- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
I’m stuck, and need avice or support. I am delighfully engaged to a wonderful man that I have known my whole life. He proposed on Christmas day and we are in the early stages of planning. We can’t wait to start a family, especially since we’re not getting any younger. This, however, is going to be one of the trickiest weddings to plan, and this is where I need your advice on what do to/how to feel:
Some background…my FI’s family lives in Europe, mine in the States. His parents aren’t willing/able to come here for a wedding, but are willing to pay for everything if we get married there. Sweet! But! My parents aren’t able to go there, so want us to have a wedding here, but aren’t able to contribute much towards a wedding. Yikes. But here’s the catch….
My dad is sick, and has known for a while that he would need a liver transplant in the near future. Weeks after I got engaged, we found out that the doctors think that his quality of life is bad enough to consider a transplant from a living donor even though he’s not technically bad enough to be on the liver transplant list for a cadaver liver. I had told my dad last year that since I was the only of his kids to be compatable as far as blood type that I would go for testing to see if I could donate to him. The doctors don’t think I will be a good match, though, because my liver may be too small for the surgery to be successful….
So, I will know in a month or so if a) my dad can have the surgery and b) if I can donate. However, if I can’t donate, then I want to have my wedding sooner so my dad can participate as much as possible in the wedding. But its a guarantee that he can’t go overseas.
First, do I wait another month before I set an official date? What if the results are bad and we can’t go through with the surgery? I’d want to have it this September, but waiting until the end of March to get a hall and a church is REALLY late.
Second….how do you have two weddings? Which one is first? My FI and I really want the religous wedding to be in Europe in the church he was baptized in (since he’s decidedly more traditional and religious than me). But you can’t get married in the church if you’re already married here in the States. But I want my parents to be there when I get officially married, if possible. My mother has expressed that she can’t help plan a wedding when she is dealing with my dad’s health issues, and is actually being quite distant. She gave me their blessing to have my wedding overseas without them, but my dad wants to be able to walk me down the aisle. MY FI family wants his parents to be present for this momentious occasion and his family would also be very disappointed if they were not there to see us get officially married.
I have already purchased my dress, so if we have a wedding this september, at least that much is taken care of. I don’t intend to focus much on the details, as its not in my personality or in my budget/time constraints. But I don’t know what to do, and my FI and I are wanting to move forward. I’m scared that if I wait til next year, my dad will be even worse off as far as his quality of life. My FI and I also want to start a family once we’re married, but don’t want to have to put it off. Especially if my dad’s health gets worse, we want him to be able to enjoy his grandchildren as much as possible.
How do I even approach this?!