- 4 years ago
My fiancé and I got engaged last September; it will be his second marriage and my first. I have never wanted a wedding and the status of my life at the moment has just re-enforced the decision.
I’m from North Carolina and he is from Louisiana, we both now live in Houston Texas (early 30s, no kids). I have lived in 4 different states in the last 6 years; however 90% of my family is still back in NC. All of his family is in Louisiana or MS.
My personal reasons for not wanting a wedding;
I’m not super close with my family, he isn’t either
It’s his second wedding, weird knowing he has gone thru all this with someone else.
I’ve moved so much all of my girlfriends who would be bridesmaids are scattered. Most would not be able to attend because of lack of money or refuse to fly.
His Louisiana family refuses to travel and will not even think about a plane ride. The drive from LA to NC is about 18hrs. Which means, if I had a wedding it would have to be within driving distance of them, not happening… If I had a wedding it would be in the NC, my home…He had the big fancy wedding the first time around, this is my day (or how I see it).
No matter where I had it, it would be a destination wedding for more than 50% of the people involved. Planning a wedding from a distance, does not sound like fun.
Even if for some reason they were able to make it to the NC, I would be giving myself ulcers thinking about how they would act. The groom’s father is a fall down drunk, who can’t handle his booze and cannot function in a formal setting. He would show up in jeans with a 5<sup>th</sup> of vodka…its extremely embarrassing and has been on several other occasions. He told my mother I had to change the engagement party date because it interfered with his hunting season. You get my point…Being from a beach town in NC, we are a little more excepting than people in the deep south. My friends from college and NC are from a variety of backgrounds, which would not go over well with the extremely open racist LA/MS group. I’ve had nightmares of getting all these people in a room together.
Thanks for letting me vent.
And for once money is not a factor; if I had a big wedding it would be fully paid for by my family. If I don’t have a wedding I get a down payment for a house…win win
So this is what we decided to do:
My fiancé and I are doing a combined 2 week wedding ceremony/ honeymoon thing to Antarctica late Dec. of this year….we are 100% paying for it.
However, since no one is invited, we are planning a combined bachelor/bachelorette party in Vegas Labor Day weekend with 30 of our friends, no “adult” family…(my sisters and his sister are invited).
I don’t know why people think they can’t have a bachelor or bachelorette party just because they are eloping. Always sounded silly to me.
There is no bridal shower and no gifts to be exchanged
No we are not eloping in Vegas, my family would be pissed. The whole reason we picked a destination like Antarctica (other than being awesome), is because we knew absolutely no one could make it. Piss off everyone equally.
My family is a little more traditional and wanted to have a reception once we got back…but since we return in mid-Jan. and have already taken a large chunk of our vacation time for the trip, the next available time would be around Easter for a reception. For me it’s just too long from the wedding date and would require flying up to NC for only the weekend. I’m sure people would like to do other things during Easter, than celebrate an elopement.
Our solution: We are having 2 elopement parties, one for each of the families.
Saturday Nov. 1<sup>st</sup> week is a BBQ in Louisiana, it had to be this weekend because LSU is on a bye –week. You have no idea how pissed off I am that things have to be arranged around football season, when not one damn person in that family went to LSU or college for that matter (his family’s requirement, not his, he graduated from UL). ….sorry side rant.
My immediate family is invited and attending the LA party; mom, dad and step mom
The Saturday after Thanksgiving we are having a party in the NC for my family. We will be in the NC for Thanksgiving anyways; we are having a small cocktail party to celebrate. His family was invited for Thanksgiving and the party, however they declined.
So it’s a bit weird planning all this stuff in advance and before the actual elopement, but when it all comes down to it, it’s about what him and I want. It also helps that we are paying for everything ourselves, not too much they can complain about.
However, I am in a bit of a tiff with my mom over the NC party, she thinks I should have a registry and not expose that I’m eloping, but just state that we are having a destination wedding. I personally think that we forfeit the right to receive gifts because we are eloping, but she says “since I’m taking away her ability to be at the wedding the least she could do is be involved in getting the new couple set up for their new life together”…aka giving me a gravy boat…its cute and I understand, but I find it tacky..idk
So that’s my story…I’ll update after the bachelor/bachelorette party in Vegas J