Post # 1
I was on the phone with my mom during my lunch break at work and she brought up the catering (that she and my dad are covering). As usual, the converstation spiraled into other aspects of the wedding. We started talking about non-floral ceremony decor and the costs and how it would depend on how we set up the ceremony. We went back and forth about a few different ideas and then deciding she didn’t like any of mine, she yelled at me telling me that I was worrying about it too soon and hung up on me.
She’s done this to me before too. We were talking about save the dates and invitations and I want to DIY them which she has been pretty against. She said that same thing to me then without the yelling and hanging up. It feels a little bit like when she’s not getting her way she just says that to get me to stop talking about it.
I get that I still have a little over 14 months (wedding date is 8/23/2014), and I also understand that she’s not going to be as excited about this as I am. But is 14 months too early to be thinking about and planning some of this stuff? Or am I getting worked up over nothing?
Post # 3
That’s about when I started planning, we had our venue (with catering) and our photographer booked at the 14 month mark.
I’m still in school so the last few months I haven’t done much, but I’m not at all stressed because I did a lot before school started back up.
I also enjoyed being able to focus on one thing at a time and not feeling rushed to make descisions.
Post # 4
I wish I had had 14 months! I don’t think it’s bad to start thinking now. I would honestly do bridal shows now through December to get special rates and deals and to taste as much as possible. I was able to get 20-45% discounts from booking vendors from the shows (and they emailed me even better rates post-bridal show).
You will get worked up and you will be stressed out, but if possible, have some sort of focus as to what you want, or it will all get really overwheming really quickly.
Ah, the family member trying to decide your wedding for you…. I’ve been dealing with that with my future MIL. She promised to help me back in the fall plan the wedding, and most of our conversations ended fairly badly. One gem was where we discussed seating and I said, “I want assigned seating so that families have enough chairs for themselves and their kids.” She said, “That sounds snooty. I’ve never been to a wedding with assigned seating. You need to learn to let go of some control in this wedding or you will end up miserable.”
I ended up hiring a planner two months ago because she just stopped responding or helping and we didn’t agree on anything. If you can, get a planner; she is an unbiased party that helps you be objective about a lot of decisions and helps stay within your budget. I promise you with all of my heart that it is worth it, and they can even help with the DIY aspects. I’ve helped DIY many invitations and while it is somewhat time consuming, you do save a lot of money.
I had people asking me where the wedding was about a month after we got engaged. We didn’t even book most of our vendors until March. (My wedding is in a month.) Don’t let anyone bring you down in this process. Be firm and focused and state your vision! Others will learn to listen and help if they truly wanted to in the first place.
Post # 5
my wedding is 2 months after yours, and i’ve been actively planning for almost a year.
i think taking more time and booking earlier is better, especially for summer weddings! things book up fast. i know our original venue was already booked for most of summer 2014 when we contacted them last fall.
Post # 6
definitely not!!! I’m not until October 2014 and I got basically everything planned out. It’s never too early to start planning – time will fly!!!
Post # 7
It is NEVER too soon. Everyone wishes that they had started earlier, in the end, because you always leave something until the last minute and start to panic.
Also, you need to stop sharing wedding details with people if you get negative responses like that. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… planning a wedding is like war. Everything should be on a need to know basis only, and she doesn’t need to know!
Post # 8
Yup I’m a January 3rd 2015 bride (even though we might move it to late oct-nov). I find that it makes things a lot easier when you have planty of time. The way I see it? Go ahead and get a little stressed out now, after all it beats getting stressed out later. 🙂
We have a lot of DIY stuff, and Individual vendors to hire since we have a venue that doesn’t do weddings often. Researching and getting quotes will save you time and money. 🙂
Post # 9
Its never too soon. Take it from someone who started planning her wedding 7 months before the wedding date. I wish I had more time because even a small, no fuss wedding takes time.
