- 4 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
My fiancé is in the military and leaving for a ten-week school in April, after which we’ll move to a new post and he’ll start a new job with a crazy schedule, so not only did we want to get married first for logistical reasons (me being on his orders, receiving dependent BAH as we arrange new housing, me having insurance as I search for a job in our new town) but if we waited we wouldn’t even be able to set a date until after we found out his new schedule in mid July- by which time all the venues in my hometown will likely be booked through the following July. We had no interest whatsoever in waiting 18 months to get married.
So our original plan was to go to the courthouse by ourselves now, and have a party for everyone with a more traditional ceremony at a point TBD. This is very common in the military and I thought it would be okay…
Buuut it went over poorly with the parents. Not that they minded us having the big party later, but his mom and my parents were determined to be at the actual wedding come hell or high water, and where his mom goes his sister and nephew go, and where my parents go my grandma goes, and if they’re all going to be there my brother and his best friend had better be too, and when my two closest girlfriends heard they independently announced they were flying in from Germany, and my uncle offered to officiate and is bringing my aunt, now we’re at twelve guests.
And it’s actually coming together wonderfully, I found a big historic inn to rent nearby that is super affordable and can sleep everyone, and a couple dresses I like, anod even a photographer (definitely want pics with all these people I love in one spot!). And I’m very excited about it; I have social anxiety and have always dreaded the idea of walking down an aisle in front of a hundred people, and I think it’s going to be relaxed and fun and meaningful this way, and I’m so happy at the number of our friends and family that have stepped up to make this happen in such a short time.
BUT it’s pretty clearly no longer an elopement and yet there are a lot of people, including close family (he has soooo many half siblings and a dad and stepmother and niece and a lot of aunts and uncles and cousins, as do I) and close friends (if I was having a big wedding there would probably be 9 bridesmaids because I am blessed with amazing, old, wonderful friends). I don’t regret that we’re not having a big wedding, and I think the elaboration of this event will sap our interest in having a do-over ceremony in the future. And I can’t see us inviting people from all over the country and world to fly in *just* for a reception down the road, so I think it’s pretty likely this is it, as our weddpeg celebrations go.
So how do I go about managing the probable hurt feelings and expectations of people who aren’t invited? There are so many people I wold love to have there but there just isn’t room or time to arrange it. But I also don’t want to have to hide the fact that this is going to be our “real” and very very likely only wedding. If you had an intimate wedding, or an elopement, how did you approach it with the people who would reasonably have expected to be invited to a “normal” wedding?