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Congrats on your engagement!!
i know it's different strokes for different folks, but when we first were engaged, we started out with prioritizing what 5 things were most important to us... ours were these 5:
1. church wedding vs. other location
2. size of bridal party & guest list
3. open bar
4. photography
5. DJ/music/entertainment
believe it or not, sometimes setting the date is the hardest part - especially if you are dealing with a church that books quickly - some churches require more than 6 months prior... then coordinating that date with the reception venue. if you're going to have both at the same place, then obviously that's not going to be so hard right?
also - set a loose budget - it's easy to let planning get ahead of you and before you know it, youv'e spent hundreds upon hundreds on "stuff"... know what maximum you want to spend on certain things
keep in mind - it's his wedding also - are there some things he absolutely has to have (cultural, etc??)
dont get too wrapped up in the deets - sometimes we want thigns to be so perfect that we lose sight of what thsi is all about - two people promising to love, respect and be with each other
have fun with it!! it's just the day - you have a lifetime to be together!
That is exactly why we decided not to do any full planning until he gets home...it is his wedding too!!! He told me I could start the actual planning, but I do not want to without him!!
We have been through a lot to get to where we are today, so believe me when I say I am never going to lose sight of what the day is going to be about. I want something nice, but I know I am not going to turn into a "Bridezilla" its just not in my nature...I know that the best memories come from what is not planned. Of course some things will have to be planned to a "T", but it will not bother me if everything is not 100% perfect...As long as I get to marry him, that is all that matters!!!
That is why I just wanted to get some ideas together, the color scheme I am thinking of is actually his favorite colors, (one of them is mine also) but I love the idea of these 2 colors together...blue and green...I'm just not sure what shades I want to go with, I was thinking lighter shades, but not pastel...just lighter cooler shades...
as far as culture goes...that is going to be an issue, he is actually Muslim, but grew up in America, (moved here when he was 9) he told me that he wants a good old fashioned American wedding, that he doesn't understand the Muslim wedding, but I would like to incorporate some of his culture into our ceremony. Like I said, he grew up in America, he considers himself Muslim, but does not practice it. So, he has made it clear he DOES NOT want a Muslim ceremony...but I was thinking we could bring it Bosnia (where he is from) through food, music, and maybe some decoration. His family is okay with us getting married, but they are all practiing Muslims, so I have a feeling we may end up having 2 ceremonies just to please his family, which is fine with me!! But I am willing to go with whatever he wants when it comes to this, because that is his culture and I do not want him to feel like I disapprove or want him to forget who he is! I do not want this at all, his faith and culture are one of the things I love the most about him.
That is why I am not doing any permanent planning, because there are so many factors to consider...and some of the big things are on his end, anyone have any ideas on what I can incorporate into a traditional Ameican wedding that is from the Muslim/Bosnian culture? Like I said, I just want to get a list of ideas so we are not completely starting from square one, and I do have the full intention of making sure this is his wedding too and the things that are important to him and his family are included
i love the idea of representing bosnia - are there any special foods from bosnia or favorite desserts he just loves?? that would be great to have those either at the RD or the reception!!
blue and green together always look cool and refreshing - and i think it will look amazing together!
His favorite Bosnian food is Cheese Sirnica...I was thinking of having a cocktail hour that is bosnian food, then american food for the reception dinner...
here's a little teensy bit of info:
http://tuzladailyphoto.blogspot.com/2006/08/wedding-of-day.html
a little tidbit from www.everyculture.com:
<div class="article_container"><h3>WEDDINGS</h3>In 1992, when the war started in Bosnia, approximately 40 percent of the registered marriages in urban centers were between ethnically mixed Bosnians. Ceremonies reflect this mix, often including traditions from both ethnic groups involved. The bride usually wears white and is attended by bridesmaids. Men wear capes. There are many flowers, and there is much drinking and dancing. The food includes Bosnian biscuits, a coffee cake-like bread with walnuts, raisins, and chocolate.
An Islamic tradition of giving hand-woven carpets (kilims) and knotted rugs lasted for centuries. The custom of giving a personally woven dowry rug, with the couple's initials and date of marriage, disappeared only in the 1990s.
