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Welcome to the boards!
I think it's totally fine to begin planning without a ring, as long as you're both on board! I know there are plenty of bees around here who are planning their weddings and haven't gotten an official proposal yet!
Its a great idea so you get a sense of what you want but like Amanda said as long as your both on board dont rush him to propose.... Happy planning : )
Oh hello my situation exactly! :) We have set our date, my main suggestion is to make sure he is included, when we booked our venue he came with me. At first I was really aprehensive about it because I thought without a "typical" proposal that it wasn't official. When I talked to him about it he said that him setting a date with me was him making that commitment to me. I felt so much more at ease after that and we have now booked the ceremony, reception, florist and photographer! :) I know some people may think it's not "normal" but I have a happy and healthy relationship WITHOUT insane amounts of debt, so in my opinion, we win! :)
I'm in the same boat.. Check the "waiting" board for kindred spirits :)
I've booked a venue for October and am not engaged yet.
Thanks Bees! I am feeling so much better. My guy definitely wants to be involved. He has been putting fire under my heels. He said to me this past weekend, "I just want everything to feel real." I can't wait for everything to feel real too!
definately planning is okay - so many bees on here do, and i know i am included in that!
if you have a date set out, i would say go ahead and put deposits down. you don't want to miss out of what you love because you were too late...
I was going to say... ask him! I asked my fiance by explaining how quickly things like venue and photographer get snatched up, and asked him if it would be ok with him to book just those couple of things while we can, even though we weren't engaged yet. He said ok! Then I told him to be prepared to either put down the down payment ourselves or prove to at least my father that he was in the process of getting the ring. This not only showed me he was serious, but it showed my parents as well. That way, we all felt ok with going forward without the ring.
Have fun!!!
I am in the same boat.. We are thinking memorial weekend next year.. I have my dress already and I am looking at venues. He hasnt popped the question yet though.. Youre not alone!
I did it!
We booked the venue and the photographer before the "official proposal" and also had created a budget, contacted all other vendors, and created a guest list.
As long as you two are both involved in the planning I say go for it! You are basically engaged, as you have made the decision to get married, you are just waiting for a proposal.
Yes it is untraditional but every couple is different and you have to do what is best for you!
I believe your situation is very similar to KMSull, a regular poster on this board! She began planning before she was "officially" engaged, but she knew she and her now FI were going to get married. I'm sure she will pop in here to give you some words of encouragement!
Yep I'm in that boat too. Our biggest problem is the date since we are waiting for him to get a job in my city. We're basically trying to do as much as we can before the official engagement so that once he gets a new job, things can move really quickly. As long as he's on board, I say go for it!
Thanks for all of your encouragement. It means a lot. I felt like those around me wouldn't understand and would pass judgement. It's great to have an outlet. My man wants me to plan so, I will. Does this mean I am (un) officially a bride?! (lol)
OH! One more thing...where do I begin???
H-E-L-P! Yikes...
OMG Riley Jane, we are in the same boat! I am looking for a job in my guy's city. I've been looking for about 6 mos now. That's another layer of stress that may require another thread! 
I wish i knew about this place before i got engaged!I freaked out when i did, because i was soooo overwhelmed! Everyone here is soo helpful. You are doing a smart thing, starting to plan, look for ideas now! It is going to be perfect.
I'm right there with you! We have figured out just how much we need to save a month to have our budget wedding and not go into any debt. The FH and I talked and decided that the one thing that is off limits until the ring is the dress shopping! But don't worry, I do enough looking online that I have a pretty good idea.
Good luck and know that even if other people around you don't understand, there are plenty of other girls here who do!
