- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I would have the second reception. Money is an issue for most I'm sure, but it's also time- some of them probably have limited time they can get off work or are saving their vacation days for something else, or maybe they have a conflicting event, in which case you buying their ticket doesn't solve the problem. It's also not really fair to expect people to immediately save for your wedding across the country just because they got a save the date. That's a huge expense to take on, and a lower amount of guests is just part and parcel of having a destination wedding. Not everyone can make it, and you have to let that go.
I think your friends in NYC will be very happy if you have a second reception so they can celebrate with you and your friends who DO make it to the wedding will surely understand and will be happy they got to experience the ceremony as well as the in-town reception.
@ohheavenlyday: Yeah, I'm hoping people on the East Coast realize this decision was made after the RSVPs came in because we had no idea so many people weren't coming. And some people have explicitly said they want to come and can't afford it, which where we got the "let's help!" idea. So far the only ones we are actually helping are my aunt and cousin, who actually live in CA not NY.
The real thing that bugs me is that we had several friends who either told us months ago they were coming and now for whatever reason, they're not. It just really bugs me. And I'm talking about CLOSE friends and family, not just people from work.
But thanks for your input. I really appreciate it!
I don't think it's a problem to have a second recption if you really want it.
But I think it's time to take a deep breath and realize that some can't save to come to a wedding, or use up their extra vacation time to fly cross-country. I have many many friends who only get two weeks for vacation, and really count each day and need them. Basically -- don't take it personally, you know?
I was in this situation kinda. We had so many no's that I thought would be yesses. I was bummed but a lot of people were from out of town.
I'd say - suck it up. I mean it's a totally bummer than your NYC friends can't come but they've probably rsvp'd no since they can't afford it - and thus aren't expecting to travel to/buy clothes/buy gifts for a second party that you throw yourselves. Just b/c they've rsvp'd no don't assume they'll automatically come to a local party. It's just not that simple.
The economy is just not that great lately its hard for people to afford to fly to a wedding even if they have advance notice. A 2nd reception would be nice for those who rsvpd No but I see how the East coast guests who already RSVPd to come fly to the wedding might feel blind sighted
@blu77: I don't take it personally, I'm just trying to find a way to include everyone in celebrating.
@Rgeddy: What difference does it make whose doing the hosting or throwing? Many weddings are paid for by the bride and groom... And if they don't want to come to the 2nd reception, then they can RSVP no to that one too.
@bells: There are probably only 3 people we'd be inviting to the 2nd reception who would be coming to the wedding. And like I said, we didn't know so many people couldn't make it, otherwise I would have done this earlier.
@MissKatelyn: I just think that if you're specifically throwing a party for friends in NYC that couldn't make it it'd be foolish to automatically assume all 40 could attend a local party. Obvi I'd speak with them and see if they'd be up for that. What about something like std's by email/text/phone etc to gague the reaction. I wouldn't want for you to waste your money if 50% of the people had other plans that weekend. Esp when you could use that money on the real reception! extra drinks, a photobooth, more flowers, bigger honeymoon etc!
@Rgeddy: Um, where did I say that I was expecting all 40 people would be able to come? I only said that 5 out of approximately 40 people were coming to Oregon, which means there are a lot of local friends (specifically in NYC and DC) who can't make it. Of course I would send out STDs and invites, and make sure it would work for people. I'm sure there would be some people who can't make it, but what about the people who can?
That's also why I was thinking that it might also make sense just to help pay for people who DO want to come to Oregon, but have specifically said they can't come because of money, come to Oregon.
The reception pretty much has everything that I want. And I'd rather have more people then more stuff. I'm not into stuff, I'm into people.
These are all helpful tips for how to plan a 2nd reception, but right now I'm just trying to gauge my two options: throw a second reception or pay for some people to come.
@MissKatelyn: I feel like your responses seem like you are upset. I didn't mean to imply anything, but I was responding to this:
"Total suckage. I have literally cried buckets because I feel like no one actually considered the Save the Date and started, you know, SAVING to come."
I know you are upset. I'm not saying you shouldn't care. I'm just presenting reasons why people may not come that have nothing to do with you. Sorry if I upset you.
@MissKatelyn: well then if you feel comfortable choosing some people to fly out then you should do that. What about searching flight deals - I know not as good as hotel blocks but I think can be done.