Thanks!!!!!! :-) Can't really see him wearing a cape though lol but this is definitely a starting point!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The first thing I did when I got engaged was start a scrap book. I got some subscriptions to wedding magazines and also went though the magazines I already had (Lucky, marie claire, etc.) to find things I liked. Make up ideas, hair styles, color schemes, shoes, jewelry, dresses, decor, stuff like that. I would definitely start thinking about the guest list and budget. You could also start researching locations online and contact them to see about cost. Then when he gets back choose places together to go look at in person. 6 months will fly by! Good luck!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
*throws confetti in air*
you could use this time to do some serious research. put together inspiration boards. start spreadsheets and collect the top 3 or 5 vendors in each wedding area. the best that you can afford or however you decide on the vendors.
i'm planning our wedding during a long distance engagement. unfortunately we wont get to be together thru this process (nearly 900 miles seperate us), but i find that the internets have been awesome. you can shoot him pictures of stuff. send him spreadsheets comparing things, all kinds of communication can happen.
that way, when you two are together again, the actual "planning" process could be fairly short and sweet. basically all you guys would have to do is make final decisions together once he actually walks thru venues, visits vendors, taste cakes, ect.
above all, enjoy this time. GL! 
Thank you so much! That was my initial idea...just to get a bunch of ideas put together so when he gets home we will have starting points and it won't be that hard! Unfortunately, he does not have internet access very often over there...its kind of a gamble when he can get online, so that is why we have decided for me just to get a bunch of ideas together and he can either agree or give me some ideas of his own, but at least its started. And I want to do it this way anyway because it will keep me busy while he is gone!!!
Anyone else have any other ideas/suggestions?
1) Other ideas for what I can do while he is gone without making permanent decisions
2) How to incorporate Bosnia/Islam into our ceremony/reception even though he wants an old fashioned american wedding? But I would still like to incorporate some of his culture
THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congrats on your engagement!!
I would say one of the best ways to start is just looking at lots of different ideas. Weddingbee is definitely the best and then there are lots of other blogs out there with amazing ideas and pictures. I end up saving a lot of pictures on my computer as inspiration even if I may not use most of them. I've got a huge list of blogs that I follow and go through their archives for ideas. You could spend months going through just Weddingbee archives.
Maybe you have an idea of what time of year it would be? This is one of the best ways to start your inspiration. It can change everything. You don't have to commit to any color scheme but its good to notice which combinations you like and don't like. Also think about the mood you want to create... fun, romantic, soft, etc.
And you can always start research about your dress and your overall look (hair, makeup, jewelry, etc.) You get to decide that so that's a fun way to start.
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I think that the experience of most of the bees is probably that, even when the guys are pretty involved, we still do most of the legwork. My FI has been involved with all major decisions, but as far as hunting down pictures of options, ordering samples, coming up with ideas, that's all me. So I think you can definately do lots of research, put together books of samples and photos of cakes, flowers, color schemes that you like - and he can take a look as he is able, either via internet, or you can send him good, old-fashioned letters and packages! And of course when he gets back, he can help make decisions. Probably the biggest one is when the wedding will be - and unless you want to wait another six to nine months after he gets back, some decisions will probably have to be made before his return. I was really surprised, but its not uncommon to have to book a venue and photographer 9 months in advance, or even more. You can call around to places in your area to find out how early they book up, and get some idea.
i would suggest dress shopping! Wedding dresses can take up to 4-6 months to order so it would definitely help you to get a headstart on that. Plus, this is a decision that grooms are not traditionally a part of so he shouldn't feel offended that you didn't include him in this part of the wedding planning process.
good luck and congrats!!
Congratulations!! This is such an exciting time!! I know i wanted to jump in and get started right away! I took some time to just revel in all the excitement before I started any planning. Now that i'm deep into planning - i'm glad i took 2 weeks to just smile and be excited!
There are SO many great resources to use. One of my favorite - to get ideas and color palettes is http://snippetandink.blogspot.com/
I wouldn't go and buy a dress now -there are so many girls who change their mind - or see another one that they like better, later - but you can start collecting pictures - the knot has like - every dress out there. I save pictures to a wedding file - so i knew what i was looking for.
I also checked out a lot of knot bios for inspiration - and again i saved pictures - they have come in handy when i wanted to show the florist what i was going for, etc.
There are a lot of other neat blogs out there - http://eluckydesigns.blogspot.com/ - thats a good one and there are a lot of blogs on the right hand side to check out.
Congrats again!!
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Congratulations!
I back the recommendation of someone earlier: over the phone or what not, you should be able to work out together with your fiance your top 3-5 priorities...That way you don't get bogged down by the details and setting those priorities can help shape the rest. It should also allow you (in the States) to run around and begin to meet with people and gather ideas, while some of the other things can honestly wait until your FI gets home. I'm sure you want to involve him in as many ways as you can, and getting to know the most important things to him will help the overall vision. More than anything, this process has illuminated for me the times this is MY wedding and OUR wedding. Don't do too much without him, but certainly get a sense of the things he cares about and likes best and that should give you clearer direction.
By setting our priorities, it didn't require a lot "lead" time to find our other vendors. In fact, I would say we lucked out with a bunch of our vendors, simply because it didn't matter as much who we got. What DID matter was someone we could communicate with and ultimately trust that they "caught the vision."
