- 5 years ago
Hi everyone, I’m sorry my first post is such a downer! This might be long.
I am 23 and engaged to my “FI” whom I have been with for about 6 years. We have been in an LDR since the very beginning. We met while I was on a school trip to France. As crazy as it sounds, we kept up a relationship as penpals once I returned to the US and eventually it developed into more. We began flying back and forth to see each other about 3-4 times per year and 6 years later we’re engaged!
I feel sad for many reasons. The first of which is, I feel that we can’t truly enjoy this engagement period. He’s still in France of course so I’m planning nearly everything by myself (the wedding will be in the US). He can’t come to any wedding appointments, listen to DJs, taste food, see venues. I send pictures and video but it’s just not the same. We can’t have an engagement party or do anything normal couples do (which is nothing new, our entire relationship has been sacrifices but it feels especially sad now). I just wish I had my FI here to do all this with 🙁
The second reason is FI’s family – all in France. When we first got engaged, they were all so excited about coming to the US for the wedding and having a big vacation. We heard a lot of “We’ll definitely be there!!” In the 6 months since, FI’s sister and four cousins have gotten engaged and are now all busy planning their own weddings. They’ve basically told us to no longer count on them coming to the US.
I understand this of course, it’s very expensive and a long trip. But FI is taking it so hard. He’s so upset. I get why – it’s one of the biggest days in his life and nobody from his family will be there. Worse, they’re making it sound like they won’t even try now, even though it’s not until 2014. FI is a very very sensitive, emotional guy, and he was bullied a lot growing up which has led to some sort of complex. Lately because of this, he’s been all “The world hates me” “My own family doesn’t care enough about me to come” and “Why don’t I matter to anyone? Why don’t I matter to them?” etc. I’ve tried using logic but it’s no use – he’s so sad and down and now he’s not enjoying the planning either.
Third, I’m afraid we’ll have to give up our venue now. We’ve put down about $5,000 already. Our minimum requirement for our night is 160 people, and we were initially comfortable with that number because we assumed many of FI’s family would be there. Now they’re dropping out like flies and it looks like we’ll be way under. I don’t want to pay for dinners of those who won’t be there, and I also don’t want to invite people I don’t care about just to fill space. I have no idea what to do. Should we cancel the venue and start over from scratch, and risk losing our $5,000? I don’t even have time in my schedule to see new venues because I work *3* jobs, 7 days per week and have literally no spare time.
Finally, I’m planning on moving to France after the wedding and I’m scared to death. I’m so close to my friends and family and I just don’t know that I can do it. FI’s career is well off the ground and mine isn’t, so it makes more sense for me to move, but I’m terrified. And sad. I can’t bear the thought of being so far away. I love him so much and he treats me wonderfully but I’m afraid I’m making a mistake going over there. I think I’ll be lonely.
Because of all this, I can’t enjoy being engaged. I feel like a cloud’s hanging over everything and I’m just so sad and stressed all the time 🙁
Thank you for listening.