring, it does not mean your marriage or relationship was built on a lie.
How horrible! I mean, he lied to you and he could have been upfront about it in the first place. I also don't buy this 'the realy one's getting sized' junk. A relationship is based on trust, so with pulling this crap - how disgusting. He definitely needs to see the error in his ways and apologize big time. The next time there's ring talk, you two should go together to pick one out.
Woah.
First of all, you have every reason to be upset. I would be incredibly hurt as well and I think that your reasons for being upset are completely valid.
I honestly second the PP that mentioned going to counselling and/or having a really serious talk about why he would think that it was okay for him to lie to you EVER and also why he would use this opportunity to "make things up to you" by making them worse by lying. To be honest, he sounds really disingenuous and I would be really concerned about what else he could be lying about.
Other then this (and your wedding, where you said he behaved like an ass) do you guys have a good relationship?
Wow...it sounds like he keeps trying to make things up to you but keeps fumbling over his own lies. Counseling would defintiely be something that you guys would benefit from.
He was wrong to to that. You reasons for being upset are valid! I would be pissed too! You two need to talk some things. I agree with the OP about maybe seeking some couples therapy.
Well it's certainly not a good sign that he lied about it. Perhaps he is embaressed to admit her couldn't afford a real one? Beyond the ring issue, it sounds like there is more trouble brewing than just this issue. Do you guys have an otherwise happy relationship?
I would be completely furious, too.
The repeated lying and rationalizing are big red flags, in my opinion.
Why did you guys skip the formal wedding the first go-round?
I think you have every reason to be upset, and I think in your shoes it would make me question this guy all together. Best of luck.
Thats prety awful. I would be shocked if there is a "real" ring coming...i mean if there was he: 1 - could have waited and gave you that or 2: told you when he was giving you a fake one that it was fake and a real one was on the way
Either way you have every right to be upset. As PP posters have mentioned here, maybe you ugys need some couples counselling?
Also, why was he being an ass they day you guys did the court wedding? and why did you skip out on a formal wedding in the first place?
Soooo.....you married him even though you were furious with each other that day?
And then he lied to you about the ring afterward?
I think you guys have some deep issues you need to work through.
i agree. he should have told me "this is a fake ring, but the real one is on the way" i would have been compleltey fine with that, i wouldn't be angry. i'm struggling with this guy's "honesty" even if he told me "i'm giving you this ring, but it's fake" i would have been OK with that! and we skipped out on the real thing the first time b/c we're both military, and wanted to be stationed together. and he didn't even act just a LITTLE happy on our wedding day and came back with sarcastic comments all day, could it have killed him to smile one time? IF there's a real ring on the way, i will not wear it. i'll pay him back if i have to for it, but i really even doubt it's coming. i do not like that he's lying to me! i've had enough of lies!
@rlsh86: Aww...that's awful (about your wedding day). I'm really pushing for the couple's counseling. You sound really unhappy and he sounds like maybe he really wasn't ready to actually get married to begin with.
I'm sorry you're going thru this and have to echo the suggestion of couples counseling. How long have you two been married? Although your wedding daysounds a bit rough, how has your relationship been (not counting the ring issue) since then?
I love him more than anything in the world, but i'm also running out of patientce. this isn't the first thing he's tried to "pull over my head".
@rlsh86: Yeah...I know how it feels when the person you love lets you down. I'm sorry.
Do you think that he would be open to counseling?
I'm really not sure, i've brought it up before, but he wasn't for it.
@rlsh86: It sounds like there really are some deeper issues here. Will he open up to you about why he wasn't happy on the wedding day? It really seems like these issues go far beyond the "ring". I'd be upset too if I were you, but I'd also really be taking a close look at the relationship as a whole.
@rlsh86: No harm in bringing it up again. IMO what you deserve is to have a DH who is honest and respectful of your feelings. You guys need to figure out why this isn't a priority for him.
My heart goes out to you...this can't be easy at all. :(
I agree with @KatNYC2011:, it sounds like the ring isn't the whole problem. It's a red flag for deeper issues in the relationship.
You said you've had enough of lies, that this is not the first thing he's tried to pull over your head. What other things has he lied about? You also said he was cold and sarcastic to you on your wedding day. Did you ever tell him how you felt about that? How did he respond?
