Planning before you are engaged?

posted 2 years ago in Logistics
Post # 2
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Consultette:  i never really had a problem with telling people we wern’t engaged before i started planning. i had the dress, ring picked out, venue, photographer, band, bakery booked before he poped the question. we are having our wedding on a long weekend – sept 5 – so i had to make sure the big things were booked (deposits put down too) as i was anxious that they’d be already booked up ahead of time. as it was – the venue had only one day left in 2015 which we took so its not as if we had much of a choice on date! lol. it was weird planning without a ring as all the vendors was checking out my ringless hand as some sign of bride-to-be ID. no one really asked why we’re planning it before we were engaged. i just said – we already have the date, why wait? vendors get busy, people get busy, i dont want to wait later than i have to if i already know what i want. i am afraid of NOT getting what i wanted if i waited too long. besides, you dont have to tell vendors you’re not ‘formally engaged’ – i never got asked anyways. i only got asked how we met. thats about it for ‘personal questions’… so i wouldnt worry!

but now that the big things are booked, the ring is on the finger, i can sit back and relax and focus on the smaller stuff instead of running around. i donno if my answer helped you or not. lol 

Post # 4
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Consultette:  meh – dont worry about a story perse.. you’ll be fine. i think all they want to hear about when you talk with them is how much money you plan on spending at their venue! lol. they hear ‘cha-ching’ not about the ring lol. my FI and i knew the size of the invite list already (his side is big Ukranian family so we had to find a venue that could accomodate over 200ppl), so we’re limited right there. then we don’t like hotels ballrooms so that eliminated other venues as well. so that left us really with 3 places (that were NOT golf courses). we checked out two, loved the first, had no choice on the date available (wide open for 2016 though!), so we thought about it. realized that another couple was looking same place, same date, so we went back and put our deposit down. 

i guess it depends on where you are, size of your guest list, time of year, options available. i say if you KNOW the date you want to get married, book it. they SAY that you’re fine availability wise – but once someone comes in with a deposit, then its gone. they wont call you back to say anything, you’ll find out its gone once you call back to book then. then you might be screwed. so dont worry about the questions, figure out your budget, pick a date then start from there. the rest will just fall into place!

oh and if it REALLY bugs you to not have a ring on when you see these vendors in person, just throw on a pretty little CZ ring or something cute on the finger. with all the different style, options, shapes etc of rings these days, they wont know the difference! lol

Post # 5
Member
1528 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

We’re not officially engaged and we’ve already started the planning 🙂 I think it just makes sense if you’re both on the same page and have a definite timeline set in place. For us, there’s no way we’d be able to save enough if we waited until after the ring was on my fingers, so we’re starting our savings now. Same with the venue. Even more than a year out, our venue starts scheduling couples up to 18 months in advance, and as we’re a little particular about our date we really needed to jump on that asap. Plus, general brainstorming about decor and centerpieces and whatnot is just plain fun and gives us crafty things to do on the weekend. Certain things, like my dress, I am waiting on because we don’t have a huge rush for it, but I can understand why some brides might need to.

Post # 6
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Our Lady Scapular and Inn on the Twenty

We did this. I was pushing marriage his excuse was no money, work is unstable, house needs to be paid off. Well lo and behold he was offered an assignment which also offered more money. I said to him no excuses now and I proceeded to plan our wedding. I had the dress picked out, we had church and reception venue picked out before I got the ring. I also wore the ring before he officially proposed. Looking back now he said our wedding day was the best day of his life and he is so glad we didn’t prolong it. The vendors didn’t care at all that we weren’t officially engaged, priest didn’t care either. Hhusband’s family was shocked when we announced our engagement and said everything was booked.

Post # 7
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

Consultette:  I started picking out vendors but I didn’t tell anyone but my soon to be fiance. It’s not abnormal.

Post # 8
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’m kinda-sorta doing that now. We’ve discussed an engagement that is coming soon, but I don’t really want to wait an extra year to get married when it can feasibly be done in 6-9 months. Depending on when he finally pops the question, it’s going to be a mad dash to get things in order. So, I’m starting to do some research now to determine what we can or cannot do.

 

I just want to be able to jump right in with planning once the proposal happens. I’ll need to have 3-4 places in mind for us to check availability and make a decision.

<br />I haven’t told many people that I’m doing this, just a few close friends. I don’t want it to be a big deal because I don’t want any added pressure on him to propose. 

Post # 9
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would not book anything till you are officially engaged but research and Pinterest your heart out. If you two are openly planning your wedding, then you’re engaged, just waiting on the ring. 

Post # 11
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Garden

My boyfriend has had the ring for a few months and still hasn’t proposed even though we plan on getting married next summer. (I’m a teacher, so it has to be in the summer.) I had a major freakout on him about how everything would be booked up, so he agreed to do the major things. We have booked our venue and photographer now, and neither of them were critical. The wedding coordinator at the venue didn’t even ask about the proposal or lack of engagment ring. The photographer was curious if I was officially engaged because I knew her all through college, but she seemed completely understanding of why I was booking everything before I was officially engaged. My advice is to book it! I feel like this huge worry has been lifted off my shoulders and I can just relax and will be able to enjoy the proposal when it finally comes. 

Post # 12
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

That’s what I’m doing now too. We talked about how we are very limited on dates (he has a lot of family from out of state, his mother being one of them) and we wanted the fall and a long weekend: Columbus Day weekend 2015 it is! lol

We booked the venue and I’ve designed the invitation and programs (I’m a crazy person, I know lol).

I’ve found a few dresses and pinned them to pinterest for me and my BMs. I figured out centerpieces and a few other minor details.

Just waiting for that ring that in his closet in the office!! lol

Post # 14
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I did research into vendors although I didn’t contact any. Also I had a private pinterest board prior to the wedding.

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