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I'm in the same boat. We have the date, the invitations, the flowers, the reception, the dress, and suit. As soon as we tie down the ceremony details and the music we should be good...oh, wait, there's that other little detail of him actually asking me. We decided last year we were getting married this fall...Septemberish, so he had pently of time. Then we found out in December/January that he is being deployed around that time so we moved the wedding to April. And I still haven't been asked.
It is very weird planning a wedding and the first thing people ask for is to see the ring and to know how he propsed, then you have to tell them that he hasn't yet. To some extent it doesn't feel "real". However, we printed a mock up of our invites this weekend and seeing it, on paper, made it very real all of the sudden.
Yep I'm in the same boat. We talked about it, decided on it together (it's a mutual decision, ya know?!) and even picked out the ring together. I don't have it yet, because he wishes to surprise me with it, which is sweet). The wedding's going to wait till we're done with school, so we have over a year... but we're already talking details and locations and guests etc.
at least I am not alone. What is sort of frustrating is that 2 friends have since gotten engaged and are planning their wedding and both dates are BEFORE our wedding. I know that everyone has their own timetable on what is right for them, and I know that what we are doing is right for us. It is just hard to see my friends walk down the aisle before me (KWIM?)
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Oh yes, we planned much of the wedding before we had the ring. We don't have an exact "engagement" date because it's happened in phases. What's important is the wedding date and our commitment to each other from this point forward, IMHO.
I don't think there's any harm in planning! It would be a little weird to plan details without being in a committed relationship...! Besides, if you know the date, there's no point in waiting when you can get alot accomplished. No one wants to save things till the last minute anyway!
I, too, was in that boat. We had actually talked about marriage for a while. And then I told him that I need a year in advance to plan the wedding (we were long distance). So we pulled out a planner and picked the best date. Then when I came home, we went venue shopping and put a deposit down. I had to wait 6 months after we picked our date, venue, photog, and videographer before he finally proposed. And yes, it is frustrating because I couldn't tell my friends and it's no fun planning a wedding by yourself, let me tell you. We got invited to 12 weddings this year and thank goodness nobody picked our date or I would have gone psycho on the boy for taking so long to propose.
Are you allowed to tell people about the wedding if he hasn't proposed yet? I'm sure he'll do it soon!
One of my friends was in the exact same situation...she had the date/venue/dress/etc picked out, and they had even picked out the ring, but he wanted to wait to give it to her until sometime when she'd be really surprised. He ended up proposing officially eventually, and she was thrilled.
I'm sure its coming...don't feel weird planning, you've already decided everything together. The ring isn't what makes you engaged, its the decisions you've made with your boyfriend that count!
this seems to be a new big trend... instead of the guy deciding when- You both decide. I actually like it, I feel like it's a big step for women.
My boyfriend of one year and I had been talking about getting married since about the middle of the summer. He told me to start looking at rings to get an idea of what I liked and then he and I went shopping together. We narrowed it down to three rings. He went back to the jeweler without me and bought one. I didn't know which one he bought-I just knew that he had one. That was in October. He wanted to wait to surprise me with it. Well, family holiday came and went with Thanksgiving (I had visions of a ring stuck in the cool whip on my pumpkin pie) and also Christmas (a dark room with a lit Christmas tree-romantic-was the vision for that one) and still, no proposal! He waited until we went away for our one year anniversary in January to pop the question-I was totally surprised and totally touched. He waited until the perfect moment, I turned around and he was down on both knees with an open ring box and proposed. It was perfect. All of that being said-we had picked a date, gotten bids on everything from florists, to photographers, etc.-were "penciled in" with our church, the florist & photographer. All of that pre-planning has made the wedding planning in the past three weeks since getting engaged very easy and alot of fun! I also have to say, as a second time bride (this is a 2nd marriage for both of us) and that I have children (5 year old twins) it is MUCH more enjoyable planning the 2nd time around-it's about what my fiance and I want-no committee decisions on anything. It's really been alot of fun to do-we've even decided on chocolate cupcakes on cupcake stands for the groom's cake-the bakery was thrilled to do something different!
We are planning, have set the date, and even have some of the centerpieces already and the card pockets for the invitations (I was able to get an amazing deal). I know that he just bought the ring and is waiting for that perfect moment, which I hope is soon!! I keep joking to him that I want some "birthday bling" as my birthday is coming up in a few weeks.
I have known for over six months we're getting engaged. It's been told to our families we're getting married this year, and we are firm about this!
He already has the ring..and we're going off on our engagimoon in March!
Oh, I'm an encore bride too! I'm a good planner, loves design and decorating so this is anything but stressful for me!
We will do a late summer/early fall wedding. My grandparents wedding anniversary (their SEVENTIETH) is this year so we want to commemorate our date with their anniversary and to combine both celebrations!
I have purchased my gorgeous wedding shoes though. That I have done. My sister has already picked out the bridesmaids dresses (little black dress from j crew) and I have narrowed down to a few dresses/looks for me. Colors picked long ago. Feel designed months back.
He knows that I require and will need at least four and a half to five months at a minimum! I have info from four places we love and the final choice of venue will depend on the health of my grandmother.
