Post # 1
Anyone have any tips?
My mother is unbelievably negative, uses yelling and threatening with money as a form of intimidation, and is very hostile. She does not want to pick a vendor yet will criticize in great detail what my fiance and I choose.
How do i go about navigating a wedding? We are unable to even choose a place because she chooses the ugliest places and will insult all the places we love (that are at great prices and are very highly known and respected)
This is just a lose-lose. Her way or the highway,yet her way does not make sense. Pay the same price for an ugly (insert wedding thing) as a gorgeous (wedding thing) just because she chooses it? sigh. Then she threatens, “I’m the one paying!” while she does haev a point, i cannot communicate at all with her. any tips?
Post # 3
If she’s really going to threaten pulling her money, then I say let her do it. If she is giving you no say, it might be best to just start back at square one and plan the wedding you and your Fiance can afford. Do you really want this many headaches during your entire planning process?
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Don’t let her pay for your wedding. Pay for it yourselves or elope. When you allow someone else to pay it means they are hosting the event and have the final say in every detail. The only way she might relent is if you go to counseling together but that would likely put the brake son your wedding which I am sure you really don’t want to do. Maybe the threat of eloping will make her more agreeable?
Post # 5
Simple solution: Don’t take her money.
Post # 6
@doubtingdebbieah: Leave her out of planning. Don’t take her money. See if you can get a loan from the bank or something. She will make your wedding day about her and you will regret it.
Post # 7
Either step back and let your mother plan your wedding and release control (being grateful that she’s footing the bill) – or, take control and pay for your own wedding.
Post # 8
The thing is my fiance s parents are paying as well 30 percent yet she has a my way or the highway view and doesn’t consider them or anyone’s wishes
Post # 9
you refuse the money from people who insist on their way just because they’re contributing.
Post # 10
Whoever pays says. If you don’t want her input do not take her money. If you take her money you then have to take her opinion. Sucks, but that’s how it goes. Is cutting her contribution an option? You are going to have to do that or call her bluff and pick what you like and see what she does.
Post # 11
good points thanks ladies!
Post # 12
I have first hand witnessed what a toxic mother can do…..twice. My mother made planning both my siblings weddings a nightmare. My sister has just celebreated her 5th anniversary and her one regret five years later……letting my mother pay for any part of the wedding. It has scared her. Don’t do it, please. Your wedding is once in a lifetime; look back years from now and remember your wedding with love and delight, not the drama your mother caused you. Best wishes.
Post # 13
The other solution is you decide what she gets to pay for and gets final say on. Agree on what your FI’s parents are paying for and they get final say on. If you have any money you are contributing decide the things that matter the most to you and ONLY you and your Fiance get a say in that. Instead of just doing total cost of wedding divided between your mother and his parents. This way everyone who is paying gets a say and doesn’t have to argue with her about their parts.
Though honestly I would recommend not taking her money. Its easy to say if its NOT a gift (but blackmail) I don’t want it! She could pull the money out at any time and you could really be screwed if that happened. That’s the main reason why I say you shouldn’t take her money- its risky if she’s being tempermental. If you reserve a venue and then she doesn’t foot the bill for it and its too expensive for you to pay for- you will really be in a bind 🙁
Post # 14
I faced a similar situation with my Mother-In-Law. She is the most vile woman ever, and allowing her to pay ANY portion of our wedding would be something she would hold over us for the rest of our lives.
Simple solution- I told her I do not want any of her money for our wedding.