- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I've been whining on various threads over the last week or so and finally got it together to put everything together in one post. At this moment, I hate my wedding. I get married in 10 days. I am so disappointed about everything after all the work I put into it.
I got engaged in March 2008. We could have swung a smallish wedding that next June. But I wanted a big wedding. My cousin had gotten married the previous year, I asked her about her numbers (150-160) and I assumed mine would be similar as we share the same family (we have a gigantic family) So we had a longggg engagement so that we could plan the big, beautiful wedding I dreamed of. We pinched every penny. We saved and saved and saved. We went all out and we're paying for everything, including awesome out-of-town gifts, wedding party gifts, hair, makeup, nails, etc. Our venue is considered high-end in the area we're having it.
As of this morning, we've had to beg our venue to lower the minimum to 120. We're not even going to make that. We invited 200 people. I feel like everyone has said no. Close friends and family are not attending for reasons such as a weekend up at camp, helping a friend at the amatuer race track, etc. We sent save the dates, we sent invitations in a reasonable time frame, we got incredible hotel rates for the area. Many people saying "no" live 15 minutes away. Others own boats and expensive cars (meaning its not a money issue) Many told me over and over that they wouldn't miss the wedding for anything.
I'm just devastated. I feel the beautiful venue I spent years saving for will look empty. I'm afraid people will be bored. I'm heartbroken that family members that I considered so close to me would miss this day for BS reasons. I understand that my wedding is not as important to everyone as it is to me, but I don't feel I'm asking for much. Just for them to come to my wedding just like they have to weddings of other family members.
Everyone keeps telling me that those people who want to will be there. I understand that...but why don't the other people want to be there? In my family/friends, weddings are a big blowout party and that's what I've worked so hard towards. I just feel like I'm bracing myself for a total FAIL of a wedding.
/end whining
:( That is annoying that not a lot of people can attend. Especially if you feel like they didn't care enough to make plans. Your wedding will not be a FAIL! You are still marrying the man you love, and it sounds beautiful. I bet those guests that aren't going to make it will be bummed after seeing the pics and hearing about it from those who did attend.
Maybe because you and your FI are too much awesome for them, that they are blown away by it!!!
No but seriously i have no idea why and it totally sucks and I would be COMPLETELY irritated and pissy about why people wouldn't want to come to my kick ass party. Not even just people--FAMILY. CLOSE family. Who live a few blocks away.
Your wedding won't be a failure; it'll still be fantastic.
Your day will still be beautiful and make the most of it with the people that are in attendance. I know its hurtful for others not to consider your day as you would. Smile and keep it moving because you still have 120 people that will be cheering you on as you come down that isle!
I'm so sorry. I *sorta* know what you're going through, even though my wedding is on the "smaller" side. We've had a long engagement as well and have told EVERYONE about the date as soon as we set it (well over a year ago) and as far as I know both my SISTERS aren't coming. I understand that the economy isn't awesome, but they've know about this for SOOOO long now.
Anyway, sorry to over take your vent with my own. (((hugs))) I'm sure it'll still be beautiful. Try not to focus on the people that aren't there and focus on the ones that ARE.
I'm having a similar situation. We got 50% acceptance rate. Lots of family aren't coming - some too far away, too expensive etc. We're totally being screwd by our hotel block - we'll probably end up owning money! Just try to be happy with who's there!
It does hurt when people you thought would be there for you back out - we had a few of those as well and it sucks (even more than I thought it would). But 120 is still a pretty big crowd and it will still be beautiful. You worked hard for this, so don't let those other people bring down your day!
Try not to stress (although I completely understand what you're feeling - a part of me is sad everytime we get a "No" RSVP (even though we need some to make numbers) - I can't imagine if they were from family and people I felt really close to)! Your wedding will still be beautiful, you'll still have a great time with those in attendance, and at the end of the day, you'll be married to the love of your life!
Just to try to post something a little different to "try to be happy about it", I would say that if you have a close relationship with your parents send them out to talk to some of your relatives. I have my mom doing a lot of my dirty work for this wedding--"no you can wear white!" "don't bring your kids" "she needs money not a vacum cleaner" etc. Just a thought.
Awwwww ((hugs)). Seriously, your wedding will not be a FAIL-- the only way that will happen is if you continue to let it get to you.