My fiance and I started planning before it was official, too! Mostly a timeline issue - we knew when we wanted to get married, and if we didn't start booking, we would have missed out. I'm almost embarrased to admit that we had the venue, photographer, caterer, and dress before the "official" proposal. But, we also got the exact space/food/kickass photographer we wanted, so it worked out perfectly!! :)
I agree with others who said to go ahead and plan the wedding without the official e-ring. I wish I had done that. I've been with FI for 12 yrs and knew the proposal was coming soon. Yet, I didn't think about wedding planning. Somewhat of a mistake on my part because it's kind of stressful planning a wedding in less than 7 months. Start early and get the venue, photographer, etc. you want. Start thinking about wedding dress too. I wished I had more time to try on more dresses even though I absolutely love the one I bought.
@huneebee- yes you are an (un)official bride! My guy and I tease and say we are ungaged and that we took non-gagement pictures. He's been looking for jobs for over a year, so we've gotta keep a sense of humor some how!
The hive is an awesome place for waiting bees! It is nice to have people who understand. I haven't told many people in real life that we are planning, but one or two of the people I have told were not very understanding. Anyways, we're here for ya! Welcome again. :)
We did this too! We had our caterer and photographer and I'd already tried on dresses by the time he proposed. I think we were engaged before the proposal in that we decided to get married, and to me that made more sense for it to be a mutual, discussed decision. He proposed because it was fun, romantic, traditional, and an exciting way for me to get the best gift I've ever gotten - my engagement ring! I think this is how a lot of people do it these days, but for some reason "waiting" bees catch flack for it. Don't pay attention to it! Congratulations on your impending nuptials and have fun planning :) I found that official engagement was actually more fun because I had the planning out of the way and could focus on this exciting time!
Yup ... I'm part of that club! In all fairness, I did an internship at The Knot and have done a lot of freelance wedding writing over the past year, so I just blame it on my career ...
But BF and I have been saving for our Jamaican honeymoon for a while now! And we have an idea of where we want to get married, I know what colors I want, etc. I won't let myself do anything permanent, though, until I have the ring on my finger.
Good Morning Bees! Once again thanks for all of your encouragement and support. I had a good night's rest. Letting it all out here with you guys, apparently is therapy to my soul! To be honest, I feel quite liberated. Have a planner on standby and I think me and my cupcake will be shopping venues within the next 60-90 days. <deep breath> My cupcake has been telling me to get the ball rolling for some time and it's amazing how after a few posts from you guys, have made me do a complete 360! (lol) I guess it's true, women have major influence.
I am one excited (un)official bride!
@Riley Jane, my cupcake absolutely love the thought of being "ungaged" (lol). He got quite a chuckle off that one. <side eye> He better not love it too much! (lol)
Have a fabulous day bees!
I know this is going to be an unorthodox suggestion -- but perhaps you can get engaged without a ring? We both knew we wanted to get married to each other and while we do OK, there isn't a whole lot left over after bills, and well.. it took some convincing on my side to him, but I told him, I don't need a ring to feel engaged. I know it's different for a lot of women, but that's my .02 :)
But if I ever get something shiny to put on the finger later... I won't turn it down!
@rileyjane: We say "un-engaged" all the time too! When his Mom introduced me in chuch as his fiancee (gasp!) and everyone stared at my empty finger I had that panic moment of "Oh crap! What must they be thinking?!" Then when we got in the car we started cracking jokes about the stories we could tell as to why I don't have a ring on my left finger but have a beautiful diamond engagement ring on my right hand (again--gasp! it's my great-grandmothers ring and we decided since it's not really "me" or "my style" that we'd get something of my own, but it does raise some eyebrows!). We're totally at the point where you just have to laugh at it.
My SO actually corrected the priest when he set up the date for the church, haha!
Priest: Well we'll have your fiancee come in and we can all sit down and talk about when to start the pre-marital counseling. SO: No no, she's my girlfriend, I haven't asked her yet. Priest: long awkward silence. SO: Yeah, it's cool, we will be engaged by the wedding.
Glad you are starting the planning! Nothing wrong with being early and prepared! Have fun!
@ KansasPrincess11- Now that was funny, with your SO and the priest. I LOLed for real!
