Post # 1
Is anyone else planning a wedding with an LDR? I’ve found it to be much more difficult that we planned! We are having a destination wedding (on West coast) and an at-home-reception (in Midwest) and we both live in completely different states, I live out East and he lives out West! The destination planning has been fine due to help from a wedding planner, but the at-home-receptions needs a lot of extra work and I feel like the weight is on my shoulders (we can’t afford another planner).
Due to our careers and current options that we have, we recently found out that it may continue to be LDR until about a month after the wedding… my mom has not been supportive of our decision to marry after an LDR and the fact that we won’t be in the same state until after the wedding only makes it worse.
Anyone else with similar issues? Any suggestions? We still want to get married in June, but it’s starting to make me nervous to plan it all LD and start our married life LD!
Post # 3
I am planning the wedding LD… and it just requires alot of communication and figuring out what your FI really wants to help decide on and what he doesn’t really mind that much about. I know how you feel though, it is hard…
I’m really sorry about your mom…
Post # 4
I’m sorry your mom is giving you a hard time! My mom is helping me plan my wedding long distance, and honestly I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own! It’s very stressful to not be in the same city you are getting married in AND be away from your FI, but push through, this too shall pass and then you’ll be married!
Post # 5
I’m planning from afar as well… our wedding will be in our parents’ hometown (we grew up in the same city), where neither of us live anymore. I’m definitely making good use of the Internet, haha.
I’m hoping my mom and his mom can both do a lot for us when push comes to shove with booking vendors and such… Ill have one week in town there this weekend to get our venues booked, and then it’ll be on them.
Post # 6
I’m planning LD although FI and I are currently in the same city. However, my FI has no clue as to what happens in a Canadian wedding and has only spent 1 day in the place we’re getting married, so he is really no help with planning. Basically I get his ‘yes’ before I book anything….but his yes is just to make me happy!
As to planning LD, my mum is really helpful, but if your mum isn’t very helpful, do you have friends who can help you out? I’ve found that a lot of researching/planning can actually be done via the Internet. Skype is your best friend! We decided to get married this past spring, and then we were going to Canada in August. I spent June/July researching things online and found 4 venues I liked. I Skyped with the wedding coordinators at each site, looked at flowers and cakes online, and then booked my venue, florist, and cake in 4 days in Canada! An amazing amount of things can be done online, and my vendors have been good about video chat too.
And as to starting a marriage LD, my friend is doing it now and it’s okay. They’ve actually only been in the same country for? maybe 6 months of their 3 year relationship. Now she’s teaching in Libya and he’s working in the UK. They’re waiting for her UK spousal visa to come through. They actually got engaged and married within 3 weeks of each other because they were already visiting her family in Eastern Canada and realized that it would be better to get married with her family present and start the visa process. It’s not ideal, but they’ve been through much more than that, and they are quite happy…and even happier that they will be reunited for once and for all very soon.^^ So I think you’ll be okay if your love and communication is strong.
Post # 7
I planned a long distance wedding in the US from here in England by myself, and it worked out great. You just have to get organized and plan everything out with lots of wiggle time. You also just have to accept that there are going to be some things that you just cannot control, being far away. We only got to our wedding location a few days before the wedding, so there was really no time for elaborate DIY projects. We didn’t get to meet our band, our photographers, videographer or florist in advance, but it all turned out fine.
Are you taking any trips between now and June to your at-home reception location? If so, make sure you make the most of your time there– taking lots of pictures of the space, measurements, meeting with any vendors possible, etc.
As for starting your marriage LD, you might want to check out some of the posts by ejs (I’m sure you’ve seen her around here– she’s a frequent poster). She and her husband have been long distance for the beginning of their marriage, so she might be able to PM you some tips on how to navigate that.
Post # 8
You can do it! Remember that the wedding is only the beginning—it’s the love you’ll share for the rest of your lives that really matters.
I think you can do LD. Just stay on top of things. I think it’s if you start to fall behind that you may feel panicked. Do you have anyone in the at-home area who could be a liaison (friend or family member)?
Post # 9
You can do it! I love what gemstone said.
Don’t give up, just take it a little at a time. I would have a serious converstaion with your mom about why she isn’t being supportive.
As far as planning LD for the hometown reception…for ours we kept it really simple. We has it at the home of a family friend (you could check a local park?) and set up a tent and hire a caterer. Don’t worry about having a program/dj/etc…just let it be party to celebrate your marriage. We loved our little reception which was more like a dinner party than a wedding.
Ejs was in an LDR for a long time after her wedding, and she survived, maybe she can weigh in. I think it’s harder, but if it’s only a month it’s possible to do it!
Post # 10
I’m going to be doing this and it’s freaking me out a bit. I’m across the planet from the wedding site. My fiance lives in a different part of the country and isn’t going to be able to travel up there to check on things. Luckily, we’re only having a very small, simple wedding. No reception, just probably going to go to dinner afterwards at a nearby restaurant.
We’re most likely going to book with a wedding package company who will handle everything. There are a few things we want customized (like the cake, if possible) and we’ll just handle that through email. He can call them if need be. It may end up being kind of generic, but I’m cool with it. Heck, I never thought I’d get married at all, so I can’t complain!
Post # 11
Thanks for all of the advice!
I sat down with my mom over the weekend and hashed out all the insecurities… and I things totally turned around! All the sudden she has all these ideas of things to do for the at-home reception! It’s going to be at our house and low-key (think elegant open-house in a barn). My FI’s mom and sister-in-law also offered to help out!
Planning LD will still be hard – but thank god for help, and the internet!
Post # 12
Hurray! That’s such good news.^^ Sometimes mother-daughter relationships just need a bit more communication work too! I’m glad that you now have helpers and more support!
Post # 13
@yola – YAY!!! It’s totally going to be doable 🙂