Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I’ve suffered from depression all my life. It’s been pretty severe at times, but for the past few years, I’ve kept it pretty much under control. Not to say that things have been perfect, there are plenty of bad spots, but I’m able to recover from them fairly quickly.
There have been a few times here and there where I’ve just felt like scrapping the whole wedding thing and eloping (but I’m sure many people feel that way, depression or not). Mostly, it’s been a good thing. When I keep myself busy, I’m less likely to sink into a depression.
But I was wondering if anyone out there suffered from depression as well, and if the depression had affected your wedding planning and vice versa.
Post # 3
((Hugs)) I’m bipolar so i wind up with both ends of the spectrum. One day I don’t want anything to do with this wedding and I just want to elope but then another day I might spend all night obsessively planning out details without paying any attention to actual execution. It’s rough and I since I’ve been diagnoised for about 2 years I know when my highs and lows are coming and I can work with them but it doesn’t make it any easier. The best thing I’ve found for the days when I’m down and don’t want anything to do with this wedding the best thing I can do is…nothing! It sounds like it’s just feeding into the depression but in reality I’m acknowledging that it’s there and I’m acknowledging that I know I can’t do anything about how I’m feeling I just have to accept it and work with it. My advice? If keeping busy helps you keep the depression at bay then by all means keep busy but if you start feeling low just take a step back and do something else, find something else that you enjoy and if all else fails allow the depression to run it’s course so to speak and just do nothing.
Having support from other people is also helpful so if you ever need someone supportive to talk I’m available. Just PM me, I can’t promise to help but I can promise I’ll listen without judgement.
Post # 4
*major hugs for you* I sympathize completely. I’ve been dealing with depression since I was a child…I know exactly how you feel. I’ve called Fiance at least half a dozen times in the past month bawling and saying I didn’t want a wedding anymore.
It doesn’t help that we’ve been engaged for three years, and I STILL managed to procrastinate myself into oblivion! 😛
Usually I call him and he calms me down. In the four years we’ve been together, he’s been instrumental in helping me stay in a healthy place emotionally, so he’s the first one I turn to when I’m in the middle of a kickback.
It’s made planning a wedding tougher whenever I hit those rough patches, but my Fiance and my Maid/Matron of Honor are very supportive and help as much as they can.
Post # 5
*Hugs* I suffered from depression all throughout middle school and high school. I’ve found what works for me is really talking to someone who validates my feelings. In my deepest pit of loneliness and depression, it didn’t matter how many people were around me when I felt like I couldn’t talk, no one would listen, I was overreacting, etc.
Sometimes I have to take a step back from things, and recharge. I try to tell myself every day that little things are not the end of the world, even if it seems like they are. Because of that, I really need to do things at my own pace. I think a long engagement was right for us for precisely that reason.
Post # 6
I have anxiety, which often comes with depression. I won’t say one or the other is worse/ better because they both suck royally. But I fear my anxiety more. It’s hard to keep it in check when it blows up– I had a REALLY big blow-out about six months after we started dating, due to hormonal birth control (which, btw, can affect the seratonin in your brain and therefore make depression and anxiety worse. Great, right?) and it was everything I could do to cling to myself and my fiance during that time. It took me a good eight months to recover and get back to a healthy place again. I’m lucky. It could have been years. My fiance was instrumental in getting me happy again, as was getting off the BC.
I was terrified that when we got engaged it would come back (big changes often “spike” it the most), but so far– I’m okay. I still dread the possibility of it coming back, though, and I think as the big day gets closer I’m only going to be more at risk. I’ve had a few, very minor episodes, but I’ve been teaching myself to calm down as soon as they strike and I’m hoping it’s working.
There’s nothing more awful than being at the bottom of the ocean looking up at the sun above you, unable to feel it, unable to reach it, struggling for air. But I think our friends and loved ones can really help haul us up if we let them. I wish I had better advice, but everyone is different, and not the same things work for the same people. It’s a struggle, but if you hang in there, it will get better.
Post # 7
I have suffered from depression my whole life. I hit a bout a few months ago. I spent the first month crying and the second month determined to do Something but getting absolutely nothing done. I’ve found over the years that talking to people helps. I feel like i spent months and months talking to my Fiance about how I was feeling isolated, lonely, dark, how I felt I was spiraling out of control into a deep depression. It helped. I feel better now, without drugs, but, as always, its a struggle. (I am allergic to just about all anti-depression medication. So its either I get out on my own or not at all.) But, having delt with this monster all of my life, I feel that at 26 I have a better handle on it and can see the symptoms as they start. That helps- to know its coming on.
