Post # 1
My mother has been sick for a while, we knew eventually she would get worse as its and inmune system illness. A couple of months ago we found out she might not have long, maybe a couple of months, maybe two years. My amazing fiancee agreed to get engaged and married in a rush. So we did, we got engaged over thanksgiving, we’re getting married in February. My mom is getting worse really fast . I hate having to plan a party when things are so sad, but her and my dad want it to be the best, because it might be the last time we’re together as a family. Its so hard to plan a wedding, and its even worse when in the back of my mind all I can think about is losing my mom. THe threat of her not making it is there as well and thats keeping me awake at night. Unfortunately, due to my job I have to move a lot so I dont have a close knit group of friends and I live in a different state by myself , so I cannot hang out at home with her as much as I wish. One thing that hit me today is that Im having to tell people, one by one about why we’re rushing so much with the wedding. I am Hating having to share this so private and painful moment with our guests, having to answer questions and feel their pity. Any advice on coping is welcome.
Post # 3
I just wanted to say I’m sorry about your mother.
I will share that FMIL was ill and FH and I talked about having a small wedding that she could attend and then having another ceremony later for everyone else. FMIL started to get better but passed suddenly a few months before we were planning our small ceremony.
I can understand your frustrations, planning a wedding when things are so dreary and also having to explain to people what’s going on. I do not have any advice on coping, other than if you don’t want to answer a lot of questions, then you don’t have to share all the details with everyone. I would only tell those who are closest to you the full reason why you are having the wedding so quickly, to everyone else I wouldn’t say anything or just say that there are some family issues and the timing is for the best for everyone. If that’s an option for you.
Post # 4
@saratep: Just sending my sympathy…… it is so hard. I got engaged Thanksgiving while my Mom was sick. I didn’t know what to do, but her battle with cancer took a toll on her and I couldn’t plan anything. It was heartbreaking, even if I rushed the wedding I never knew what would have happened at any moment. She was in the ER alot.
She passed away two weeks ago. I’m happy she saw me get engaged and I’d talk to her about wedding plans. We’re actually planning on eloping to Hawaii this summer, just the two of us, something I never told her about or even considered until last week. But still, she was happy I was getting married.
I see your date is next week. How is everything going?
Post # 5
Oh, I am so so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug! My mother died of cancer a few years ago and I am so missing her during this wedding planning time. I know it is not the same situation, but I want you to know I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am sure it must be so very painful.
Take things one day at a time. Let yourself feel and process any emotions or lack of emotions that come your way on a given day.
Talk to God about it. He loves you so much and wants to hear anything you have to say.
Be kind to yourself. If you are feeling overwhelmed by dealing with people, excuse yourself and go take some time to be by yourself. Go get a massage. Pedicure. Read a book. Be with your mom. Whatever you need to do, do in this time. People will understand. And if they don’t, they are not worth taking the time to try to get them to understand.
XOXO, hang in there.