- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I am in the same boat. My FI and I talk about kids all the time and we both have been hit with the baby fever.
I feel like we really cant afford them, and when I say this to our families they say that if people waited till they felt they can afford kids, no one would have any.
They said that they learn to adjust, you end up spending your money differently, For me it will be getting the $5 bottle of wine instead of the $15. Or going out to eat less, not getting my nails done as much, TJ Maxx instead of Macys.
I guess you find a way to make it work. I'm still having a hard time with this one too. I guess I'm just an over planner.
I feel like once you and your hubs decide that you cant live another day without a little one running around you figure out a way to make it work.
In my case-never, it hasn't been easy AND I am still happy that I have them!!! (And they are 25 and 27ish :) (I still help them out as I can, because they are both still in college. If you wait til you can afford children, you may never have them.
Right, I agree with both of you - if you wait to afford, you'll never have them. But I feel like I need some hard numbers!
Maybe I should be asking - how much do children cost? And then I could find that in the budget...
Because I feel like at this rate, if I can't plan the numbers out I'm afraid we'll have a child and then find out AFTER the fact that the money is just not there.
@coconutmellie: My husband and I decided to try for a baby in May. We found some baby calculator websites that estimate baby costs. (Of course, I know they are simply that-just estimates) It gave us an idea as to what most baby items cost and what to expect. Also, you need to look at your health ins. plan to find out what is covered. After we looked at the overall expected/estimated costs, we added a little more (10-15%) to be on the "safe" side. I know what you are going through. It was hard for us, too, to figure out what costs to expect with a baby. If you just google "baby costs", there is a whole bunch of interesting info.
There are a lot of baby cost calculators online that can help you get an estimate. I believe they say first year average costs are $10,000-$15,000, but there is a lot of flexibility in that.
If you are in a position where you can wait until the best time financially, then this is what I think. Ideally, you should have an emergency fund already set aside of enough cash for you and DH to live off of for at least 8 months. In addition to that, the means to start up a separate college fund. And also it would be most ideal if you already owned your own home in a good school district.
But I think the majority of parents don't have the means to wait until this ideal moment and it still works out. LIke others have said, you just adjust to making due with less.
I can tell you exactly how much our daughter costs:
Initial baby preparation costs: about $2000 (crib, dresser, and stroller/carseat travel system were bought for us; we bought everything else)
Medical bills for labor/birth, hopsital stay, and baby care: $20,000 before insurance
Epidural: $1900 before insurance
Medical bills for first 3 months of care: $750 before insurance
Monthly expenses:
Formula-$150/month
Diapers and wipes-$100/month
Childcare (private nanny)-$1500/month
Clothes, toys, medicines, odds and ends, etc...-$150/month
Obviously, we spend more than you really have to (formula fed instead of breastmilk and private nanny instead of daycare). Babies are expensive, though, and I think the most recent counts state that, to raise a child to the age of 18, it costs around $200,000. I think the most important things are to be debt-free and have some savings before you have the baby. The rest of the expenses can be reduced or even eliminated depending on your situation, but the initial costs are the most expensive.
ETA: I didn't include college savings, because that's part of our "savings budget" not our "baby budget." But we add $150/month into her savings account as well, if that helps.
The ladies before me said it best - everything is an estimate.
You can be very frugal and cost-conscious, if you buy some things second-hand or are gifted or handed down/handed over certain items. I know it's "wrong" to count on gifts, but chances are, this is going to happen to some degree.
I would personally start out by assuming you will acquire NO "big ticket items" at no cost to yourself and go from there - estimate the cost of a stroller, a car seat, a crib, etc. etc. - all the biggies - and go from there. My friends with babies all claim that the consumables (diapers, clothing for ever-growing baby, formula, etc) end up costing more than the combined total of all "the big tickets" so maybe multiply your "big ticket item" total by 2? That should get you started...
I personally do not think that you need to be debt-free before having children. Sure, that is helpful (both before having kids and in day-to-day life) but look around at everyone who has kids - are they all debt-free? Probably not. I would not choose to sacrifice your desire for children for being debt-free - I say this because it could take years and years to accomplish. If you are currently 30 and wish to have children in your early 30's, I think you will come to regret it if you put it off for multiple years just for the sake of being debt-free. Obviously it's a personal decision based on one's own situation, but that's mine.
