Planning a wedding when I really wanted to elope.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

((Hugs)) I’m so sorry this is such a rough time for you. It’s unconscionable that your FI isn’t helping more when he knows it’s so stressful. Have you sat him down and had a serious discussion with him about your feelings? I mean beyond not wanting a big wedding – the general stress, the sense of doing this all alone, the lack of realism on his part. 

I can empathize somewhat. I, too, wanted to elope, but since this is FI’s first (and hopefully only!) wedding, he decided he wanted to go the traditional route. My dreams of a  short and sweet just-us ceremony on a tropical beach at sunset are put on hold for a later vow renewal. I’m not struggling with my planning, but it’s definitely not the perfect wedding I have in my mind. The day will be beautiful, and I’m going to be supremely happy and proud of myself for putting it all together, but for now it feels a little blah. I think every bride goes through a moment or a period in the planning process like this.

Like you said, in the end you will enjoy the day and make beautiful memories. Keep that thought close to your heart and definitely post on WB as often as you need!

Post # 4
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can kind of relate as my husband and I wanted to elope but panned a small wedding instead to avoid hurting our families.  Even though it was a small wedding, I didn’t enjoy most of the planning process (kind of hated it honestly) up until the month before the wedding, when I started to get excited and enjoyed seeing all of the planning come together.  I too, dreaded walking down the aisle as I hate to be the center of attention, but once I saw my hubby waiting and smiling at me, I was filled with a sense of calm joy and it was fantastic…everything else faded away.

Can you have a heart-to-heart with your FI and explain how you’re feeling?  You deserve to have who you are refected in your special day just as much as he does.  Just because you’re planning a more traditional wedding, don’t get pressured into doing a bunch of stuff you don’t want.  We did an intimate brunch reception rather than an all-night raging party, didn’t have bridesmaids or groomsmen, etc.  Maybe make a list of what your vision is and have him do the same and then each of you are allowed to pick 3 “must-have’s” to help balance things out? 

Post # 4
Member
13 posts
Newbee

I can relate 100% to all of this, even down to your father’s passing. In addition to my feeling that I want my wedding to be more of an “us” thing than an everyone-and-their-mother thing, I am just not a terribly sentimental, romantic person so it’s hard for me to attach much significance to details and planning of the day.

 

My guy also has a huge family and wanted a big wedding for the longest time. I have dug my heels in on this particular issue since the very beginning of our relationship, even going as far as to say, “You are welcome to a big wedding, but it won’t be with me!” 😉 Luckily, his sister is planning a very big wedding to accommodate the whole family and he has a front row seat to what a mess it has become. Now he is finally on board with my vision of a spontaneous weekend in Vegas.

 

I’m sorry you are stuck planning a wedding you don’t love. How did the planning get delegated to you? Is there anyway you can give this back to him? It sounds like it’s more so his event than yours, it wouldn’t be asking too much to take up some of the tasks involved. 

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