Post # 1
Has anyone else started planning their wedding before he even proposed? We both are in agreement that we would like to get married before next summer. We have a lot of family that would need to travel in for the ceremony – my sister got married over Memorial Day weekend so sometime around Easter seems like it would make the most sense for us (we have a lot of kids and teachers in the family – coordinating with spring break seems like a good choice since Memorial Day was already used, thank goodness he doesn’t have any siblings that have been married so I don’t need to consider their dates too). Luckily, we have decided the wedding will be held in So Cal – so weather should be good.
The timeline even now is shorter than a lot of brides feel comfortable with, but I can’t shake how weird it feels to be doing all this research myself. I know he’s trying to plan something special to propose and don’t want to put pressure on him – but I feel really weird doing all this without him and don’t know how to have this dialogue with other people. He knows I want to plan a lot of the wedding myself (super Type-A) and has said that he doesn’t have an opinion about much aside from timing – and we are both in agreement there.
Have any of you Bees started planning the logistics before he proposed? How did you tell vendors? I’m not going to pay any deposits until he pops this question, but part of what makes me feel weird is that everyone seems to want to ask about how he asked, etc. even when I am just researching things. Is there any way to plan it without needing to tell everyone and their mother that you aren’t engaged yet? The responsiveness always seems to change the minute they find out that we are not “formally” engaged.
Post # 2
Consultette: i never really had a problem with telling people we wern’t engaged before i started planning. i had the dress, ring picked out, venue, photographer, band, bakery booked before he poped the question. we are having our wedding on a long weekend – sept 5 – so i had to make sure the big things were booked (deposits put down too) as i was anxious that they’d be already booked up ahead of time. as it was – the venue had only one day left in 2015 which we took so its not as if we had much of a choice on date! lol. it was weird planning without a ring as all the vendors was checking out my ringless hand as some sign of bride-to-be ID. no one really asked why we’re planning it before we were engaged. i just said – we already have the date, why wait? vendors get busy, people get busy, i dont want to wait later than i have to if i already know what i want. i am afraid of NOT getting what i wanted if i waited too long. besides, you dont have to tell vendors you’re not ‘formally engaged’ – i never got asked anyways. i only got asked how we met. thats about it for ‘personal questions’… so i wouldnt worry!
but now that the big things are booked, the ring is on the finger, i can sit back and relax and focus on the smaller stuff instead of running around. i donno if my answer helped you or not. lol
Post # 3
ScubaSiren: That did – I am doing a lot of inquiring via e-mail and phone, so this may be their way of them checking my bride-to-be-ID. It’s really annoying – all of these questions have me tempted to make up a story – but then I’m in deep water if it doesn’t jive with the real one and comes up down the line.
You must have had quite the venue picked out! Does that really happen that they sell out so quickly? My sister had a beast of a time booking her venue – but her problem was the size of the wedding and very small radius she wanted it to be held in. I don’t recall her having any problems with dates and am now wondering if that is something I should be more worried about. I’ve given a general time frame (about 3 weeks) that I would like it around and no one has mentioned anything being wrong availability-wise. Now I’m worried that once I pick and venue and a date they won’t jive.
Post # 4
Consultette: meh – dont worry about a story perse.. you’ll be fine. i think all they want to hear about when you talk with them is how much money you plan on spending at their venue! lol. they hear ‘cha-ching’ not about the ring lol. my FI and i knew the size of the invite list already (his side is big Ukranian family so we had to find a venue that could accomodate over 200ppl), so we’re limited right there. then we don’t like hotels ballrooms so that eliminated other venues as well. so that left us really with 3 places (that were NOT golf courses). we checked out two, loved the first, had no choice on the date available (wide open for 2016 though!), so we thought about it. realized that another couple was looking same place, same date, so we went back and put our deposit down.
i guess it depends on where you are, size of your guest list, time of year, options available. i say if you KNOW the date you want to get married, book it. they SAY that you’re fine availability wise – but once someone comes in with a deposit, then its gone. they wont call you back to say anything, you’ll find out its gone once you call back to book then. then you might be screwed. so dont worry about the questions, figure out your budget, pick a date then start from there. the rest will just fall into place!
oh and if it REALLY bugs you to not have a ring on when you see these vendors in person, just throw on a pretty little CZ ring or something cute on the finger. with all the different style, options, shapes etc of rings these days, they wont know the difference! lol
Post # 5
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
We’re not officially engaged and we’ve already started the planning 🙂 I think it just makes sense if you’re both on the same page and have a definite timeline set in place. For us, there’s no way we’d be able to save enough if we waited until after the ring was on my fingers, so we’re starting our savings now. Same with the venue. Even more than a year out, our venue starts scheduling couples up to 18 months in advance, and as we’re a little particular about our date we really needed to jump on that asap. Plus, general brainstorming about decor and centerpieces and whatnot is just plain fun and gives us crafty things to do on the weekend. Certain things, like my dress, I am waiting on because we don’t have a huge rush for it, but I can understand why some brides might need to.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2014 - Our Lady Scapular and Inn on the Twenty
We did this. I was pushing marriage his excuse was no money, work is unstable, house needs to be paid off. Well lo and behold he was offered an assignment which also offered more money. I said to him no excuses now and I proceeded to plan our wedding. I had the dress picked out, we had church and reception venue picked out before I got the ring. I also wore the ring before he officially proposed. Looking back now he said our wedding day was the best day of his life and he is so glad we didn’t prolong it. The vendors didn’t care at all that we weren’t officially engaged, priest didn’t care either. Hhusband’s family was shocked when we announced our engagement and said everything was booked.