It sucks that people are giving you lame excuses (I got some of those too, and it totally annoyed me), but 120 people is a great sized wedding! It will definitely be a big party! Just remember that YOU need to have fun, because your guests will reciprocate your attitude/behavior that night. Don't be down... you're getting married in 10 days!!! YAY! :)
Ah, i can understand how you're feeling. I had some pretty close people back out really close to the wedding (my brother the day before! surprise!) and I felt crushed. However! So much went into it, you've dotted your i's, crossed your t's - you can relax on your wedding day and enjoy it and i'll tell you, with all of the stuff going on and the people that ARE there, you will not think about those who are not. And when they see your awesome pictures you can rub it in their faces! haha
I'm so sorry, it does suck that people are going to miss a great party. We had 120 people and I thought it was the perfect amount. Got to talk to everyone and a lot of people mingled and met each other, it turned out really nice. But you know what, my hub and I closed out the dance floor together and had a great time even when almost everyone had left. I was dissapointed in a few friends that left earlier than I would have liked but honestly, you're 10 days out, you're at the point where you just have to have a small pity party (no wedding day pity parties though) and then say whatever, we're still going to have the best freaking time and make all those who said 'no' wish they would have come. Their loss and not much you can do about it at this time except not let them drag you down.
Hugs to you. Your wedding will be awesome!
I've decided part of the reason weddings are so stressful is because we have expectations for everyone. We expect our friends to act like friends (and be there for us). We expect our family to come to the wedding (just like we've done for every random cousin over the years). And sometimes people dissapoint us. They prioritize other things ahead of coming to our wedding and it hurts. And our only option is to suck it up and move on.
Don't focus on what isn't going the way you want. Focus on what is going well. You have a fantastic FI and a beautiful dress. And wonderful parents and a beautiful venue. Focus on these things and feel blessed you are getting married.
That stinks. We invited 183 and I think we might have had 102, counting us. We lost several people last minute due to swine flu or something else going around. My brother-in-law, MOH's husband, almost didn't make and in fact missed the rehersal dinner. I think it being Halloween screwed us over. Do you have friends who could come last minute that you had to cut originally for family obligations, that wouldn't mind be informed that hey I have space at my wedding now for friends, now that some many family guests that I was obligated to invite aren't going to show.
The same thing is happening to me. I think we invited 240ish. The RSVPs were due yesterday, I have about 50 missing and so far, we only have 85 people coming. My co-worker actually "complained" to me that he can't commit to my wedding, which is almost a month away and that he might be on vacation. wtf? We sent out save the dates to everyone and so they had more than enough time to plan. People can be so rude. But, I'm sure all I'll be thinking about is my new and shiny husband on the day of our wedding. :) I hope you cheer up.
As others said, try to focus on those who are coming (although I know it is upsetting you that close people to you won't be coming). It's almost here and it'll be fantastic! Just enjoy the day! :) Don't say you hate your wedding. Think of all the hard work you've put into it and now it's almost here! This is exciting! You are marrying the guy of your dreams...THAT is awesome. :)
I second the "get your parents/mom/siblings" to talk to people and be like "seriously? why aren't you coming?!" You never know, people's plans may have changed since they sent in the RSVP and are thinking "Oh...now we can't go because we already said we wouldn't..." You might be surprised by how many people would still attend if they knew they were able to!
Awww...it's hard not to take it all personally,but as everyone has pointed out already,it will be wonderful! In your heart of hearts you know all the things that will really matter that day,and while its disappointing that things aren't exactly as you planned, it will still be one of the happiest days of your life.
I PROMISE you you really won't notice who isn't there as you glide down that aisle. Wishing you a happy,fun filled day!
Thanks all :o)
To those who told me to have my mom follow up with people, we have done that. That's how we discovered some of these ridiculous excuses. Like you've known about my wedding since January and you've chosen this weekend to camp? Or you need to help your friend at the Saturday night drag races? Or my aunt/cousins who told my parents to write them in as definites and then I got declines from every single one? Or FI's dad's brothers who just can't seem to be bothered? Seriously, some of my family is no longer speaking to each over this.
I know I'm being kind of a 'zilla whining that this isn't my dream wedding wahhhhh, but honestly a big party was the ONLY thing I wanted. I didn't really care about the location/decor/cake/whatever but I was set on the big wedding. It just feels like I've worked so hard for "nothing" although I know that's not the case.
Oh, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, hotchild! It's definitely disappointing, for sure! Although, personally, I think 120 sounds like a perfect size for a wedding, there will still be a large crowd out on the dance floor and it will still be a kick-ass party! If we weren't date twins, heck, I'd love to come to your wedding! (also, random side-note...Are the drag races at the Lebanon Valley Speedway?? Bc I live about 1 mile away from there and could always go initiate a beat-down, haha!)
Anyways, I know it's so hard and so disappointing but I promise, your wedding is still going to be AMAZING. You've put so much work and time and effort and it will show on the day of the wedding, for sure!