Now my Fiance has been depressed for months. He won’t talk to me about it. He won’t make an appointment to talk to anyone else about it. Its straining him, me, and us. I’ve almost completely stopped talking about the wedding with him because he gets moody and freaks out. We all handle depression differently.
Overall, I’d say depression is slowing things down for us. It makes planning the future hard, when all you see is the darkness around you. We are behind on a LOT of things simply because I spent the most important months of our engagement crying and on our couch doing nothing at all. Since Fiance is depressed, I have less help then I had before (which is so say, none what so ever before, and now everything is a fight.) Before I used to be able to talk to Fiance about wedding stuff, but without him to talk to, I have no outlet. Depression is definitely effecting our wedding planning in a negative way.
Post # 8
Like @Bunny2010, I have anxiety and sometimes have periods of depression because of it.
It has affected the planning, if only because I tend to get overwhelmed with the details sometimes and freak out. Also, I’ve had to deal with some familial drama, which definitely didn’t help the anxiety. When I can feel the panic coming, I just try to do some breathing techniques, go for a run, or do something that’s productive but mind-numbing. One of the reasons I’m doing so many DIY projects (well, not really that many, but some) is because I find it fun and it takes my mind off other stuff.
It’s difficult because weddings are already high-stress emotional things, and adding already existing mental stuff can just lead to disaster if you’re not self-aware. I’m also looking for work right now, so that really doesn’t help. 🙂
@Danadelphia: this is a really good post and I admire you and the other bees who are open to talking about this. It can be difficult to explain to people who don’t understand why, while this is a happy time, it is also a time that is fraught with emotions that don’t always have to do with the “happiness wedding planning”…and for people like us, sometimes it’s more difficult to have the perspective we need to get through it happy and healthy.
Post # 9
I’m truly sorry you all struggle with depression :(. I used to, when I was in high school & a little after that. But then I realized (with help from friends) that it was because I thought of myself as an awful person with no purpose, didn’t think anyone else loved me & if they did, they’d probably leave me some day, that others didn’t care, I was alone, & no one wanted me. Those feelings hurt me so deep it practically paralized me. I could manage being fake at school & friends & I could manage work, but at one point I did nothing but stay in my room for weeks & only came out to go to work (where I worked alone).
I write this because I do NOT have depression anymore, not at all! I never took any pills, never went to a shrink, I had to change my beliefs. I just want to let you all know there is hope! You are awesome, beautiful & loved & you have a Fiance who loves you so much he wants to spend the REST OF HIS LIFE WITH YOU!! How awesome is that?!! I’m not trying to be cheesy but its what I wish SO SO SO many people realized. They are ALIVE, they are wanted, cherished, valued, they are wonderful & great. Maybe you don’t see it in yourself, but others do.
Books might help, I read John & Staci Eldredge’s book “Captivating” & that helped me greatly x1000000! Idk if I helped anyone & I know everyone is different, but I really am sorry you are going thru this & I truly belive that you won’t have that depression forever!!
Post # 10
((Hugs)) I was diagnosed with depression last year, but it was induced by a specific event. Once I got that under control, I was able to go off medication and be just fine. I can’t imagine dealing with it on a regular basis, and I am so sorry for those of you that have to do that. Just wanted to say that I have enormous respect for you all.
Post # 11
Wow, how do you know if its really depression or just daily life stress?
Post # 12
I know exaclty how you feel… BIG HUG!
I have anxiety and currently have a situational depression. We got engaged last March, my family had a weird response because they are selfish (not just saying that, it’s well known) which made me sad. Then I got anxious and started questioning everything which made it worse. We moved into my FSIL’s to save for a house. Then I lost my job in July. I am still unemployed and living with the Future Sister-In-Law. Oh, and I have gained weight since I sit around all day and emotional eat.
Our engagement has been far from blissful and so many times I have wanted to stop all wedding planning and elope. Sometimes I find myself just wanting the wedding to be over so the anxious feeling in my chest will stop, the crazy thoughts will stop and the sadness will stop. I’m not saying the wedding will “cure all” but at least I won’t have to worry about what people thought about our wedding, how I looked at the wedding, how we are going to pay for the wedding and how our relationship will change after the wedding.
I know I didn’t offer any great advice… I was probably more of a downer… but I just wanted you to know that you are FAR from alone.