Honestly, that relationship with your vendors is the most critical aspect of wedding planning. Trusting the ones you chose to hire to pull of the event of your dreams...
I can't add any Bosnian knowledge, but I imagine the library would be a terrific place to just familiarize yourself with the culture. And if you have a good relationship with his parents, you could ask them for recipes and bounce ideas off of them. I think they'd be flattered that you want to incorporate their heritage.
Will he for sure be done in 6 months? Is he in the military? Do you get to talk often enough? Does he have time or energy to think about these elements while he's away?
Congratulations! Completely understand that you want to go through the plannign process w/ your fiancee. But there's a lot that you can do during the next six months that will make the process easier.
1. Subscribe to a couple of bridal magazines, and start reading online sites like WeddingBee.com, and weddingchannel.com. You can pick up a lot of useful tips, and start focusing on some things that only you can make (wedding gown, hairstyle)
2. You can buy one of the fancy planners or start your own 3-ring binder. Tear out pictures of things you like. Often times, men need a visual to help them picture what you're talking about. If you have some examples of colors you like, bridesmaids styles, etc., it'll help the discussions when you're ready to do it together.
3. Scope out some venues/locations ahead of time and take him to your top 3.
The rest of it will all into place after that. Best of luck to you.
Oh, and I am of Asian decent, and my husband is Caucasion. I wanted the big American ceremony, too, but honored my heritage by having us both change into traditional wedding outfits for the cake-cutting. People went crazy when they saw my husband in the outfit. It showed that he had respect for my culture, and he got an A+ for effort. I was able to show respect, too, but it was just enough to not detract from being in my beautiful, white wedding gown.
It's fantastic that you want to incorporate his culture, just know that you don't have to overdo it, people will appreciate just a touch or two to show that you made the effort.
He will be gone for at least 4-6 months...no he is not in the military...he is in Bosnia...his home country...his parents want him to be over there for at least 6 months before he makes it permanent over here (which I don't understand since he moved here when he was 9 and basically grew up here and is a U.S. Citizen...) I don't get to talk to him much, because the cell phone reception is not the greatest over there (he climbed up on his roof Monday night so he could get signal and talk to me, shifted, fell off the roof, tore his MCL in his right knee and had surgery today to repair it...that KILLED me that I couldn't be there when he woke up...
) and he doesn't get internet over there...
So, we text message back and forth whenever he has signal, and talk on the phone whenever he does too, but with him being injured I do not know when I can talk to him again, which is KILLING me...but I know that as soon as he can he will get in contact with me
As far as a relationship with his parents go, I have never met them, and even if I did I wouldn't be able to cmmunicate with them, they never learned English, but I am trying to find a way to learn basic Bosnian so that I can at least write them a letter or something...the funny thing is he speaks perfect English, no accent, and actually he speaks it better than I do lol
So now I am even more stuck then I was seeing as I have no idea when I can speak with him again and letters take a long time to get over there...hmmmmm.....I will do what I can and just make a scrapbook of ideas...and as far as the time of year...we are flexible on that...so we don't have any problems waiting for him to get home before we start all the actual planning!!!
Thank you so much everyone for all of your input...I am still open to suggestions!!! :-D
How hard for you! But I do think that its great that he has so much respect for his parents to do this. If his parents still live there, and don't even speak English, it probably seems like a huge step to them for him to get married to an American girl. They were maybe thinking he would actually move back some day, and of course once you guys are married that is much less likely to happen. I know its sometimes hard for my parents, who live right around the corner, to think that they are "losing" their little girl. How much harder it must be for your FI's folks!
I would really encourage you to use the mail - I know its slow and frustrating, but you know how nice it is to get a letter or a package. And just think how great it will be years from now to have all those letters you wrote to each other during this time. I love to look back at the letters my grandparents wrote each other when he was in the service, and sometimes it makes me sad that FI and I will probably never have anything like that, as even if we were apart we would just email or call. Plus you will have lots of fun putting together packages of stuff for him, and it will be so exciting to get his letters back!
Ok...I need some serious advice now...
In an earlier post I explained how my FI just had to have surgery on his knee...no one in his family is keeping me up to date on what is going on and I heard from him twice today...
1) I sent him a message asking how he is feeling- his reponse "I'm good"
2) I ask him when he will be leaving the hospital- his response "Soon"
I am so afraid that his family may be trying to blame this on me since he climbed up on that roof so he could get reception to talk to me...and I have no idea how much influenece they will have on him while he is over there...and it KILLSSSSS me that I could not be there with him when he woke up yesterday...or the fact that no one is keeping me informed...is he home? what will his recovery time be? how does this affect him coming home? NOTHING!!!!! What should I do????
