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It's tricky, isnt it? I realized before we were even engaged that we may run into a problem with one of my closest friend's/bridesmaid's date.
We both want to get married outside, in the same city, at the end of summer. Our guest lists are very similar, and our bridal party is nearly identical. She's got a huge budget compared to mine, and is also having a wedding overseas shortly after her American wedding. Also, she lives across the country and will have to fly home numerous times for her planning, her bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc.
I didn't want to compete nor did I want her to have to fly home extra times that same time of year or make time for everything I'd want her full attention at (my bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding!)... so we moved our wedding up a YEAR. Sounds crazy, but that's how much I wanted to avoid a situation like yours
Honestly, though, i've had plenty of friends who have had weddings near each others, and i think the key is to focus on how your day will be special and unique and not worry about comparisons. Five weeks after your wedding, you'll likely be much more relaxed, post-honeymoon, and able to just enjoy your new sister-in-law's day without having to worry about how your day will turn out. Do your own thing during planning, and only talk to her and discuss plans as much as you're comfortable with. Good luck!
One of my BMs and besties is getting married the weekend FI and I had originally planned on. We hadn't officially announced our engagement to anyone but my parents because we were getting my e-ring made so we were waiting but in the meantime my friend got engaged and picked that date (in October). Yeah, I was upset, but I sucked it up and didn't say anything and just moved my wedding up two months to August. We have a lot of the same OOT friends so I wanted to give everyone a bigger buffer between dates. I'm totally over it now.
I got engaged in October and got a jump on reception site shopping. My FI and I are very much "fall" people and would have loved an outdoor autumn ceremony. We chose a venue, and put down our deposit. Fast forward a couple weeks and my cousin gets engaged (which is good) and announce that they are getting married on the same date I already reserved! My whole family knew about my date, and no one said anything to them. I felt like I would come off rude if I did. My FI and I decided to speak to our venue and move our date. Now we are getting married at the end of November, with no chance of an outdoor ceremony. :(
It's annoying but somebody has to do it. Who had their date booked first? If your FSIL did, then you should move yours, IMO. if you booked yours first and she booked hers two weeks after yours without checking with your FI and your Fi's family about crossing-over family situations, then that was just rude of her and you are taking the high ground.
I got engaged prior to my best friend, and my roommate. I set my date in September, and they both got engaged around the same time. My best friend set her date for 2 weeks before mine and my roommate set hers for 3 weeks after. I was in both weddings, and it was so much fun!
The way I think about it, you only really get one day. It was a lot of fun planning with both my best friend and my roommate...and my best friend and I even had our bachelorette parties together. It was definitely a lot of planning and trying to make sure our weddings weren't exactly the same, but you shouldn't think of it as something to resent someone for. Think of it as a chance to go through the experience together!
My fiance, then boyfriend, and I told my family, his family, and his brother and girlfriend we wanted to get married either September 17th or September 25th-- really wanted the end of September for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I wanted time in between the July bar exam and the wedding. My fiance, then boyfriend proposed in May and we started looking around at venues. We picked a venue in the end of May and chose the 17th, wrote it in the contract, signed, deposited money. Came back and told his parents, who then informed us that my fiance's brother's girlfriend had booked their venue for that date THAT SAME WEEK... they were not engaged, did not tell us, just went and did it and told me to just deal with it.
What I regret most about it is the competitive environment this has created between us. She books everything before me, talks about how she books everything first, and makes a point to mention how she wouldn't wait as long as I have to lock in vendors. I don't even bring up weddings around her because it's so contentious and competitive.
@ejs, I did move our date. I know I sound bitter, but there is no excuse that our date was unknown, because it was. We had all talked about it in months prior, I'm talking like February and March. So it comes down to literally who put down money first... which I waited to do until I was technically engaged with a ring (not like when I knew I was getting married), which I guess was my mistake. Would you really have not discussed anything with someone you knew was getting engaged and who you knew was going to plan her wedding around the same time that you picked, not even the same month, the same day? Like when do the rights to the date set in? When your engaged? When you pick the date out and say it out loud? Or when you send in your deposit?