Also - I didn't pay attention see on your first post where you are from. Keep in mind, if you are from Canada, you don't need to pay for a hospital stay or an epidural, and in many, many cases, the large portion (if not the entire portion) of medical costs are often covered largely by insurance.
I agree with others that there is never a perfect time to have children.
That said there are things to take into consideration. Health insurance coverage is an important one, since it can costs thousands if you don't have it or only have partial coverage. Next is do you need to find day care. That's a significant recurring expense that you need to have in the budget somewhere.
After that, assuming a healthy child, the costs can be minimised. Cloth diapers are much easier than they used to be and save a lot of money. Buying big ticket items second hand or getting from friends/relatives (crib, swing, bouncy seat, furniture, etc....) There is TONS of barely used or new baby stuff out there for someone who wants to look around for it. I bought a brand new pack n play ($150 model) for $35 bucks! Babies don't need a lot of the stuff that is one the "essential" list. In fact they need very little off of it.
Wow, I almost chocked when I saw the first year estimates, but forget about things like paying medical bills in the US. Phew!
We're currently expecting our first and hubs wanted a "nest egg" before we started TTC {we'd also just had our wedding and bought a new home which needed renos}. For us, that egg was between $2 and $5k. We live in Canada so don't have to worry about the same medical expenses, I'm planning to breast feed and also work from home {so no daycare}. We're also all about consignment shops and gently used baby items {they grow out of things so fast you can get like-new items for a fraction of the cost}, and borrowing from friends and family when available.
Plus, looking at some of the lists baby stores put out for "must haves", you really don't need all that stuff! And you can buy as you go. Baby doesn't come home from the hospital and go right into the swing/exer-saucer/etc....
As for big $ items, that's all up to you and your budget. You can spend $200 or $1000 on a stroller, same as a crib, car seat, high chair, etc. It depends on whether you're all about the brand names and trendy/expensive items or realise that while those are nice things to have, your kid won't care what brand of clothes they wear or if their nursery is decorated all matchy-matchy!
Like one PP said, budget assuming you'll receive nothing, but I'd add: know that you probably will be given a lot more than you expect!
Our goal is to have about $5k saved up for the initial start up costs. From there we will just adjust our budget to accommodate our new lifestyle with a baby.
We have $1500 alotted for start up items. I believe we plan carefully, buy sparingly, shop frugally, borrow or accept donations often, get lots of support from family and friends, and a solid budget in place. We are intending on doing cloth diapers and breastfeeding. Our careers, savings for plan b, and home life are currently stable and secure.
Beyond that, we are adding $100 more for baby's month-to-month costs (counter meds, books, toys, wipes, etc) and $180 more a month to expand our family health care *check with your provider; ours covers almost everything for maternity/childbirth. The monthly costs may change and then we may have to adjust in the future years to come but we will try to keep things in check as decisions come up. We haven't started planning a college fund yet b/c we want to see how workable this is when the reality hits.
We'd like to have a large emergency fund (at least 6 months expenses), have a good handle on our debt and own a home before we try to conceive. Ideally, at that point DH would have a substantial enough salary that while I am pregnant, we can "practice" for me being a stay-at-home mom by me putting my salary in a savings account specifically for post-baby life, that way the extra financial burden won't cause us to dip into our emergency savings. Of course, I am not 100% that I want to be a full-time SAHM, and in that case, we would devote as much of my pay as possible to things for the baby, including a college fund and saving for another baby, and live off his salary.
@daniellemybelle: This is a really good idea to start putting away your salary and budgeting to live off of one. When we bought our house only one of us put our income down. We wanted to be able to afford the house without relying on two salaries (just in case)
I think that will be the hardest part about having a baby is adjusting your budget. If you don't have a good budget to start with, the extra financial strain could be tough. We are trying to get on a good budget now so when we haev to adjust it its not so terrible.
Once all the work on the house is done and DH gets a "real" job, we'll be able to afford a baby no problem. If we got pregnant today, things like putting up a fence would have to be compromised, but it's not like we wouldn't be able to feed or clothe one comfortably. It's not a savings issue for us, it's a day to day issue, and I realize we are in a very unique financial place, thanks to DH's deployment year. Otherwise I think i'd be freaking out big time.
