Planning Before Engagement

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
1801 posts
Buzzing bee

My SO and I have talked about the future before, both joking and serious. When I was a BM last year, I helped plan this and that for her, and in the back of my mind I would think….hmmm….I want X when I get married. I want to get married here. The cake to look like this…my SO and I recently broke up for a bit, and got back together,  because I needed to go back to school, and to work on some things. He told me that hes waiting on me to be financially stable to propose to me, so I’ve already had the mindset that its happening. Cause I know its gonna happen,  sooner or later, cause im getting closer to done with school and been hunting for a new job in my major dept. 

So no, its not weird, cause Im almost doing the same thing you are. And congrats on your future engagement 🙂 

Post # 3
97 posts
Worker bee

I would say you Almost count as being engaged anyway to be honest.  I don’t think it’s weird at all.

Post # 4
41 posts

I dont think its weird at all. Are you planning on having friends and family help you plan? I think some people might find it weird (for example, your mom) but that all depends on your relationship with them, but you can always say you are engaged, but just havent picked out the ring yet. As for vendors, as long as you have the money for the down payment, I dont think they will be to concerned when you get/got “engaged”. 



Post # 5
8388 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

FutureBrown:  Planning a wedding before you get engaged is a little weird, but planning a wedding before you get your ring is totally okay.  I would consider you to be engaged (i.e. you and your SO know you’re getting married to each other) and just waiting for your ring.  Congrats 🙂

Post # 6
7920 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I researched a ton after he asked my parents but before my proposal and essentially had everything planned BUT I did not place deposits on anything. I just had my vendors picked. 

unless theres a red a major time crunch I would suggest shooting for Fall 2015 and just waiting till you’re officially engaged to book. 

Post # 7
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

FutureBrown:  If you are planning your wedding, you are engaged. But how are you going to put down deposits on vendors if your fiance can’t pay for a ring yet?

Post # 8
6789 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

FutureBrown:  I’m of the opinion that if you are planning a wedding that means you’re engaged. So congrats! 

Post # 9
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

FutureBrown:  I am now engaged, but before that happened, we had talked much about marriage and I knew it was coming. I went ahead and started planning and couldn’t be happier! My thought process is: May as well get the stressful stuff out the way before you’re engaged that way you can enjoy the enagement! Also, we knew we wanted to have a nice wedding on a budget, so if I wanted good deals I needed to snatch them up while they were offered.

Before being engaged, I bought my wedding dress, bridesmaids dresses, made guest list & mock seating chart that can be tweaked, bought our invitations, stuff for centerpieces, and even more! No regrets here. It’s made life easier for me.

Post # 10
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Is your FI willing to check out venues with you and have you settled on a wedding budget together?  Do you know who is paying for what?  If you book a venue, will all your VIP guests (like parents) be available?  I wouldn’t put down deposits without consulting your FI and families first, but otherwise, good luck planning!

Post # 11
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

FutureBrown:  I wouldn’t start any planning before we are officially engaged. You don’t need a ring to be engaged either. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable planning before an engagment. but thats me. 

Post # 12
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I researched vendors and had a secret pinterest board for ideas before we were engaged. Didn’t put down any deposits until after though. I had the main stuff booked about a month after getting engaged.

Post # 13
716 posts
Busy bee

Are you confident in what your fiance means by “start planning”?  Does that mean go ahead and start thinking about what you might like or go ahead and book a venue, etc.?  Personally, I think you’re spoiling your engagement by planning your entire wedding in advance.  Also, it will be more difficult to coordinate with your fiance, which may lead to resentment on his part.  Constantly talking about wedding plans may spoil his appetite to propose and doing things without talking to him may make him feel left out.  I would wait for him to propose and then plan your wedding, even if it means a Spring 2016 wedding instead of a Fall 2015 wedding.

Post # 14
3099 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I knew my proposal was coming for about six months. In that time, I researched like crazy! FI and talked about what our budget would most likely be. I made a spreadsheet and started keeping track of everything and rating my finds. By the time I got engaged, I had a top three for everything. We were able to book our venue two weeks after getting engaged, our photographer three weeks after getting engaged, etc. It cut down on a lot of our stress. Right now, we have everything booked and planned and are just saving. It’s so wonderful to be completely stress free. 

For your situation, as long as you and your (soon to be) FI are okay with it, start looking around and start putting down deposits.

Post # 15
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Does your BF/FI know that planning involves putting deposits on venues?  Would he be comfortable putting money down on a place even though he doesn’t yet have the money for a ring?  Around here, you need more than 4 months for the popular venues, especially if you’re having a big wedding.  Does he consider you guys engaged even though he hasn’t gotten a ring yet?

I think you need to talk and tell him planning means putting money down.  Most guys don’t realize how long it takes to plan and he may have no idea you can’t get your dream venue in a couple of months, especially during the spring.

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