(Closed) Planning to have a baby? Advice

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@sfigu16:  I highly suggest you join these forums: http://www.passboards.org/

It’s not uncommon thing that you are feeling-but it’s important to finish healing BEFORE you TTC.

 

Please-I urdge you to join and read everything you can there BEFORE you ttc.

Post # 4
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

No offense, but having a baby to fill a void from an abortion, is not a good reason to have a baby.  What you need to do is heal from the trauma the abortion caused you first, not try to mask it with a baby. 

Post # 6
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@sfigu16:  if you ever need to talk I’m available. When my FI and I were still “new” (only together 2 months) I got pregnant and he said that he wasn’t ready for a baby and I had an abortion.

It was the hardest thing and I hated myself (and him) for a while. I know it hurts. Those forums really helped.

Post # 7
Member
9143 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@sfigu16:  There are many, many laadies on here who have also been through an abortion and understand what you are feeling right now.  Take the time to heal and seek proper counseling.  I cna tell you from experience, you will never replace your baby no matter how many more babies you have.  (I could have two more children and I will always have my third, my Julien.)  It’s better to cope with the loss and be truly ready to be a mom to your next child.

Post # 9
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

While I have never had an abortion myself I have went through a miscarriage. You will never fully get over it and I have to agree with the above post having another baby will not fill that void and you have to think are you really in a place in life to have a baby? Maybe its just me but I will be married and fully settled in life before I even consider having another baby.

Post # 10
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with the other posters – though I can certainly understand how you might feel like having a baby will help you heal, having a baby before you’re ready isn’t going to solve anything. From your other posts, it seems like you’ve pretty young, and I think there is a lot to be said for being established and secure in your home and career and finances and relationship before bringing a baby into the world. There’s also a lot of good things about giving yourself more time to heal from the emotional trauma you’re still experiencing from your abortion. Babies are a strain on your relationship, your pocketbook and your emotions, so it really is a good idea to make sure that you’re in the best possible place with all of those things before trying to conceive! 

I hope that you can reach out and find some help working through those feelings, and that you can forgive yourself and come to a place of peace and healing very soon. 

Post # 11
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@AlmostHisWife:  This. I got to admit I kind of screwed my face up when I got to the ‘having a baby would help me’ part. Definitely not the reason to have a child.

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