@blu77: I'm just upset at the overall situation. I totally get that people have legit reasons for not coming. A few people don't have the time off, one has a small baby who doesn't feel comfortable traveling (although I tried to give her some options to make things easier), a couple people are doctors in residency. So I get that's why people aren't coming.
But the people who said "Oh, I really really want to come but it's so expensive!" then I'm like "If you really really wanted to come, why on earth didn't you put some money away for it?" Obviously I haven't said this to anyone because it's rude, but I'm just surprised. If I really wanted to go to a wedding when I got the STD, we'd make sure to save money for it! Either that, or people need to not say anything because say "Oh it's so expensive" doesn't make me feel any better.
@MissKatelyn: I understand what you are saying. I hope you can find a good solution :)
I see where you're coming from with the 2nd reception idea, but I'm not sure I'd do it if I was in your situation. Here's the issue: what if most of these 40 NYC/DC guests can't make it to the local party either?
Since you're planning this more or less last minute (rather than sending STDs six months out), a bunch of your guests might have plans for the date you choose. Or they might RSVP "No" for other reasons. Since this is technically not the wedding itself, guests might treat it a little differently. For example, if a friend invited me to a wedding, I'd make every effort to be there; I'd probably choose the wedding over a weekend trip with DH or a family get-together. However, if the invite was for a 2nd reception, I'd probably choose the trip/family get together.
I would hate for you to go through the effort of planning a whole 2nd party just to have, say, 15-20 people RSVP yes. If a few of your local friends have said that they would definitely go if money wasn't an issue, maybe it would make sense to fly them out to the wedding instead.
@GirlWithARing: I see what you're saying. I'm planning on having this in August, and we would probably pick a date and send STDs within the next couple of weeks. And the reception would be more like a dinner party than an actual 2nd reception, with flowers and a DJ and such. I don't know if that makes a difference, but that's what I was thinking.
Honestly I'd probably leave it alone and neither fly people in or have a 2nd reception.
They said no, I'd leave it at that.
We've decided not to have a 2nd reception, mainly for the very reasons mentioned above. Although, to be fair, we were mostly thinking just having a dinner party, not a real reception with a DJ and dancing.
We've decided to offer assistance to a very select few of our guests, those whom we are absolutely closest to and whom we feel it would just not be the same without them. This isn't about getting gifts or whatever. We can't afford to help everyone anyway! So far we're helping my aunt and my cousin. I've offered to two other very good friends. We're only offering to the handful of people who told us they would come if they could afford it (which is exactly what my friend in Baltimore said - she said she really wanted to come, but the flight from Baltimore to Portland was just too expensive).
We're also only offering to help - we're not going to pay for their entire trip.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Gemstone | 22 |
| Beckster329 | 22 |
| Rivendeler | 17 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 16 |
| Rojocameo | 16 |
| Mrs.KMM | 15 |
| KCKnd2 | 15 |
| beargoose | 13 |
| kat2014 | 13 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 13 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| candykiss | 1 |
| Mrs.Lonestar | 1 |
| julis120 | 1 |
| alphagam84 | 1 |
| MadameTussaud | 1 |
 Jamie42003 |
1 |
| VanillaNut | 1 |
| country chic | 1 |
| kimm99 | 1 |
| Beckster329 | 1 |
Sooooo here's my deal. My FI and I live in NYC, but we are both from out of state (OR and MN). We decided to get married in OR because it's waaay cheaper than getting married in NYC, and it would mean that most of our family could afford to come. We assumed that we'd get most of our East Coast friends to come to the wedding, and everything would be fine and dandy.
Not so. Nearly ALL of the East Coast people we've invited have said no. Only 5 people out of the 40 or so people we know here said they were coming, which is a total drag. Plus, we have had a bunch of No's from the other OOT guests around the country. Total suckage. I have literally cried buckets because I feel like no one actually considered the Save the Date and started, you know, SAVING to come.
We thought about using some of our wedding budget to actually fly in a few friends who we really want to be there, but now we're starting to think that it might be better to use leftover budget money to throw a 2nd reception in NYC.
My question is, for the few people who are coming from the East Coast, are they going to get mad at us for suddenly deciding to throw a 2nd reception? Was I supposed to send out the 2nd reception invites at the same time as the original? Do I invite everyone on the East Coast or just the people who couldn't make it to the reception? We honestly didn't realize that so many people were not going to come and it kills me.
But at the same time, would having a 2nd reception really be that big of a deal? Should I concentrate on using what we have in our budget to fly in people to come to the Main Event in Oregon? Thoughts?