I won't feel comfortable having a baby until we are debt free (except for school/house/cars...which we are, but i hope to stay that way), have an emergency account with 4-6 months living expenses in it (we have maybe 2), and are living comfortably with maybe 500/mo extra money (above what we contribute to savings, retirement, etc). I don't know why that is my comfort point.... but for me that is the number I have in my head.
Having a baby doesnt require you spend millions....really, it doesnt. Everyone has this idea that you have to earn a certain amount in order for it to be "ok" to have a baby. Well, let me tell you, when i fell pregnant FI and I were still living at home and our jobs WERE NOT great AT ALL. But guess what? it happened, we were thrilled, we got a place, furnished it and survived...now 3 years later we now have much better jobs and we are financially ok. We bought a house, have our own independant cars, and our baby goes short for nothing...in actual fact he is rather spoilt :) but just to say, i dont believe that you PLAN a baby financially. But one things for certain they dont cost nearly as much as we do.
I've heard numbers up to $30,000 for first year costs which includes maternity, labor/delivery, insurance, furniture, decorations, clothes, food, diapers, life insurance, new wills, doctors appointments, supplies, day care, babysitting, travel etc.
DH and I want to wait until he's done with grad school before TTC and thus won't be able to save until then b/c we'll be living off 1 income while he's in school. He starts next fall so we're saving lots now for when we'll have 1 income. Good thing he'll be making big bucks once school's done! That's the only reason I feel secure knowing that by 2014 we'll be on our way to being debt free with baby savings!
The Guy's youngest sister who has two little girls has told us over and over again to make sure we put a lot of money away before we have kids. It's not just the baby years - they just get more expensive after that, especially if they're in daycare (this is the first year his sister's girls are both in daycare, and his sister and her husband are saving something like $30k/year by them being in school full time).
The Guy and I are both savers, but we like to live well, so with that in mind we're going a little extreme and plan to have at least $40k in emergency fund savings before we have kids. The good news is that we're well on our way to that goal. I definitely don't think everyone needs to save anywhere close to that, but that is what will make US comfortable to make the leap and TTC.
RuthGarcia is quite right. I have basically caused myself to be nearly unable to move forward on the baby decision by over analyzing everything including where we live. We are not financially bad off at all just not where I wanted to be at 37. Baby clock is running out.
The real answer is never. You make due with what you have, adjust your lifestyle accordingly and press forward. If you wait until you can afford a child, it may never happen!
@smyley: That's what I was going to say. It's never the right time and there's never enough money. As long as there's enough love, that's all that matters.
I think what a lot of people forget when having a baby is that your lifestyle should change. Yes, having a baby may cost $30,000 but what do you give up to pay for that. Its not like you suddenly have to make $30K extra to pay for a baby.
For us going out on a Friday night costs us about $50 or more (dinner/drinks/etc). This won't be happening when a baby joins us. That right there is $50 that will cover the weekly diaper bill.
Eating out with a baby is hard. I'm sure the money we spend eating out will go down a bit (or we could cut back if we had to).
We like to travel a lot and again, when a baby comes I'm sure that cost will go down because any trips will just be trips to go see family.
I think the biggest things to be worried about like others have brought up is maybe trying to have some savings ahead of time for emergencies and start up costs.
Its a personal decision. For me (and DH), being financially secure is extremely important. Before we TTC, we will have zero debt (except our mortgage and one car payment), a substantial emergency fund (6 months of living expenses), and room in our budget to save monthly. Obviously you can have kids when you aren't financially secure, but I don't want that added stress.
I was talking to a friend about the cost of kids when I saw the day care prices in our area. I was so shocked to see that full time day care for an infant ranges from $1,200-1,800! She was a single mom for the first few years of her son's life, working at a job where she made little money but she was able to support them both.
DH and I could save some more mooney, we could say oh lets wait until we have X amount saved up. But I have fertility issues and we know the longer we wait the harder it is going to be to even get pregnant. So we are trying now. We constantly look at our budget to see where we can save and we do have a small emergency fund. It can be a little stressful but like PP have said, your lifestyle will change when you have a baby and you will find ways to save.