I am in a similar situation, too! With the economy the way it is, this is probably not uncommon. Finances & emotions don't always match up!
On Jan. 4th my boyfriend & I decided to get married. It was a wonderful & emotional time for us, and I count that as my "engagement." But I was unsure at first since there was no ring (we picked it out three weeks ago) yet we were ready to set dates & start planning, etc.
I asked him about it and he said he already feels "engaged" (he likes calling me his "fiancee!"), so the whole one-knee thing seemed like a formality to him. I agreed, but I didn't want to take that moment away from him if he wanted it. He says that when the ring arrives, he'll make "something formal" out of it.
In the meantime, we've looked at reception places, set a date and formally announced it to his parents, and we're flying to CA next month to visit my family. It makes sense to me that engagement is a process rather than a single, shocking moment.
I don't think that's strange at all! I was wedding planning before I had the ring on my finger, although my vision did change after it was there and I realized that my vision and my budget had to met somewhere in the middle.
I began wedding planning as soon as I knew my husband had the ring, even though he didn't propose until 3 months after he got it! I booked our venue over two months before he ended up proposing. I think you know in your heart if it is the real thing, and if it is then go ahead and start planning.
I also feel engaged as well, even though he actually hasn't proposed. He initiated the whole ring talk in November and we've been discussing it ever since. As a joint (financial) decision, we've decided not to get engaged until the Spring ... aka buy the ring and start wedding planning... but he tells everyone that we're getting married! I had to ask him to hold off because when we get engaged, we won't have anyone to tell. I'm just enjoying the pre-engagement wedding planning stage. It's just me daydreaming about it all at this point!!
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Not to sound crazy but I had almost everything planned before he popped the question :) So don't let it stress you out too much.
I'm in exactly the same boat! We've been talking for months about getting married in the summer of 2009. He even asked me how long of an engagement was appropriate. We've looked at rings. I've been expecting the ring and proposal for at least a couple of months now. Around the first of the year we decided to go ahead and set a date so I could start planning. All of the big stuff is done.....ceremony, recpetion, catering, flowers, my dress, music, etc., except for the "official" proposal!!!
@tabby -- I agree with you that it's frustrating when people ask to see the ring and want to know how he proposed! And you're right, it almost doesn't seem real yet! I'm crossing my fingers for a Valentine's Day proposal!
My FI actually wanted to plan our wedding before we were officially engaged. He brought the idea up last May and I was against it (traditionalist, I guess!) If we had done it his way, we would be getting married this summer. Because we waited until he actually proposed (November) we are not getting married until October. It all worked out ok and I think that you just have to be comfortable with your decision....and to nicely speak up if you no longer feel comfortable with the present arrangement!
I'm in the same boat. I've been dating my boyfriend now for 6 years,( i'm 22 and he's 23) and we have been talking about getting married. It feels like i'm not truly engaged because of the fact that he hasn't asked me, and he hasn't gave me a ring...We've set a date and are even looking at venues ect. But i don't have a ring, but we're planning on buying them this christmas...Our date is 10/10/2010, which is a while away, but he see's no need to actually "plan" anything. He says that we shouldn't plan anything for another 6 months...It's driving me insane, I want him to be involved, but he doesn't seem very interested, and he doesn't understand that in some cases you need to plan further in advanced then other things... I'm just lost all by myself...sorry this is getting into way more then what this thread is about... I just feel like i'm pushing, but if i don't push then it's not going to happen... I just don't know what in the world is happening....Grrrr...I'm stressed! I'm stressed! Help i'm a sinking ship!
Well don't stress. Just communicate with him.
Today I had a talk with my guy and we both are sick and tired of the 2 houses thing and I am unofficially engaged (to me it doesn't count just my opinion, till the ring is on the hand officially) and I will refuse to finalize one darn thing until then. Today he was trying to figure out how l get out of the contract on my house (I am doing a lease purchase and I require giving only a 3 month notice as I did that on the front end proactively when I signed it) and what we want to do about that.
Our big trip is in less than a month...and Ms. Sparkley had best be sitting on left hand on the return flight. Sorry. I have pms.
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Ditto with the PMS, that's why i'm freaking stupid horrible hormones! lol. I understand why he says that we shouldn't start planning, that we can just look at different things ect, and he agree's we should only really put in stone the venue place, which we're going to look at this saturday...But it's hard not to "plan" anything
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I'm in the same boat, too! We went to look at rings back in October, and I knew he was up to something because he and the store employee spoke alone for ten minutes. But then the months passed and I kept trying to not think about it. All of my friends got married last year or are getting married this year, and he told me he thinks a September wedding would be good. We both agree on a 6-ish month engagement. Yet I'm still waiting for the ring.
FINALLY on Valentine's Day, he told me that he had wanted to propose back in October, but the reason it has been taking so long is because the ring and diamond he chose take five months to order. He wants to have the ring when he asks me and make it special. So that means if he ordered it back when we first looked at the store, it may be ready sometime in March. I hate waiting, but I am so excited that it is really happening soon! And in my mind, I've already done a big part of the planning, though I refuse to put deposits down or tell anyone other than my closest friend until he officially asks me. :) (Good to know I'm not alone in this. I lurked on the Knot's "not yet engaged" board, and everyone there would have snapped at me for a post like this!)