@trailmix: YES! They are at LV! So you understand how ridiculous it sounds that someone would skip a wedding planned way in advance to "help" there. We're not talking Nascar ;o) LoL
And, thanks for the encouragement :o)
That stinks. There are definitely several people who won't be attending my wedding that I really wanted to be there. June 12th is graduation time for a lot of people, plus vacations and family reunions. Then there is one couple who can't afford to come. Plus, two groomsmen have dropped out within 3 weeks of the date. My bridezilla moment came right then.
Anyway, as all the other posters have said, I'm sure your wedding will be beautiful, even if the people who don't come have skewed priorities.
Hotchild,
If it makes you feel better, I'd be there in a hot second (as I'm sure the rest of the Bee world would!). I'm sure based on everything I've followed about your wedding that it's going to kick serious butt! Your guests are so lucky to be going to your wedding and the others who aren't coming are missing the mark!
that's really frustrating that people you were counting on (and who even said that they are definites) have found less-than-great reasons to decline. you're not being a 'zilla--at this close to the wedding, it's hard to deal with this kind of stress and disappointment.
but i wholeheartedly agree with the others that you are going to be so happy that there will be 120 guests as it will give you more of a chance to see/talk to your family and friends, and that your wedding is going to be fabulous no matter what!
awww @hotchild!!! don't be sad!!! i KNOW it will be an AMAZING wedding... and POO on those ppl who don't show up!!
keep your head up grlie, can't wait to see pics!!!
wallow in your pity today, cuz every bride deserves that!!, but don't forget that this day is for you and your FI :) and that all of the petty stuff about those who can't come celebrate with you won't even matter!!! :)
120 ppl isn't small either!!
I wish I could come, it sounds like a great time! We had just under 100 and it was plenty! Any more people and we couldn't have spent the time we wanted with people and danced enough. Your wedding will be awesome, and you better come back as a newlywed bee!
The situation is crappy and you totally have the right to be upset...but I still think your wedding will be wonderful. You planned the whole wedding the way you wanted it to be, and the only difference is that there won't be as many people there as you'd originally hoped. Phooey on them...it's their loss :) I think everyone has disappointments leading up to the wedding, including me...and I'm just trying to put that in the back of my mind and focus on the positives and the excitement...hopefully you can too :)
I so feel for you hotchild. It's so unfortunate, but you can't control who is going to come to the wedding. Forget them! AND you can only control how good of a time YOU have. They're going to miss one kick*ss party and it's their own fault. Let the jerkfaces go camping or to a drag race! You're getting MARRIED! And fun people are still going, right? It will be awesome...just wait!
That is crummy. If you can, try to focus on the 120 people who are arranging their schedules to be a part of your big day. I think 120 is a great crowd for a wedding--not too many, not too few. Just right :)
I completely understand what you're going through, although even though we have a decent number of people coming... only 12 of them are my family. I had grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc RSVP no with no real reasoning behind it. And it does bother me... especially since one aunt is my only living relative (besides my mom) on my mom's side of the family.
It's hard to put out of your mind, but remember that those that are there with you on the day of the wedding love you and care for you, and you will have a blast - no matter how many people show up!
Just take a deep breath and don't stress about it. There's nothing you can do about people not coming now. Just think thought, you'll be able to spend more time visiting with each guest - and truely those people have made your wedding a priority.
Maybe you can adjust your seating charts and put less people per table so you can have more tables and your venue won't seem too big.
I think so long as you are having fun, people around you are going to have fun. If you seem disappointed and kind of down people will notice - so chin up. You're going to have a beautiful wedding.
Awwww, what a big bummer. I agree, it sounds really disappointing. I think that, at some point, every bride has to deal with the fact that some people are really weird/disappointing/inappropriate regarding weddings. As my (recently married) best friend perfectly put it, "I thought everyone I knew was normal. And then I got engaged."
Don't be down, hotchild. Your wedding will be amazing and it will be their loss for not attending.
I feel your anger and frustration. If you're about 10 days out, your date is probably the same as ours. We picked our date kind of randomly, but it turns out be one of the *most* popular dates for weddings and vacations (a ton of schools get out the Friday before, including several people coming to the wedding). We've had a lot of people be unable to make it b/c of other weddings, high school graduations, you name it.
I've taken some of the regrets pretty hard, especially from close friends who just couldn't find flights. I am also prepping myself for some no-shows.
It has helped me to go over the guest list and look at who *is* coming (like my childhood best friend from California I haven't seen in close to a decade!) and remember that more than half of the people you invited will be there.
Can you divert any of the money to honeymoon expenses? As you savor a delicious meal, a scuba excursion, or some other treat, you can quietly thank whoever for *not* coming :)
*Hugs*
@snow - i like that suggestion! you really can use the money you save for something else. For us, we ended up being totally in the clear to add more food choices, and a full open bar for the entire night, and we hired the band and DJ to play an extra hour and a half! I would have liked the guests to be there obviously, but boy did we have fun with spending more (within budget!).
