Post # 1
So it’s come to this. I had to schedule him for some time after work today to pin him down on a few things (trivial things such as the guest list and budget! )
I asked him earlier this week to set aside Friday after work so we could have an actual discussion instead of me trying to bring things up and him just kind of smiling and saying he’s working on it. I’m not aggravated (yet) but the other day I mentioned that I don’t really mind if he doesn’t decide on his guest list, it will just mean that he’ll be surrounded by my people when he gets married! Hopefully that will light a little fire under his bottom…but it’s doubtful!
So I have a mini-agenda for this evening and was wondering – how did you all get your groom to give you answers!? FI has opinions and is enthusiastic and excited but just not in decision making mode so I’m hoping this works…
Has anyone else had success getting their FI on board and, if not actively involved, at least responsive?
Post # 3
To be honest, the only thing he really helped me with was looking at venues. I literally did the planning on my own. Of course he was OOT. But also, didnt care that much, which might be the case with your man. As for guest list, I worked with a female family member of my husband’s. I might have asked him for an opinion or two, but that was it. Of course if you two need to work on a budget, he does need to get on board with that.
Honestly, after the bare essentials I would try not to bother him too much. It sounds like he’s just not into planning. He might be just as happy eloping. So if the whole shooting mtach is something you’re looking for, don’t force him to be as thrilled planning with you. Just get your mom, sisters, bff to help you.
Post # 4
My guy is the same. He’s interested in the wedding and the planning process but he is TERRIBLE at making decisions and will procrastinate forever. I think scheduling him is a good way to go. Earlier in the planning process I would let him know that on day x we were going to talk about these particular elements of the wedding. That way he could be prepared. It worked for us–I got what I needed from him and he got to participate in the planning. I want to avoid wasting energy wishing he’d become someone other than who he is. 🙂
Now that we are just a month away from the Big Day, I have decided to get more directive with him. I decided that the best way to get him to do the things I need him to do without me nagging or getting annoyed is to email him a weekly to do list for him with a deadline. This is the first week I’ve tried this approach and today is his "due date". We’ll see how he does…
I think deadlines and appointments are key–that way they know when they actually need to make decisions/complete tasks and etc. It also helps to have a talk with him to see which things he’s interested in and which things you might as well go ahead and decide without him. (I did not, for instance, consult with my guy on tablecloth colors or centerpieces–I did all that kind of stuff with my mum.)
Honestly, sometimes they are just like big children.
Post # 5
My FI is into everything I’m showing him for the wedding, but I think he thinks this stuff just magically appears! He has bought the groomsmen ties and his outfit, and he has accompanied me to vendor meetings, but that’s it. Don’t take it hard if he’s not into the planning. Most guys just aren’t.
Can you talk to his mom about the guest list? That’s where I got my FI’s guest list. If I’d had to wait for him, I’d still be waiting!