Post # 1
I’ve been battling with this issue ever since well my FILs brought it up.
I’ve been with my now FI for 6 years, I’ve been waiting for the proposal for about 4. Last year his brother who had been dating his gf for 4 years proposed. I’m super happy for them. When they left the house after their announcement I had a total break down. But never said anything and eventually my bitterness subsided. They planned on being engaged for 2 years because they were both still in University and wanted to get that done first. Makes sense. So they are getting married July 2012.
This month my FI finally proposed!! I’m super happy. I got right into all the planning stuff. We set our date for September 2012 almost a year after we got engaged. I’ve always wanted an end of summer wedding.
They are having a big family, traditional wedding. We are having a very small rustic wedding. The amount of guests that would attend the two are 8.
They are mad at us for planning ours 2 months after theirs. I don’t think they have a reason to. But I’m biased. What do you think? And what to I do? I don’t want to start a new relationship with my FILs like this. How horrible. Help!!
Post # 3
I think they are being selfish. Yes they might fight bitterness like you did but they should do it PRIVATELY like you did instead of causing drama! My FI’s cousin got engaged to my roommate eight months after us and are planning their wedding for one month after ours. Did I blow up, no, did I silently brood and feel bitter for a while, yes. BUT after talking with her, (she asked me if I was mad) I told her no, we discussed what we wanted our weddings to be like and it turns out we have completely different views on decoration, colors, theme, and even the amount of formality vs. casualness. It sounds like your wedding will also be very different from your FIL’s. Maybe you need to have a heart to heart with them calmly and hopefully come to the same happy conclusion as me. Each person deserves to have their day and has been waiting for years to marry their love. On your week, weekend, and day YOU will matter and be the star and the same goes for them and their wedding. Hope I’ve helped! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions and good luck! 🙂
Post # 4
It’s not like you put your wedding a month BEFORE theirs to steal their thunder. If anything, your wedding will be scrutinized in the shadow of theirs but that’s your choice. I think 2 months is plenty of time for people to recoup from theirs and enjoy yours.
Post # 5
I really appreciate your comments.
I did try to talk to my FSIL but once I explained that I wasn’t in any way trying to take away from her day, that I was planning something completely opposite of hers and that I would love to be able to share in the fun of planning a wedding with her this year she asked if I could call back in 15mins so that she could discuss with her FI (my FBIL). When I called back he was the one who answered the phone (I was on speaker) and he somewhat steam rolled me. Saying that if I’m calling it’s because I feel guilty and usually guilt indicates something not right and that I should take a long look at that. Then he went into how the family wouldn’t like me because I’m cutting them out. (Side note: They live in a diff. city and I do plan on going there after so that they can all get togther and celebrate with us…just like one would if they were having a small destination wedding.) When I told my FI and my FMIL they were both upset that they would say those things and told me not to worry about it but for me it’s still hanging in the air. I always host Thanksgiving and Christmas at my house for his family (Our house is like the Hub) but now I’m afraid that it’ll be even more awkward then it already has been (with them) with all this tension in the air.
Am I beating a dead horse or should I try to make more effort in resolving this issue? Not to sound mean but I don’t have any intention of moving our date and neither does my FI. I kind of feel like my FI should be stepping in here since it is his brother and well sticking up for me and for us.
Thanks again for your help girls!!! I REALLY do appreciate it.
Post # 6
I think if your FI and FMIL are upset that they said these things to you then just drop it. Clearly FBIL and FSIL are the nutty ones in the situation and everyone knows it.
Just don’t discuss it with them any more and maybe have your FI step in and say to his brother to shut it.
Who do they think they are? It’s 2 months later not 2 days later! (and even then, really, it’s none of their business)
Post # 7
I don’t think it is wrong at all! I say keep your wedding date! My FI brother and his girlfriend decided to move their wedding up before ours and she took ALL of my colors and decor and applied it to her wedding so I am very upset about that! I now have to redo all my plans!!
Post # 8
@Jelly84: That’s terrible!! I’m so sorry you have to deal with that.
Like I said I am going in a completely different direction with my theme/venue/size of guest list.
I am so glad to have your support ladies. Thanks again.
Post # 9
I dont think you
re in the wrong at all. But, I may be... I never thought about the wedding before mine, I felt it was my burden as the one having it after. Hmmm... My FIs cousin was engaged without a date when I met him. I was with my FI for a year before he asked and we set a tentative date that night.
After researching venues we had it down to two available dates for the next summer. We picked July for the flowers . Before the news of our date spread we got word that his cousin had set a date for two weeks before us. EEEkkk… My FI asked if I wanted to change the date and I said no because I really dont care if people compare our weddings. I never thought the other bride would, since hers was first (Our other option was three weeks before hers)
Two weeks is different than two months though. They are basically asking you to wait another YEAR! That is just CRAZY. You are not in the wrong, I may be, but you are not.
Post # 10
@Orchid4: You sound really sweet and considerate. I don’t think you shoulud beat yourself up over their reaction anymore. I know sometimes I want to keep having a conversation until I feel that it is resolved for both parties but sometimes I think you just have to let things cool off.
I’m happy that your FI and your FMIL are on your side. For what it’s worth they are being ridiculous. Even if you were having a big wedding they do not own the year or the season!
Post # 11
The day after the wedding is over, the wedding thunder is done. Sorry, they dont get a single day past their wedding to bask in wedding thunder. (Well, maybe a day, at least until the last OOT guest leaves) If there were a lot of OOT, I can see why THEY might night like wedding a month or so apart, but 2 months is more than enough time.
My SIL got engaged 6 months after us, and got married 3 months before us. Didn’t care. His family had to travel out of state for both, I think that spacing was fine for them.. (at least no one complained that I heard of) Its not like anyone that came to my wedding was STILL talking about her wedding months after the fact… it just doesnt happen. Keep your date, shes being rediculous.
Post # 12
@Orchid4: You did the right thing and did NOT call b/c of some “guilt.” You called b/c you knew they were upset and YOU wanted to be the bigger better person and resolve any hurt feelings. They are obviously acting out of emotional immaturity while you took the high ground, good for you! Thankfully FI and FMIL agree with you so they should be the ones to continue the discussions with their son/brother. You did your part. I’m sorry you’ve got to deal with this, don’t let their unease upset you and spoil your fun planning! Push their problems aside and enjoy your time 🙂
Post # 13
It’s two months later, not two weeks. They need to get over themselves. DH’s family had three cousins(including DH) get married within 10 weeks this summer.
You were very nice to talk to them about it and make sure they were ok with it – and your FBIL ‘steam-rolling’ you on the phone was a d*ck move. From here on out, if they have issue with it, they either talk to your FI or you ignore it. You should NOT have to be the one dealing with his family on this – especially if they are going to be children about it.
Good luck and happy planning!
Post # 14
DH and I got married about 2 1/2 months after his cousin did. Not one person commented about that. In fact since ours could be considered a shotgun wedding or long overdue depending on your viewpoint, no one thought twice about it. They are two different couples. Maybe because they are cousins and not brothers it is a little different, but in the end… In 10 years no one is going to remember what dates you got married on, just that you got married.
Post # 15
My brothers got married 6 weeks apart. Honestly, it wasn’t a big deal.
Post # 16
That is so crazy to me, people take this thunder nonsense way too seriously.