Yeah, this sucks. Sounds like we are EXACTLY in the same boat! I have family members that live a half hour a way, a cousin & his wife, that just RSVP'ed "no". No call, no reason, no nothing, just a "no". I have an acquaintance (her FI & my FI are good friends). They were going to get married the weekend after us, they are now getting married two weeks after us. She has known our date since they got engaged last summer, because we talked about making sure they weren't the same weekend. Now they can't come because she has a shower that night. Who plans a shower for a Saturday night & knowing that our wedding was that day, what friend would be okay with it being the same day....Shady if you ask me.
We have 118 scheduled to be there (also expected the 150-160 range). We have about 15 invites unaccounted for, but the odds are that they are all no's.
I am paranoid that no one will want to dance. I am paranoid that the party will be lame. I'm worried that these people will walk into a cavernous room & it will look empty! I'm actually glad we got chair covers so that it makes the room look busier!
Hotchildinthecity - you vent as much as you want, I totally understand. We are 17 days from our wedding, too late for a "b" list, but at this point we are calling people that couldn't come because of their kids and telling them, come to the reception, bring your kids, its okay...
I'm so sorry you are going thru this, and there is no really good way to explain what you are "feeling", but I understand it well. I just like to think that I will get over it quickly and move on to the next thing I'm paranoid about :)
Best of luck kiddo!
This happened at my best friends' wedding; the groom's side had FOUR family members come, so instead of 200 peeps they had 130. At first they were bummed out, but then they upgraded the bar. And added some time to their honeymoon. And the wedding was perfect.
Awww, Hotchild I'm sorry you feel this way! I know you mentioned it on my other post where I was complaining that if people weren't actually asked to be in the bridal party, they might not come!!
But I agree that 120 is a perfect size for a wedding! Yes, it's smaller than 150 or 160, but a lot more manageable! The plus side is you will be able to talk to everyone and it will still be a big crowd on the dance floor all night! Weddings of your size are so much more personal and intimate, guests tend to relax and not clique up as much and make an effort to get to know one another.
As far as the space looking 'empty', first of all I'm sure it won't, but is there anything your venue can do as far as like putting a piano in there or something? I just ask b/c that's what we are doing! We are moving the piano and bar into the ballroom so it takes up some space! We are also keeping the kids in there (which we might regret) just so there's an extra table!
And if we weren't date twins I would totally come to your wedding too!! :) And dance all night!!
Hey, not sure I can be much help here but I will try. I was just married May 23.
We had originally invited about 80ish people, so a pretty small wedding. Only about 60 showed. We had no idea that people were just going to bail out without even telling us. We had very close family members say they could not make it, not sure the reason why seeing as they were offered a place to stay for free. So that was hurtful I thought. We had people say they were going to come a week before the wedding, and never show up. We had one of DH's cousins say they would "see what they could do" in terms of making it to our wedding.
But, there is always a flipside. Although we didnt have some people show up, other people did that we TOTALLY thought from the beginning would not. One in particular was beyond generous and gave us $500 for our wedding gift. So after this we really realized, those that didnt show up obviously dont care, family or not. Those that DID show up and showed us such great generosity, those are the ones who matter and that you want to share your big day with.
Also, I was freaking out about small stuff 2 days before my wedding. We had an outdoor reception at DH's parents house, beautiful back yard and trees. They decided it 'might' rain to they stuck up this blue tarp, the kind you take camping. I was flipping out like you would not believe, and for the first half of the reception I was nudging DH being like, can you take this damn thing down! answer was no, people were already eating. lol. I had purchased all sorts of paper lanterns with the intention of putting them on the trees outside so that at night it would look pretty. Do you think they were ever hung?? nope.
Truth is, after everything is all said and done, you dont care about what went wrong. just have a good time, enjoy yourselves!
Try to relax if you can! Just think, in 11 days you'll wake up to the man of your dreams as your Mr. :)
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Gemstone | 22 |
| Beckster329 | 22 |
| Rivendeler | 17 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 16 |
| Rojocameo | 16 |
| Mrs.KMM | 15 |
| KCKnd2 | 15 |
| beargoose | 13 |
| kat2014 | 13 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 13 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MrsMagnus | 3 |
| NotAnotherAnonBee | 3 |
| smyley | 2 |
| bookworm88 | 2 |
 vorpalette |
2 |
| strawbs | 2 |
| BayStateBride | 1 |
| deetroitwhat | 1 |
| Sasha2011 | 1 |
| sara_tiara | 1 |
