Post # 1
I am PISSED!!!
My bestfriend in the world is a guy who I went to highschool with many moons ago. We had always laughed and joked around that if and when I ever decide to get married he would be my Male of Honor. Well when I finally got engaged back in November I asked him and he happliy agreed to do it. His wife advised him of all the responsibilities that came along with this title.
Well here it is 20 days before my wedding and do you think he has done anything??? He has NOT thrown/hosted me a bridal shower nor has he arranged to throw me a bachelorette party. But he has: bought brand new leather chairs for his man cave at his home, hosted several bbq’s at his house each weekend, went downtown to the local bars and racked up tabs between $100-200 each time, had a going away block party for a drinking buddy (who he has known less time than me) and last but not least gown to Hawaii for 10 glorious days with his wife.
And to top it off each time my fiance mentions anything that has to do with what he is/supposed to do he says that he doesn’t have the money – they are broke!!! But it seems mightly funny to me that he has money to do what he WANTS to do but none to do what he is SUPPOSED to do when it comes to me and my wedding.
This whole siutation has left me with a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to him and our friendship. Now I see who my real friends are!!!
Please tell me if I have a right to be as pissed as I am???
Post # 3
Um. Well I don’t think you have the right to be as mad as you are, frankly.
Men aren’t usually “Men of Honor” in weddings. I would guess that your friend doesn;t know what is expected of him, and that his lack of participation is probably because he is clueless that he is supposed to throw you a shower, etc. and not because he doesn’t care for you.
Just try and remember that a shower is not required (although is is nice) and try to accept that your Man of Honor isn’t going to fulfill the role to the degree you had hoped. Enjoy him standing up for you on your day, but beyond that I wouldn’t expect much.
Post # 4
None of those things are required, just nice. Maybe, b/c he’s a guy, he thinks it’s not a big deal (aka he’s not listening to his wife?). He didn’t say that he couldn’t afford to throw you a part (so the chairs, vacation, etc are all quite moot in my opinion), he probably just didn’t think of it
are you having other bridesmaids? what about your mom? what about your fmil? somebody else easily could’ve offered to throw one. If you really wanted a party, you could’ve arranged it yourself, bought all the food, and gone out with your girlfriends as a regular night out. You could’ve asked him, too, if he had any ideas and said something along the lines of, “hey i was wondering if you had a weekend you wanted to throw the X party. I want to keep it as simple as possible, so don’t do anything crazy! i just want to hang out with everyone” or something so you don’t come across as greedy for gifts (make it like, you wanna know the schedule).
20 days out is pushing it, but a lot of women have their bachelorette parties a week or two in advance, so….
inquire nicely, but don’t act entitled about it. that won’t fly
Post # 5
I think you needed to talk to him about what you expected his “duties” to be before 20 days before your wedding.
it’s kinda late now to be mad about it! And other people could have filled in these roles as well as he is a guy and probably has never been to a bridal shower or bachelorette party before.
Post # 6
I agree with the others. He probably doesn’t really know what is expect (and guys aren’t great at planning). If I were a guy, I would probably feel awkward planning a bridal shower and bachelorette party because those are girl-only events. I didn’t have either of them before my wedding and even though it’s sad, it wasn’t the end of the world.
Post # 7
I don’t think Men ‘get it’ and am not surprised to hear he blew off the bach party and shower planning. Sorry! And there are no real expectations as to what bridesmaids/moh’s have to do for a wedding except for show up to the wedding.
Post # 8
I don’t think you should let him off the hook just b/c he’s a guy… come on. That excuse might work for the shower, but guys know about bachelor parties… bachelorette parties aren’t much different unless you’re having a spa day or something.
But, I agree that it is a little too late. If you want a night out, be upfront with him about it. Ask him point blank if and when he is planning on getting everyone together to celebrate before the wedding.
Post # 9
I think this is why guys usually aren’t Men of Honor – they don’t have any interest in showers etc. Women are more likely to enjoy planning these types of events.
It might have been better to ask him to do a reading rather than have him be in your bridal party. I think you might have been expecting too much.
Post # 10
I think the biggest problem here was that you expected his wife to let him know about all the rules. If it had come from you then it would probably mean a lot more. Of course, you still have time to have a shower thrown (think finger foods in his man cave so he can show off his new chairs) and if you’re super set on having a bachelorette, I’d see if somebody else can throw it for you as he’ll most likely feel uncomfortable otherwise.
Post # 11
I think you might be expecting too much. A few friends of mine have had ‘men of honor’ but their girls were the ones who planned events. I just don’t think it is a man thing. It is nice that you wanted to honor him in that way, so just remember the reasons that you wanted him to stand up with you in the first place and maybe see if any of your other girlfriends are interested in taking the reigns…
Post # 12
Honey, I had a female Maid/Matron of Honor and she did jack sh*t in terms of wedding prep, etc. Frankly a man wouldn’t have a clue.
Post # 13
No one, including your bridal party, is obligated to throw you a shower or do anything else for you, and asking for one is rude. The bridal party is required to buy a dress/rent a tux and show up on time. That’s it. And you shouldn’t judge other people’s finances – maybe he had been saving for a long time to buy those chairs – it wouldn’t be fair of you to ask him to dip into that money for your wedding.
Post # 14
Is it possible that your man of honor thinks you are unconvential (since you did ask a guy to be your MOH) and just assumed that you wouldnt want or need these convential events?
I think there was a real lack of communication here and the worst part is you are seriously running out of time. Get your girls together and start planning the bachelorette party ASAP, since you can totally do that last minute and it doesnt have to be expensive. However, I think the bridal shower is a lost cause :o(. So sorry!
Post # 15
I’m planning it all myself and as I told people they offered to help. Now I have some friends planning it along with me.
Post # 16
In My Humble Opinion, it seems as if your expectations were a little high because he is a guy. They dont really know all of whats involved and they cant be bogged down with too many details otherwise you’re setting yourself up for failure. All of those things are agreeably, niceties, but not requirements. You have a right to be angry, but you missed your mark a little on this one, unfortunately, I’m sorry. Have you talked to him at all to see where his head is at on this? Maybe he would like to step down?