I am in the same boat! He and I aren't "officially engaged" by normal standards, but we are planning our wedding. We talked about this the other night and both agree that we are engaged, just without the ring. I don't call him my fiance to other people because most people wouldn't understand. We have set a date, booked our venue and honeymoon, and talked with our caterer and photographer (but haven't officially booked those yet). I have starting collecting things for decorating. I am a law student and we are getting married a couple of weeks after I will take the bar exam. It would be too stressful to wait to plan until after I got the ring with my final year of school and studying for the bar.
I know the proposal is coming this summer... he has something elaborate planned that he has told a few people and they almost cried. He still has a little bit of money to save up for it and that's why it hasn't happened yet.
Glad to see we aren't the only ones who are planning early. When I talk to most people about our plans they just get this weird look on their faces like... "but you aren't engaged yet..." haha.
@HeatherAnne11-Trust me we get those same looks on this board! The only differnce is we can't see them. I've learned to keep my mouth shut! No one's understanding is that of our own. I have been happily planning a wedding without being "officially engaged". Mr. Huneebee and I are pretty much set to go. All we have to do now is get engaged and announce our plans. I'm excited and you should be excited too! I am anticipating a summer engagement as well. Best wishes to you. Make sure you keep us posted on your great news!
why don't you guys get a fakie ring? that looks like the engagement ring you're going to get, he can continue saving for the real deal, and then whenever you have to wear a stand in later- you've already got it!
Or, a promise ring, they have some cute ones that have small diamonds..
Ha I have a fakie ring that I wore to a bridal show. I mean, we have the date set, he and I know that if we start planning now we can pay for everything over a longer period of time relieving a little bit of financial stress. I guess it's just weird because now days, it seems like you must have the ring to start planning, but in my parents day or even before, you decided to get married, you planned a wedding and a ring/proposal came somewhere in between. At least that's how my parents did it..
We started planning before we were engaged, but then moved the date forwards 4 months so its now summer not winter, and all the planning was useless (but really fun!!). I'd say go for it, it's only you about you 2 anyway!
I think it's fine to plan together as long as you're both aware of it! I agree with the other bees that you could also get a diamond simulant engagement ring, or wear a less expensive family ring (a great grandmother's ring perhaps) for the time being and use the extra cash that would've gone into a real diamond ring for the wedding expenses instead. Then he could 'surprise' you with a real ring on your fifth or tenth anniversary or something.
Hi all,
I know this is an older thread, but after reading the comments I felt I had to register to leave some of my own thoughts. I am also a future bride planning my wedding without a proposal. I know my guy has bought the ring, but has yet to pop the question. Because certain venues book quickly in Houston, I had to move fast to reserve my reception hall. When I updated my facebook status (which in retrospect wasn't the best idea) that my wedding was less than a year away, I was amazed how negative some people were concerning the fact I wasn't officially engaged. I was sadden by the whole situation. I usually don't let what people say bother me, but when people make disparaging remarks about something personal, it does affect me. I just wanted to let everyone know that reading all these supportive comments have made me feel a thousand times better. I'm glad to know I'm not the only bride in this situation, and that like many of the other posters, my guy and I are making the best decisions for ourselves, which is what a marriage should be about. =)
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Wacky or wacky? I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year. Been knowing him for at least 13 years. We've discussed marriage and have begun to make plans. One issue, I'm not "officially" engaged yet. We've worked very hard to stay out of debt, so, we both agreed not to accrue anymore debt before we get married. Which means financing anything is out of the question. Without the support of financing or using a credit card, he is saving for my engagement ring. He's even mentioned getting a second job. We are planning to get married in July of next year. After having a long talk about our future, my boyfriend felt that it was a good idea to get a head start on the planning. I pretty much have a "blueprint" of our wedding details. So, basically I am waiting on our engagement to execute my ideas and plans.
I believe he is a man of his word and is serious about our future together. Is it ok to book venues and put down deposits?