Post # 1
So I have been shopping for rings with SO, but our plan is to wait until at least July to get engaged because SO’s brother is a Groomothra and demands his “spotlight” for his special season or whatevs. So he can dance around in his sparkly ballerina slippers and be the center of attention for a solid six months before we steal all his thunder, because he is also Thor, and it is perfectly reasonable for him to worry about such things.
Then I want to get married in April 2014. So with it being April currently and all, we have talked about setting some appointments to go look at venues so we can see what they’ll look like at this time next year. I’m feeling like a huge big weirdo though for doing ANY wedding planning before he’s put a ring on it though. I am making him make the appointments. He has NO idea what I’m talking about, but this kind of makes me feel like I’m the crazy girl in a Kate Hudson movie photoshopping our pictures together to see what our babies would look like after the first date. And I am NOT that girl! I’m terrible at photoshop. Also it kind of makes me sick and dizzy to think about spending the whole entire rest of my life with someone. 40+ years! Gaa!
Is anyone else dealing with anything like this? I guess it’s externally imposed waiting? Are we crazy to be looking already? I’m not going to put down any deposits or anything until it’s official because that just seems like too much, but then I also kind of worry that maybe we should since we’ll only have 9 months to plan.
Also, would it be completely weird if I wear my grandma’s old e-ring when we go venue shopping? I feel like it would look super strange if I show up with no ring. Thoughts?
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
First off — What’s a groomothra?
If you KNOW you’re getting engaged I don’t think it’s Kate Hudson movie crazy to start planning but clearly you think there’s something wrong with doing so if you won’t go to an appointment without a ring.
Personally, I would wait until getting engaged. But I had enough time given the date we wanted and knew the ring was in DH’s closet 🙂
Post # 4
@TrousseauHorse: I have my entire wedding planned, booked and partially paid for; we aren’t official yet nor will we be until around Christmas of this year lol. Aside from my sister and 2 friends no one knows that we are getting married. We made the decision and looked at a few venues; at this point we realized how quickly things book up (we are getting married August 23, 2014) places were already booking into 2015! So we started booking.
I went to appointments with vendors with no engagement ring, heck I even told the manager at my reception location we weren’t officially engaged yet! You and your SO have made the choice to get married, there’s nothing strange about that and since joining Weddingbee I realize there are a lot more people who are doing this whole process backwards too.
Don’t over think it; do what feels right for you. And congrats either way!
Post # 5
Haha you’re funny 🙂
Honestly since you are engaged in the sense of planning a wedding, I would just own it. Go and look at venues or whatever totally unashamed.
My guess is these types of folks know better than to scrutinize your ring finger anyway – making you feel awkward is not a good way for them to get your money. It’s totally normal to not have a ring at first, or even at all.
However 9 months is also PLENTY imo.
Post # 6
hi I don’t think you are crazy as my now FI gave me the go ahead long before we were engage to start planning and I was glad I did as things do book up quickly. my dream venue had only two dates left and we were lucky to get it. I say go for it,
Post # 7
My SO was talking today about how we need to start saving for a wedding. I was like o really? last time I checked I was not properly asked lol. I was like no ring no planning. He is the one who wants to start planning. I don’t understand if he knows he wants to get married and is looking at planning….wheres the ring???
Post # 8
Haha don’t stress! It’s totally reasonable to be planning at this stage. Heck, I’ve been planning for a few months and I won’t be engaged until later this year and will be having a long engagement (like 3 years long)! I get a little too excited sometimes – it’s been all online planning, please dont judge me haha!
Anyway, back to you! If you want to start planning, then go ahead and plan. Even without a ring, at this stage you will be engaged soon and a year is a good time to give yourself to plan. Maybe you’ll find the venue of your dreams and it could potentially book up if you leave it until you’re officially engaged. Please don’t stress out, this is meant to be an exciting, yet sometimes daunting, time in your life. Enjoy it 🙂
Post # 9
DH and I decided at the end of Jan 2010 that we were going to get engaged before my lease ended June 2010 and move in together. I wanted to get married during the Fall of 2010. DH thought that he could propose in June and I could start planning then–silly boys!
He gave me the go ahead to start planning. In March I put down the deposit on our venue and bought my dress (it even came in before he proposed because it only took 10 days). I think I had most of the stuff planned by then (maybe even met with photographers) by the time he officially proposed in April.
I say go ahead and start looking, planning and putting deposits down. No one really realizes how soon things get booked up and how much effort it takes.
