planned elopement… now everyone wants to come

posted 2 years ago in Elopement
Post # 2
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Sounds like a destination wedding and not an elopement.

We are eloping and nobody but us knows when or where.  We always considered the concept of eloping as running off and getting married … not having people tag along. 

If you want an elopement (as opposed to a destination wedding) then keep the date and location under wraps and run off and do it.  Don’t tell family. 

Post # 3
1716 posts
Bumble bee

Unfortunately, you kind of shot yourself in the foot by telling so many people what you were planning on doing. You’re no longer eloping if everyone knows. Secrecy and doing things quickly are what makes an elopement an elopement.  

The first thing you have to do is stop inviting people/letting them invite themselves. Make it clear that there won’t be anymore guests. 

If you love the idea of getting married, having a lunch, letting the family take care of the children, and going on your honeymoon, go ahead and do it. I doubt they would mind that much. You don’t have to do anything fancy. If you wanted to skip the champagne and cupcake package and just do the gift bag thing, that would be fine; that sounds like a good middle-ground option to me. 

Post # 4
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

It sounds like you’re planning a smallish, semi-intimate DW instead of really an “elopement.” I eloped to SFCH, didn’t tell anyone until the day-of (and only then our witness, aka my MOH). Stop telling people your plans! Then they won’t be able to crash the event 🙂

Post # 5
6667 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

With my first marriage, we lived in CA and eloped.   We called everyone the night before and told them we were in Las Vegas and if they were free they were welcome to come see us get married the next day. Both sets of parents came and 3 out if 4 siblings came. Worked out great.

Edited to add- obviously when I said it worked out great, I meant the elopement- not the marriage! But we were married for 10 years- eloping had nothing to do with our divorce.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  eeniebeans.
Post # 6
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

devonlee:  SF City Hall *technically* has a limit of 6 guests, so you could just tell everyone you can’t have them come, so sorry, because of SFCH limits. Problem solved!


Alternately, you tell them that’s really sweet they want to come, and they’re totally welcome to watch the ceremony and then enjoy their own vacation in SF, but your plan all along (which you absolutely can’t change since you already booked your plane/car/whatever, right? 😉 ) has been to go to lunch and then jet off to a honeymoon, so you’re really sorry it won’t be a normal wedding and you’ll completely understand if they can’t make it all the way just to watch the ceremony and nothing else… 😉 

Post # 7
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

Have them pay for their own meal at a restaurant.  Sounds like they aren’t concerned about how much they spend.  Not the best concept but it could be worse… no food at all.  

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