Think about all the people in the world who have children, not all of them have money. We grew up quite poor but we made do. You learn to love what you have and you don't need the most expensive thing at the store.
I agree with all the PPs that said you can't really financially "plan" for a baby. Yes, they are somewhat expensive. Labor/delivery, diapers, wipes, clothes, perhaps formula... it all adds up, for sure. But I think having children is a compromise no matter where you are at in your life. It's all about what you're willing to give up to have a baby. Like instead of a Carribean cruise, you travel to see family. Instead of a date night out, you stay home and watch movies.
Babies don't need a $500 stroller, or a matching furniture set in the nursery. They need warmth, food and love... all things you can provide without breaking the bank. The one thing I do think is important is insurance. Having decent medical insurance will save you THOUSANDS in the long run.
We want to TTC this winter and we own a small business that we operate ourselves ( we have a contract employee and service providers) so we dont qualify for group health coverage and our insurance is an 80/20 policy that covers my DH and I, it will not cover maternity expenses, well there is a clause, if a C section is medically necessary to save the mothers life then the insurance will review the possibility for coverage of the C section on a case by case basis. We can not find an affordable supplement in TX, we got a quote for $700 per month for the just the maternity coverage. WOW, i think i'll save $700 per month and pay cash to our provider and hospital. I have talked to so many people and ins. agents that we have just decided to pay out of pocket. In our rural area a 2 day hospital stay and delivery will propbably run us (with the cash discount) about $6,000, and the baby will be covered under our plan immediately after birth. Of course that doesnt incude all of the prenatal care. But of course if we have a c-section for some other reason, ie the babys life is at risk, it is not covered....so we would make the best decision for our child obviously and have to cough up the approx 12-20,000 for a c section.
I am going to have to answer never to this question as well. The reason that I say that is, while you have more money you are inept to spend in other areas, thus making the baby expensive. One OP said that they had a private nanny for their child, no one who could afford that would have that. And people who are saving one years salary for an emergnecy fund and needing to put away at least 20% of their income before TTC, I think thats a little much
@MrsH1010: It totally depends on your salary going in. We're luckhy enough to make good money and live way, way below our means. We are currently saving about 65% of our comboned incomes each month, and already have a 12 month emergency fund set aside. It CAN be done, if you are lucky enough to have good jobs and are not buried by school debt. Where we live, day care is almost double what the person with a private nanny pays (that you referred to), so I really do think this is the smartest way to go - we'll be ahead of the savings curve for all the huge and sometimes unexpected expenses. It makes me so glad that we don't want to have kids before the age of 30 - it will be so nice to not have to stress as much about the money, since we are established!
I really do think that it's more about how much you are willing to sacrifice of your own standard of living than it is about being financially ready.
For example, if you are literally spending all your money on bills, living paycheck to paycheck, and don't spend any money on leisure, then you probably won't have enough places to cut back and pay for a baby in a comfortable way.
However, when you have disposable income, it's really easy to spend it without thinking about it. The $50+ haircuts, the nails, spending $20 on a t-shirt, and $5 on a coffee... all those things add up.
However, if you start cutting back on those unnecessary things, it suddenly becomes easier to afford a baby.
Also, on a side note, a lot of the money eating things are things you aren't supposed to do/have while pregnant anyway. For example:
*Hair coloring (fumes)
*Acrylic Nails (fumes)
*Caffeine (sorry, no more Starbuck!)
*Alcohol
And the list goes on. When you get pregnant you'll have to cut out so many things for 9 months that it will automatically give you that extra money to spend on the baby!
Thank you SO much to everyone commenting. Everyone has been very helpful!
I must say that tinylittlebird was the first to mention where my post was really coming from: paycheck to paycheck.
If you are currently paycheck to paycheck and you start to creep upwards, at what point is a baby financially feasible? That's why I was curious about start-up costs and things like that because I'm not talking about the "ideal" situation, I'm just asking about the first RESPONSIBLE situation.
A child on top of already living paycheck to paycheck may be seen as socially irresponsible. Some may say that about having a child if you're unemployed or even on welfare. So, at what point will there be enough so that the child does not want?