Oh, and when he woke up from surgery yesterday, I found out from him...I sent a message to his phone with all of this brothers names on it (his brothers speak english) asking them to please inform me of what is going on...a little while later I get a message from him saying "I'm alright baby I just woke up"...
He has texted me while being in the hospital when he has had the chance...BUT he has not told me he loved me in a single one...and that is really starting to bother me, because that is so out of character for him...I am also beginning to wonder since I have not actually talked to him since Monday night when he told me he was in the hospital, if it is really him that is sending me these messages...I have tried to call his phone but there is never any answer...
Oh dear. Maybe he is just not feeling himself, with the surgery and painkillers and anesthesia and such. My FI is terribly grumpy when he doesn't feel well, and is just impossible. It is awful to have someone you love hurt or sick and far away so that you can't do anything for them.
I know I am crazy letters-and-packages girl, but maybe putting together a care package for him would make you feel better. And it would be something of you that he would have when it gets there. Phone calls and text messages are great, but something you can hold in your hands is better. Maybe you can send him some pictures of you, and a disposable camera so that he can take pictures of himself and the places he is now to send back to you.
You maybe have to have some faith right now - that he loves you, and that he knows what he wants, and that even if his family wants to influence him he will come back to you. And the roof thing - really, how is that your fault? Where in the US do you have to stand on a roof to get cell phone reception? I am sure it will serve to remind him how nice things are here, and how much really wants to come back to all the good things that are here, including (of course) you!
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I finally heard from him...everything is okay...*phew* i'm just a wreck right now, because I have never had to deal with this before...I love that man more than I thought I could ever love anyone and he affects me in a way no one ever has, and I was just a complete and total nervous wreck not knowing exactly what was going on...but it felt so WONDERFUL to hear his voice today, even tho he was a bit dopey from the pain meds lol but it was him, my love, my FI, my one and only. I cannot wait for him to come home and just feel his arms around me again, look into his beautiful eyes and tell him how much I love him. Which he already knows, but I have found something out for sure...the old saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" IT'S TRUE!!!!!!!!!
That is one thing that I love about him the most...he makes the most of the time we spend together, he never wastes a moment and he ALWAYS ALWAYS looks me in the eye when he says he loves me...you don't get a lot of that anymore...
I know I am ranting on and on...lol...but I am just so relieved and kinda on cloud 9 at the moment that I got to speak with him...I feel like a little school girl again lol
Glad to hear things are going ok! My suggestion is to figure out a date!! that is something you two can do via text or email or phone... then you can start looking at venues, researching etc... that is time consuming and really I think guys just want to get to the nuts and bolts... they don't want to look at 20 places... narrow it down to 3-5 that when he gets back the two of you can go to.
Start thinking about budgets.. where will your wedding money come from? That you can do while he's gone.
Start making your guest list... enlist your family for their list... Heck he can start asking his family too....
And as others said... make your wedding binder! its fun and crafty and a great place to put all your dreams wishes and ideas.
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I went out and bought a scrap book the other day, and a bunch of bridal magazines...I am have been cutting out things that I like for ideas, dresses, hairstyles, etc...I cannot believe how fast it is filling up, but I loved this idea so that way everything is in one place when he comes home and we can flip through it...I already have a few venues in mind...I'm in St Augustine, and i LOVE this city, and there are a few places I would loooove to get married at...I checked around on prices and have narrowed it down to 4 different places...I printed up the information from their websites and put them in the scrap book :-)
As far as budget goes, my parents are discussing that as we speak...and they are also working on a guest list...nect time I talk to FI I will ask him to come up with one too and let me know at least how many he has come up with...:-)
Thank you everyone for your input! I truly appreciate it!!!!! :-D
I want to thank everyone for their input on this, but I have to apologize for wasting your time. Please see other post entitled "Hard Choices"
Thank you
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Hello! My boyfriend and I just got engaged on Friday! It wasn't a normal engagement seeing as he is out of the country for the next 6 months, so he proposed to me over the phone...but to me it was perfect.
Seeing how he will not be back for the next 6 months, we have decided to start planning the wedding when he comes home, however, I would like to get a bit of a jump start on things and to start thinking of ideas to present to him when he comes home.
I just don't know where to begin. I was thinking about getting ideas about the color schemes, possible locations, etc...but I do not want to make any permanent plans without him. But, besides what I have already mentioned, what else can I do? I really am glad this happened, because I can use this to keep me busy while he is away and make the time go by faster, but at the same time, I would love to have ideas to present to him, so that way when he comes home we are not starting at square one.
We have not set a date, but we are flexible, so I was thinking that is going to be the easy part, finding a place that we love and want to get married at, and seeing what dates they have available once he comes home.
Any ideas, suggestions, directions, would be greatly appreciated!!!!!
Thanks!!!!!!!!!!