I just don't get it. And she's in my wedding... and I find it impossible to happily discuss the details of anything with her while she's planning her own and complaining about how many bridesmaids I have, that we might have had the same band, the list goes on...
My MOH and best friend has been engaged for about two years and set her date for August 2010. My FI and I wanted to get married early fall but out of respect to her we moved it back November. I want to enjoy her wedding and I want her to enjoy mine and if they were that close I don't think either of us would. Sometimes people can't help the date but at least be respectful!
i'm not planning my wedding around my bridesmaids wedding, but her "surprise" shower. her moh wrote to all of us bridesmaids in my friend's wedding and said she would like to have the shower one of two days in august. i asked her to hold off because i knew i was going to get engaged in late november and those two weekends were the only weekends that would work for our wedding (who the heck plans a shower 10 months in advance anyway?). well she went ahead and planned the shower for the one day that i particularly wanted. i couldn't even say anything to my friend because it was supposed to be a surprise.
we picked another weekend to have the wedding instead, but i am really annoyed with this girl because she didn't even write me back saying, oh ok, i'll hold off or oh well does another weekend work for you? i thought it was so incredibly rude that she just went ahead and planned a shower 10 months ahead of time when i asked her to hold off for a few weeks before booking.
One of my good friends has been with the same guy for 6 years and planning to get married the week after she finishes med school for like 5 years, so she had the middle of May 2010 reserved forever even though she wasn't officially engaged until last spring. And thanks my venue having heat but no AC, my mom's April vacation plans and my sister's school finals, my outdoor wedding that I always dreamed of is going to have to be in March and probably inside because of the unusally cold winter we are having. Mid-May would have been perfect, but c'est la vie!
She's also having like a zillion showers and turning 30 this month and planning my showers around her parties has been a bit of a b*(&h. I just had to go ahead and plan my shower and bachelorette party for the same day as her birthday party. She lives 3 hours away and we have mostly separate friends though. I feel terrible about it, but not having a shower at all because of her birthday party was just too depressing.
Yeah that just sounds crappy then =(. If everyone knew your date, then the only reason to do that is just plain meanness. I think she and her Fi should've talked about it with the families involved. AFter all, they all knew of your dates. Barring any major reasons (graduation from grad school, stuff like that), just picking somethign 2 weeks later is presumptuous. It's not always a big deal, but depending on the families involved, it could just be unnecessarily stressful. From what you say, her nature just sounds not cool tho =(
One of my bridesmaids picked my dating anniversary date for her wedding, which I wanted, then took my color choices too. I couldn't avoid telling her things because obviously she is in the wedding. Then I lost the date I wanted at our cosen venue because we were two days late to visit, only to find out I could have put a tentative hold on it without deposit. Then I had to book a date that made the sportsmen in my family upset, two weeks after my cousin's wedding.
I've been right there with you too... sounds pretty common!
FBIL got engaged in November 2008, he just started new job, she was just starting university, said they were going for a July 2011 wedding. We then got engaged at Christmas 2008, sat with them to talk about it, they reiterated that they wanted july 2011, and were okay with us doing 2010. Said to go ahead, book our stuff as they wouldn't be thinking about it for a year.
Fast forward 2 months, we let FI's family know what we had booked, they were all really excited... then FBIL and FSIL come forward and say they decided on July 2010 and booked the same photographer, the same florist, the same dressmaker and the SAME FRIKKIN RECEPTION hall!! GRR I was sooo upset, because we had booked this hall because it was formerly a restaurant owned by my grandparents who have now passed away. (and we live in a big city, so it wasn't because this was all that was available!) Everyone told me to forget about it, not to worry, but I'm still really stressed about how it now looks like we are copying them... since ours is 3 months after theirs. We changed everything else, to not have identical weddings, but the reception hall was too special to me to change, so we kept it there. We will see how it goes after their wedding in July...
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Anyone out there planning their wedding around another one of your bridesmaids' weddings?? This girl is getting married 5 weeks after me and is also going to be my sister-in-law. Definitely made me move my date to three weeks earlier than I wanted it to be, I'm trying to get over it but it really still annoys me. Anyone have advice on situations like this?