Post # 1
My mother and I were great friends, until the day that I announced my engagement. Then it became the large and pink fluffy elephant in the room. Phone calls became once a week affairs and any mention of the wedding came with an uh huh and a quick change of subject.
My fiancee is a great man. Since we’ve been engaged we’ve dealt with my unemployment, his unemployment, and our disasterous engagement announcement (which I am sure will one day be immortalized as a very uncomfortable romantic comedy). He is wonderful and now as we near a year before the proposed date of our wedding he has thrown himself headlong into planning.
His mom and aunts are wonderful. They are all about the wedding and celebration and they can’t wait to jump head first into it. The thing is that no matter how great they are I’m human. I can’t help mourning the loss of my mother in all of this. Especially because (as my username states) I am not a traditional bride. I never planned on getting married and as long as my fiancee wants to commit to forever with me this wedding could take place in a circus tent with a bearded lady officiating and acrobats in the background. But i’ve got no one to talk to. No one who has done this before to say this is what comes from being married. And no family in bridal party to stand at my wedding day and say I am really happy for you. Not to mention the cringeworthy worst case scenarios of how she might display this displeasure on my wedding day.
Beyond running off to Vegas or eloping, how have other people dealt with this. I know that families are complicated but the wedding seems to have brought it all to a head. And I could use any recommendations including strong cocktail recipes that I can get
Post # 3
Are you saying that you have NO family and NO friends? If your mother does not approve and does not wish to participate, what about siblings, cousins, neighbors, friends, coworkers, teammates etc.?
Post # 4
I feel your pain. My parents were not happy when I told them I was engaged. While I’m not super close to them, I’ve always had a good relationship with my parents. It was really painful for the months that my dad avoided talking to me. My mom was a little more reasonable, but it was still very tense to discuss anything with her related to my Fiance and my wedding.
I knew when I told my parents I was marrying my Fiance and staying in Haiti that they would need to time to adjust. I had already worked through the idea of living away from them, but they had just had all their hopes and expectations ripped out from under them. Thankfully after they had time to greive the loss of their dreams (I think mostly grandchildren nearby), they are much more supportive now.
I tried really hard not to shove my upcoming marriage plans in their faces. I would mention things, but not give a lot of details if they didn’t ask questions. I tried to wait for them to show some interest before sharing too much. I knew that my decision to marry my Fiance and stay in Haiti hurt them, so I tried not to rub their faces in it. I don’t know if that makes sense. It was really hard those first few months, but it has gotten better. I hope that your mom comes around and sees how happy your Fiance makes you. If you haven’t already, you might ask her to tell you what her fears or concerns are. Maybe if she has a chance to air her issues, she’ll be able to move forward.
I remember at one point I told my mom, “I really, really want you guys to be excited for me–that I have found the man I want to spend the rest of my life
with. But I know it’s hard news for you to hear.” I think recognizing their discomfort/concerns/reservations went a long way in making things better between us.
Post # 5
@nontraditional bride: I gave in to a lot of her wants for my wedding day. It hasn’t taken the displeasure out of her face, or stopped the “are you sure you’re happy/excited to be getting married” questions, but it has made it easier. I know a lot of brides here would disagree with the way I handled things, but I am not in the position right now to do otherwise and my fiance won’t elope with me. It has definitely made for bitterness and sad memories surrounding my wedding day.
I hope your mom snaps out of it before your memories also get tainted.
PM me if you need to talk/vent/whatever.
Post # 6
I am in almost the EXACT situation as you and I also have NO IDEA how to handle it. There are times I think I’d rather be married around strangers who seem happy for me than my mother (and siblings) who are completely indifferent. It’s stressing me out.
I know about the “changing the subject” bullcrap. It’s so controlling, I hate it! 🙁
Could be a jealousy thing. Could be a narcissist thing. Could be a control issue.
Maybe we should just elope?