Post # 11
@ritamaeb: I’m on a 2 year engagement and I started planning last fall! I think it’s totally normal. It’s just so exciting. Maybe your mom is stressed out about other things and doesn’t have time right now… and/or maybe she’s a control-freak like my mom… or a little bit of both! If mom does not seem to be the person to discuss plans with, I’d start doing your planning on your own or consulting with your maids instead. If mom wants to know what’s happening, she can ask you. I realized that my mom just didn’t have time to deal with this stuff so I’ve started handling it on my own. Now if I get a contract or something, I show it to her, just so I get an experienced set of eyes looking over things, and show her that I do want her to be involved, but I don’t go on and on about the wedding to her anymore. It seems to be working better for us.
Definitely find an engaged or married friend to bounce ideas around with! I have found that these people are the most interested in the planning 🙂 And good luck! Happy planning!!!
Post # 12
DATE TWIN!!!! I’m August 23, 2014 too!
We booked the church and venue in April, and I bought my dress already (I wanted to buy it with my mom so I had to do it on a trip home)
We are currently shopping photographers and a wedding band. I plan on having both of those booked before the one year mark.
You are not planning too early! It honestly sounds like she only says that when your vision doesn’t match up with whatever hers is. I think you should, once she calms down, just start talking about the wedding with her one thing at a time… like whatever you are currently tackling. She might just be getting overwhelmed or… having to change her mind about what she’s envisioned for your wedding in her head. It will be easier to tackle one thing with her at a time if you want to include her.
You can also just make decisions and then tell her what you are going with, but that also depends on your relationship.
Post # 13
My wedding is July 5, 2014 and I have almost booked a TON already. We got engaged April 20th. We have our venue, DJ, photographer, officiant, transportation and I have my dress. I have a few florist appointments in the next month and hope to get that booked also. That just leaves us the little things- save the dates, invites, bridesmaids dresses, tuxes, etc.
I LOVE to plan and would rather just get it all done. I think my FI wanted to kill me when I was making 2-3 wedding appointments a week, but now that it’s all done… we are both so happy we did it like that!
I also learned… choose the vendors that you want. You don’t need to involve anyone but the key players (parents if they are paying for it) in your decisions. Everyone has an opinion and its way easier to say, “oh! I already have that booked!” then to listen to people talk about what they think you should do. If you want to DIY your invitations, do it. Just tell your mom you have it all under control. (Or my favorite excuse, well we dont have to send invites for a year, so let’s not worry about it now…)
Post # 14
I’m at 13 months and have venue/caterer, photog, planner, florist, dress, save the dates, and a few other things. I’m a serious researcher & planner And once I think through something, I don’t change my mind.
at first,some gfs thought I was pre-thinking and would be debating and actually deciding again a few months down the line. after I clarified a couple times that I was debating and deciding once only, that was fine.
Just realize some ppl don’t want to talk about it as much as you do. Maybe spread it around to more different ppl.
Also, a couple of my vendors are already booked for dates around mine. You’re not too early. I’m getting every vendor I want with a better understanding of my full budget due to early plannIng
Post # 15
@ritamaeb ; I started planning mine 16 months ahead of time, and I’m from MA too! I don’t know where in MA you’re from or where you’re looking to have the wedding… but summer dates/vendors get booked up quickly! I’d say you should definitely take care of the big stuff now.
P.S. My mom has been difficult to work with as well. I wish you all the best! I got around some things like Save the Dates by paying for them myself.
Post # 16
@Rachel631: +1. Some ppl can’t help plan events for someone else. Your mom sounds like one of them. For instance, I could easily and happily help a gf pick the best tiara for her wedding or help her choose best pink florals even tho I don’t personally prefer tiaras or pink at all. If a person doesnt have the ability to support anything but their own preferences, it’s best not to involve them much in all your details. You need support and someone to bounce your ideas off, so find it in other ppl.
Post # 17
@ritamaeb: I started planning 18 months ahead. I’m now 15 months ahead and everything is booked! Haven’t done invites, STD, dress shopping or anything like that yet but I’ve got the venue, caterer, cake, DJ, lighting, florist, photog all on contract.