That's sort of where I was coming from with this - when is having a child not an irresponsible choice for a married couple? When is the "cutting back" margin too thin? If I have 35 dollars left at the end of the month when all the bills are paid (and the coupons have been clipped and the entertainment budget is 0 and all the necessary frugalities are there), is a baby out of the question? (For example.)
@MrsH1010 - Actually, having a private nanny here is pretty comparable to day care costs. Day care for an infant in my area is around $1200/month. We're spending a little more, but we figure we're also getting better service, since our daughter is getting one-on-one attention all day. It really depends on your area, but day care costs are high, especially for infants.
@ coconutmellie - I'm not sure anyone can answer your question because it's really a matter of what you personally are comfortable with. Would I be comfortable with bringing a child into the situation you mentioned? No. But maybe you are, and that's fine. Having children is a personal decision to make, and I don't think anyone can say that you for sure are or are not suited to have a child in your situation. :) Good luck! I hope you and your husband are able to figure it out!
@coconutmellie - I'm with you on the paycheck to paycheck situation. We're still in that boat and we are definitely not comfortable TTC until we are above that. Luckily, we're young and not really wantint to TTC yet anyhow, but we know that we've got to be in a position where we've got at least $200-500 leftover each month.
Wow! I had no idea babies cost so much! If it wasn't as cheap as it is here in Sweden (with regards to raising a child), I wouldn't have as much courage as I do now. That's mainly one of the reasons why I choose to settle down here vs the States - BUT our high taxes make-up for it!
As for where we're at now, we can afford to have a baby (but that's only because things are so much cheaper here). We have no credit card bills, we bought our car used and paid in full, our wedding expenses are all paid, we basically only have our mortgage, utilities, insurance, necessary living expenses, and student loans. We live frugally ... simple life, without the bling.
Ideally, I would like to completely furnish our house first and pay off our mortgage while the interest rates are low, but that's surely gonna take awhile and my clock is ticking! I think the biggest change financially IF we had a baby now would be the mortgage - we wouldn't be able to payoff the capital as soon as we'd hoped.
But we'd be able to afford all the diapers, baby furniture, and necessities. They wouldn't be name brand anything but we're not really into that anyway. As for healthcare, childcare, education, thankfully it's little/no cost here. But again, the payoff is our high taxes and much lower pay compared to similar positions in the States.
My coworker has 2 children (toddler and infant), and has a private nanny. He spends basically the same amount per month on a nanny that he would spend on a good daycare around here. The nanny doesn’t live there, just basically does 8-5 Monday-Friday, but dollars to dollars, it’s not much more expensive to have a nanny sometimes, and then it’s 1-1 care, which is ideal.
I totally agree with @Mrs.Spring that it’s a question of what you’re personally comfortable with. I personally, would not have children in the situation mentioned (basically, living paycheck to paycheck). My friend on the other hand, has 2 young children, and they both work retail jobs, and though they are not maybe paycheck to paycheck, they don’t have tons of extra cash saved or left over at the end of the month. Her kids are happy, healthy and they are a fabulous family!
It all goes back to what your financially comfortable with, and what lifestyle you are used to living.
For me personally, I will need considerable savings above my emergency fund money in order to feel “comfortable” TTC. Everyone is financially “comfortable” at different points.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Gemstone | 22 |
| Beckster329 | 22 |
| Rivendeler | 17 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 16 |
| Rojocameo | 16 |
| Mrs.KMM | 15 |
| KCKnd2 | 15 |
| beargoose | 13 |
| kat2014 | 13 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 13 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| roxy821 | 2 |
| hergreenapples | 1 |
| BayStateBride | 1 |
| shimmerofheaven | 1 |
| Mrs Sarah McK | 1 |
| MrsCarnival | 1 |
| KatyElle | 1 |
| couawilou | 1 |
| kat2014 | 1 |
| red dino | 1 |
This will proably be a really subjective issue since everyone's budget and stand of living is different, BUT, I've been trying to figure this out lately. At what financial point can you say that you can afford a baby? Is there any kind of guideline that can be applied to different scenarios?
My parents and in-laws are vague on this issue, so I turn it over to you, The Hive.