Post # 10
I think really the big problem is that I’ve been through this before with guys talking about rings and being married, but then obviously it never happened. It never got QUITE this far along to where we have made multiple trips to the ring store and made actual firm plans to go see a venue, but he’s definitely not the first boy to walk me into the ring store, if you know what I’m saying. And he still hasn’t bought the ring, which is partly because I haven’t picked one yet. But it’s easy to talk about a theoretical future. Until I see him write a check that makes him woozy, how do I know whether he means it or whether he’s just dabbling in the idea of maybe being married some day? It makes me nervous that it seems like we just sort of randomly started talking about a wedding like it’s really going to happen, but it doesn’t appear that he’s put a lot of thought into it, you know? I feel like that’s what the proposal process is for men – they decide to start saving, they keep saving, they buy the ring, maybe they go through some formal rituals of asking permission, they plan a proposal, and all that time they’re building up the actual intent to commit to a marriage. I don’t know that he’s done that.
Post # 11
Not sure if I actually made a point in there! I think my point is I’m afraid if I start planning before I get the ring I’ll jinx it. Which is ridiculous, but I think that’s where my thought process is taking me.
Post # 12
We’re doing this (we have to wait to get formally engaged as well) and it is going well, we’re going to finalize and pay for our venue on a trip in two weeks! We are not getting engaged until this Christmas. Neither of us want to plan a large wedding in 8 months.
I say as long as he is on board, do it. You’re engaged if you’re planning a wedding, the ring is just a public symbol of that.
I had those fears at first when he was like “lets pick a date” I was like ‘oh god people are going to think I’m nuts’ but so far, nobody has even batted an eyelash and I have gotten over the fear that he’s going to change his mind.
Post # 13
@mchitt329: I think Groomothra is the male equivalent of Bridezilla. Godzilla battled Mothra in a movie. You are clearly not a nerd 🙂 I’m not either… my SO says I’m “marrying into the geek community” and gets very excited when I get references like this.
@TrousseauHorse: That first paragraph made me laugh so hard my SO came in to check on me and I had to hide WeddingBee!!! And girl… don’t worry about planning already. I confessed to a group of bridesmaids a few weeks ago that I was planning my wedding (even calling venues and researching DOCs) without a ring and all the married ladies were like “You HAVE TO! Weddings take FOREVER to plan and you’ll most likely only have a year and it’s all so overwhelming!!!!” So I feel better about it now.
Post # 14
@MexiPino: Yes! Thank you for getting my Mothra reference 🙂 I’m trying hard to get people to start saying Groomothra – if they want to call us Bridezillas it at least needs to be equal opportunity!! I’ll be marrying a big nerd as well. We are going to “cosplay” at a “con” in two weeks. God help us all…
Thank you everyone SO MUCH for the supportive words. I told one friend who will be my MOH that we are ring shopping and I am driving her nuts already. She is the one who referred me to the Bee! She was like just go on there, there are people there who want to hear you say all the same things over and over 🙂
So do you ladies think I can say anything to my mother, or should I wait? We definitely do not have the BFF type of relationship, we are straight off the Mayflower WASPs who recoil in distaste at the display of all human emotions. I didn’t even tell her I was dating this guy until it had been almost a year. But I kind of want to check on whether we have any family rings I don’t know about. And it would be nice to give her a “hey, this year is going to be expensive” heads up. But I’m not sure how I would phrase it.
Post # 15
@TrousseauHorse: LOL Your friend is brilliant. WeddingBee is the perfect outlet for your crazy!!
I would give mom a heads up. Perhaps you could have it letterpressed and hand delievered so as not to offend her WASP-iness. 😛 Seriously, though, it sounds like you’re going to have about a 6 month “official” engagement. That’s going to freak her out because it’s too much planning. Better to get her in on it now.
Post # 16
I personally could never do this. It’s too weird. When you’re making the first appointments, everyone is gushing about you being newly engaged and asking questions how it happened and when and IDK I can’t imagine doing that all without being engaged. If you’re plannign to just say we aren’t engaged yet then that will nip it in the bud, but I definitely wouldn’t recommend wearing a ring – it’ll just welcome in questions you can’t yet answer.
We wanted a fall 2012 wedding but do to some logistical issues didn’t get engaged until Feb 2012 so fall was out. I understand the wanting to plan before engaged so you get your dream date, but at the end of the day it wasn’t a big deal to sacrifice the date and season and move our wedding to march 2013.
It’s so exciting doing all that stuff right after you get engaged, I’d just hate having that excitment taken away because you already did half the planning before you got your ring. That’s just me though.