Girl, my FI did the same thing. He wanted to surprise me. So after talking abou tit ans doing some pre-planning I fianlly got my proposal and then we changed eveything! I mean everything - date, location, time, colors. So have fun with it!
My boyfriend and I picked out the ring and he ordered it, but it wasn't ready before he deployed. I told him I needed to start planning when he was gone and while I was in KC after Christmas to visit family. It was a whirlwind week of planning, but we got my dress, the church, the priest, the reception site, and picked the date. I felt weird planning without a ring, but it worked out. It is incredibly difficult to plan while my man is halfway around the world! It's also difficult planning a wedding when I'm 3 states north of our wedding location. I'm basically engaged, but I really look forward to having that official title. He gets home soon!!
I'm doing the same thing. We call each other boyance and girlance. To us we are engaged. We have booked our venue and photographer but I am going to wait until I get the ring to sign any other contracts. It's great that I get to plan but it's also hard when you can't tell everyone about it because some people might think it's weird or not real.
It's good to know that I'm not along in this boat! We're planning on a spring 2010 wedding (May to be precise), but we're not engaged with a ring. He's always talking about this and that in relation to the wedding and what we'll do when we're married- but we still haven't gotten engaged.
I'm graduating this spring, he did two years ago, and I'll be moving in with him in June. He had planned on proposing over the summer, but after FBIL lost his job he became nervous about finances and chose to save longer before buying a ring. I'm sure the economic situation has caused many proposals to go on hold. We were planning on already being engaged when I moved to Nashville (in June), but it looks like that might not be the case.
We've had a couple arguments about the "importance" of the ring; where I keep trying to explain that it's not materialistic, it just makes a physical symbol of the promise we're going to make to each other. He understands and wants to do it really bad, but being only two years out of college it's hard to have that much money in the bank. But it is nice to know there's other ladies with the same deal- and I'm not a crazy person planning this far in advance!
Me too! We've been together over 3 years, have chosen a date, and have looked at rings. However, we're both in grad school and our chosen date is not for almost 2 more years! (we're trying to wait until after graduation)
I'm sorta on the fence about this. On one hand, I think it totally is a big step for womenkind, but in the other, I feel like it's plain old male laziness. It's as though they want to test the waters before actually taking the leap and seeing if you'll say yes.
That's not fair. :P It's not much of a surprize when you already know they have a ring.
If it's any consolation, I was in a similar situation, I never told my fiance I was disapointed because I was happy to be marrying him, but in a way, that's a memory I'll never actually have. :(
For me my boyfriend thinks i talk about getting married waaay to much, but to me i'm just trying to figure out what he wants for the wedding...It's hard talking to him, because he doesn't want to talk about it. we've already got a date set, a venue picked out, which we're putting the down payment for the end of march, and now he says the next thing to do is really pick out a ring, not just go look at them... I feel like he's doing it his way, and i feel like i can't do it any other way, because i don't want to "pressure" him...Even though he's very happy to be getting married... He's confusing...
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Awww it feels good to NOT be the only one!! My boyfriend has had MY ring somewhere in our apartment for the past three months and though I haven't torn the place apart looking for it (I picked it out, but I just want to see it again!) I am going CRAZY knowing that he has it and has not asked yet. He says he has it all planned out he is just waiting for the right time. **Everytime he asks to go for a walk on the beach, even though i'm dead tired I say OKAY, hoping that maybe it might be then!!** (crazy I know)
We ALREADY have our venue picked out and put down the deposit to lock in the date. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has so much of my wedding planned but is not engaged!
I'm glad I'm not the only going through this. We have talked about getting married. He says he's designed a ring for me. He even had my finger sized and ordered the ring last week. Now I just have to wait.
He keeps making suggestions about our wedding but we haven't set a date or really started planning.
I'm pretty sure he plans on proposing at Disneyland so now every trip we make to the "Magic Kingdom" is painful for me.
The anticipation is killing me. I would just like to be able to set a date and start planning out in the open instead of being sneaky about it. LOL
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You girls are off to a running start! I've had the ring for over a year and just started planning 
We've been together 8 years. On February 14th this year, we visited three venues, decided one of them was "the one" and set a date of June 20, 2009. Yes, that's 4 months to plan a destination wedding in the Adirondacks for 150 invited guests. And he still has not "proposed."
It was kind of awkward at first because the call to our parents was "we set a date!" instead of "we're engaged!" But once the planning started and they realized it was "for real," I think they've gotten over the whole lack-of-a-ring thing.
Good luck!
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My BF and I have been together for almost 2 years. I was married previously and have 2 children. This past summer we started talking about getting married ... even agreed on a date. But he never proposed. I feel odd planinng a wedding without a ring on my finger. Before Christmas we even picked out a ring. He has it!!! He says he won't propose when I expect him too. I just am getting a little crazy waiting.
With that said ... we are planning a 9-12-09 wedding at my parent's home :)