Post # 7
Consultette: I started picking out vendors but I didn’t tell anyone but my soon to be fiance. It’s not abnormal.
Post # 8
I’m kinda-sorta doing that now. We’ve discussed an engagement that is coming soon, but I don’t really want to wait an extra year to get married when it can feasibly be done in 6-9 months. Depending on when he finally pops the question, it’s going to be a mad dash to get things in order. So, I’m starting to do some research now to determine what we can or cannot do.
I just want to be able to jump right in with planning once the proposal happens. I’ll need to have 3-4 places in mind for us to check availability and make a decision.
<br />I haven’t told many people that I’m doing this, just a few close friends. I don’t want it to be a big deal because I don’t want any added pressure on him to propose.
Post # 9
I would not book anything till you are officially engaged but research and Pinterest your heart out. If you two are openly planning your wedding, then you’re engaged, just waiting on the ring.
Post # 10
Thank you, it is such a relief to hear I’m not the only one. i was talking with my cousin and my close friend – both of them make me feel abnormal. Can’t talk to my sister about it since her proposal came out of the blue (thus, she hadn’t started pre-planning).
Perhaps I just need to be a bit less passive about this (like check on exact availability for specific dates instead of “well, I’m thinking somewhere in this neighborhood”).
I’m trying not to bother him too much until he asks since I don’t want him to feel pressured – but maybe we should at least arrive on one or two specific dates and I can work in the background with that. It sure would be funny to tell all aunts “we were engaged on Saturday and the wedding was planned by Sunday”.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2015 - Garden
My boyfriend has had the ring for a few months and still hasn’t proposed even though we plan on getting married next summer. (I’m a teacher, so it has to be in the summer.) I had a major freakout on him about how everything would be booked up, so he agreed to do the major things. We have booked our venue and photographer now, and neither of them were critical. The wedding coordinator at the venue didn’t even ask about the proposal or lack of engagment ring. The photographer was curious if I was officially engaged because I knew her all through college, but she seemed completely understanding of why I was booking everything before I was officially engaged. My advice is to book it! I feel like this huge worry has been lifted off my shoulders and I can just relax and will be able to enjoy the proposal when it finally comes.
Post # 12
That’s what I’m doing now too. We talked about how we are very limited on dates (he has a lot of family from out of state, his mother being one of them) and we wanted the fall and a long weekend: Columbus Day weekend 2015 it is! lol
We booked the venue and I’ve designed the invitation and programs (I’m a crazy person, I know lol).
I’ve found a few dresses and pinned them to pinterest for me and my BMs. I figured out centerpieces and a few other minor details.
Just waiting for that ring that in his closet in the office!! lol
Post # 13
Kaites4: OMG you know where it is?!?! How are you not going insane??
I keep stalking the “recently purchased rings” on the sites I sent him to see if any of my “suggestions” pops up. I’m not sure if this makes me crazy or if there might be some sort of delay before they actually post them (just because there are people like me).
Post # 14
I did research into vendors although I didn’t contact any. Also I had a private pinterest board prior to the wedding.
Post # 15
I think I have the dress picked out, I think I have it down to a couple venues, I think I have a general timeline. Food/cake/etc. I don’t really care about.
I don’t think I’ll be booking a DJ since we have some cousins in the 13-15 year old age range – I’d like to give them control of an iPod for the dancing/etc. portion since putting them in the bridal party would be chaos. I have a cousin that is an inspirational speaker for veterans coming back from overseas and I would really like him to be emcee if his mom agrees – he has been a huge part of my life and I want him to have a special role, but he is also a double amputee and walking/maneuvering for long periods of time is very difficult for him since he is 13, growing like a beanstalk, and constantly breaking in new prostetics (so junior groomsman to escort his sister as junior bridesmaid would be out). My aunt used to be a florist and loves doing arrangements – so luckily, most if not all of the floral is handled since I already know she INSISTED on doing my sister’s wedding.
I used to do modeling and one of my favorite photographers transitioned from beauty/fashion to news reporting and weddings – hopefully I can book him at a fair market price and don’t really want to shop photographers since I know he does a GREAT job and will give me some beautiful fashion-inspired shots as well as awesome candid ones. He’s not someone I’d invite to the wedding otherwise, so I wouldn’t feel guilty asking and am happy to throw business his way.
My main thing is that I want people we care about being involved in the festivities – do you think I run the risk of having the wedding turn chaotic with that many non-professionals leading the festivities (emcee, DJs, etc.)? I made a list of everyone I would want (and everyone I would think he would want) in the wedding – it’s ridiculously long since we both come from large families – do you think I can pull off having roles for 10-15 family members (not including our parents who will obviously be involved)?