At the end of the day, do you trust this man? Do you feel respected by him?
I'm really late to reply to this
Wow. I can't believe this post didn't get more replies.
My first instinct was "I wouldn't marry a man who did that to me"...But you are already married to him ! I hope you are ok, and not so pissed anymore, but I also hope you seriously consider the intentions behind his actions. However, lying for any reason is never good.
I'm so sorry! I'm wondering what other things he's "pulled over your head". It sounds like there are deeper issues going on that need to be resolved.
You're not late to reply, lol. I'm ok now but we're going to have a LONG talk about WHY he did this and how lying is NEVER right, he claims he had good intentions by doing it, he just went about it the wrong way. i don't know. i don't really know what to say to him to get it through his head.
not really. we just kind of ignore it ever happened. he took the rings back, and i still have no ideal what he did with them, he won't tell me. probably got his $60 back... i've just accepted i'm never going to have a nice ring, (and no, there wasn't another ring "on the way being sized, big suprise" but eh, it's not what's really important, anyway...
@rlsh86: :( You sure you're ok with this? Doesn't it worry you that he'll lie about something so small??
Wow, I mean, I'm sure most of us would agree that a string ring would be okay, as long as it's from the man we love.
Why don't you talk to him about other options such as gemstones, high quality CZ, Asha, etc. If money is the issue, you could always just opt for a wedding band when you get married?
Sorry you had to deal with this...this should have been a great moment for you.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I have to say it doesn't sound like he's "grown up" yet. A honest, mature, genuine man wouldn't do that to a lady. Please seek counseling/deal with it now before more hurt comes along. Best of luck to you, sorry you have to deal with these deep hurtful emotions.
well, i'm not super happy about it, but i'm trying to be a grown up and realistic about it
he has agreed to start conseling. so i do believe that is a big step.
Money's not really an issue...we're both AD military, so we make decent money and have job security, he has a lot saved up. and it's not like i was expecting some huge rock or anything, just a small one. he's just cheap by nature...on everything.
Oh my! I am terribly sorry to hear this. Feels like your beautiful, innocent moment was ripped away.
The lying is definitely not okay. If he does it with his so-called "good intentions", then it should have a good outcome. He can easily judge the result of the lie before fibbing.
This was uncalled for. Please both of you talk to each other in a constructive way about this. No one wants to destroy a marriage. So might as well find ways that will make it work for YOU.
that i'm not going to have a nice ring, but that's ok. it's really not what's important anyway...why he lied to me, that is what's important, and i need to make sure he will never do it again, even if he says he has "good intentions" i think the counceling will help a lot too.
Good start is right...counseling should hopefully help. Just make sure he's doing it for the RELATIONSHIP not to "shut you up" as my boyfriend would put it. Just a piece of advice or it won't do any good at all. I'm sorry that he did that to you and hope that all works out. That is not cool for him to have done that to you. Good luck!
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ok, i posted about how i never got a proposal and was never "engaged" i just got married at the courthouse. DH was kind of an ass that day (well, he was) and said he wanted to make it up to me, so we started planning a wedding and he suprised me by"proposing" to me on the beach. He told me he wanted to give this to me, b/c he loved me, and because i deserved it, and then he Encouraged me to show the ring off to everybody, but here's the thing: It's FAKE! I found out it was fake. When i confronted him he just said that he didn't think i would research it and find out! I asked him "why did you encourage me to show other people? what if one of them had known it was fake? i would have been SO embarased!" i would have been perfectly fine with a fake ring as long as i KNEW it was fake, and he didn't try to play it off as a real diamond! He totally tried playing it off, too. He says he gave me the fake one to see what size my finger one and that he did buy a real one and it was currently getting "sized" but i'm not sure if i buy that or not. I told him i want nothing to do with his ring, this one or the one's that coming. i told him IF he really did buy another ring, i would refund his money for it in full, but i will NOT wear any ring based on a lie. I can't believe he gave me a fake ring and told me that it was what i deserved! honestly, i would have been fine with it if he had just told me the truth to start with! But, he even encouraged me to show it off, that's why i think no other ring is coming, and even if the real ring does come, i will NOT wear it.