Post # 1
Well, I wrote a huge post… and I figured maybe I’ll sum it up:
if one of your parents had cancer and it was not looking good and you had 8 months to plan a wedding, wouldn’t you switch your date to that 8 month mark to plan it?
in our situation the venue we like includes EVERYTHING and that’s great for this situation. Also we are financially capable. Only problem is my fiance thinks it’s a bad idea because one of my parents has cancer and he just thinks we should not be having a wedding… but I want them there. I need them there. I don’t know why he’d be opposed. I know it’s supposed to be a happy time but what the heck can I do, really?
Post # 3
So sorry ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
I don’t know why your FI is agianst it. he should be more sensitive. I definitely think you should esp if you have the venue you want.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry. I would move my wedding up.
Post # 5
I’m sorry. Talk to parent about what they think is best date, and go from there. I think during a hard time like having cancer, it’s nice to see your relatives get married, makes sad things more bearable, just my opinion.
My mom went through bad divorce during my wedding planning, but it helped her to keep the focus on something happy rather than negative. Hope that helps. :::Hugs:::
Post # 6
Maybe there is something behind him not wanting to choose that time? I would go for it, even sooner, you never know. Best of luck and hugs to you both during this time.
Post # 7
Depending on how you read it, I’m getting the feeling that he might feel it’s a sad time and it’s not “appropriate” to plan such a joyous occassion around something that is also going to be sad.
I’m hoping that makes sense and you understand what I’m trying to get at! If not, I apologize!!!!
Also, he might be thinking that at that point, your parent might not a)look great and/or want photos taken, or b)might not feel up to the wedding.
I don’t know, but I would definitely talk to your parent and then talk to your FI with the ill parent there, so he can understand why this is so important to you, and hopefully, your parent.
good luck, and so sorry to hear you are going through this!
Post # 8
Thank you so much for replies!
Ryna I think that’s what he feels the most strongly about… but I feel like I would be too sad to have my wedding without this parent there. I think it is hard given what is going on but I just don’t know how much easier it could be if they weren’t there for any reason, be it they’re too sick or worse. I never imagined we’d be facing this…
The whole thing is harder than just that though. They say whatever I want is fine with them. But the reality is that we can only guess based off what doctors say, and it sounds like this summer is best. But they feel SO LOUSY right now… they’re getting treatment for back pain that’s really taking a toll on them and were told with confidence they’ll be feeling better in just a couple weeks. I really hope so…
But it’s so hard no matter what… It’s hard to book the place not knowing exactly how they’ll feel. It’s a lot of money. Then I worry about the affordable dates (Friday and Sunday) making people not be able to make it or stay. And it’s all about everyone being together to me. And the place we want includes so much that we wouldn’t have to worry about much.
It seems really hard to do this. I just don’t know what to do anymore. There’s so many factors. I wish I could just forget about it for a few days but days are getting booked already that we were considering. I called today and scheduled an appointment so we can finally book something this weekend but this is just so hard… so so hard.
I am so beyond lost right now. There’s too much to consider and we only have so much certainty. I just don’t know what to do anymore now that one of the dates we wanted is booked and this parent is really having a bad week… I love them so much…. so so much. Maybe we should consider other options.
I know I’m rambling (and vague) but it’s just been such a tough week because we thought they were doing good and this could be next summer but we got not good news.
Post # 9
@yassim: awwwww, **lots and lots of hugs and chocolate** I’m sorry, hun. Do you have a best friend you could talk to? Or turn to for support? The internet, unfortunatly, is only so helpful.
This might not be a good idea, but it’s one I’ve heard brides doing in similiar circumstances. They have a VERY small, VERY intimate wedding with the person who is ill involved. THEN they go on and have the larger wedding for everyone else, so no one gets left out. Usually, when I’ve heard/read of brides doing this, they typically only have a handful of people involved, if it’s an ill parent involved, that parent gets to fulfill that part of the wedding, see their child married, and it gives the bride a really special day.
I’m not saying that this is what everyone does, but I HAVE heard people doing it and, I always thought it was a really sweet gesture. If your FI is up for it, as well as your parents, it’s at least an option.
You’d still be able to be married at your venue on the date of your choice 8 months later and, if the worst happens, you’ll have that day to remember. If nothing happens between now and then, you’ll STILL have that special day as well as the 2nd day and your parent can be in the spotlight again. IF he/she is feeling up to it.
My FI’s aunt had aggressive cancer and chemo and she’s still having trouble getting around. It’s been MONTHS since the last treatment. I just thought I’d mention this because it’s possible your parent may be in this situation as well. 🙁
Good luck and I wish the best for you, your FI, and your parents.
Post # 10
My friend moved her wedding up so that her mom could be a part of the day. Her wedding photos are the last pictures she has with her mom. I would move the wedding up if my mom was dying so that she could be a part of it but thats because I know she woulnd’t want to miss it.
Post # 11
I would definitely try to move my wedding up if someone that important to me was at risk of not being able to be there.
And if I couldn’t move the “big traditional wedding” up, I would do a smaller, intimate ceremony with maybe just the immeadiate families on both sides and get married then so that all parents could be present (like Ryna was suggesting). Then I’d still hold the bigger celebration later, hoping that everyone could still be there but knowing that if they couldn’t, I’d still have gotten that special moment and day with them.
Sorry you’re even having to think about and deal with this. No one wants to have to go through that ever, especially during what is supposed to be a happy, celebratory time.
Post # 12
I’m sorry to hear that. We changed our wedding date when my grandpa got sick, but VERY long and ridiculous story short…he’s not coming. So I guess you have to consider will they be healthy enough to attend and enjoy that day?
Post # 13
You know, you may want to look up Mrs. Seashell. Her MIL had cancer while they were planning. She’s been there, so she’d be a great person to ask for advice.
Post # 14
First, I am so sorry your family is going through this. Even if the doctors didn’t think it was terminal, cancer just sucks.
I understand why your fiance might think it’s inappropriate but if your parent is OK with it, move it up (definitely sooner than 8 months). If the doctors are correct, there are already so many things this parent is going to miss, your wedding shouldn’t be one of them.
Any of us who have lost a parent will tell you it is very emotionally difficult to go through any major life moment without that person there. My father had been gone 16 years by the time I got married, but the day wasn’t any easier.
Once you have set a date, let the doctors know. Depending on many factors, they may be able to “take a break” from treatment for a couple weeks before the wedding so they aren’t so sick.
I hope I don’t sound harsh–but having lived through it, I know I would do anything to make sure my parents were there.
Post # 15
Thank you SOO much again, really.
Ryna I’m glad you mention the alternative because that was something my fiance and I started talking about.
I hope we can decide on something soon. I wish, that on good terms and good reasons, that we could have something to sort of rely on.
I am really sorry to anyone and everyone in this situation.
Georgiabee I’m so sorry about your dad. What you said about the breaks is what we plan to do, time them with the wedding so they can feel at their best.
It’s really tough 🙁 I hope we figure this out soon…