Post # 1
LOL, I’m serious!
My fiance and I have known since before our engagement that we wanted to try for babies in mid 2012, lining up with the end of a deployment. By then we will have been dating 6 years, married over 1…putting me at 27 and (by then) hubby at 30…
I do not by any means discuss it, announce it or make a big deal…but people have been asking when we want a family. Luckily it’s only been people I really like/trust that have asked and after excitetly saying “next year!” I feel sort of embaressed! Is it bad form to mention something so far out? Does having a “plan” (we know things can change) so far out seem tacky?
EDIT: I don’t see anything wrong with long (or short, or no…) engagements, I’ve just noticed there seems to be a certain stigma attached to it, and that is what I was referring to 🙂
Post # 3
I don’t see how a plan could possibly be considered tacky! It’s practical. If you told me “next year” I would say “cool!” Seems totally normal to me…
Post # 4
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a plan – even a long term one! It’s not like either of you would be “running out of time” – plus it gives you something you can say when people ask if you’re going to have a family.
Post # 5
I’d never ask someone when they are planning to try for babies because it feels like more info on their sex life than I actually want to know, but presumably if people are asking they are ok with an answer, and in that case I don’t think “next year” or “2012” is weird at all 🙂
However, the downside of giving any kind of real time frame is that you risk people watching you for signs of pregnancy, or asking you about it more often, or stuff like that- which can get annoying and/or upsetting, especially if TTC is taking a while. I’d much rather say “Oh, we’re not planning on babies any time soon” and then turn around with a “surprise, we’re due in 6 months” kind of thing, to relieve any potential pressure or questioning, but that’s just me.
Post # 6
We tell people “oh a year or so” or “a couple of years”. Having a plan for babies is refreshing in this day and age of so many surprises. I don’t think it’s weird or tacky at all–just very practical!
Post # 7
I don’t think its weird to plan to TTC in 2012.
We’re not TTC now and I’m incredibly vague when people ask (because I don’t want anyone to know anything until we’re in the second trimester). So I say things like – we just want to be married for a while before we decide when we’re going to have a baby.
Post # 8
I tell people we’re on the 5 year plan or to get back to me when I turn 30 (I’m 27 now). I don’t think saying next year is bad, however, from the experience of my cousin and his wife who told people that they wanted to start a family within a year and still don’t have any children (conception problems) 3 years later, it was quite stressful because everytime she was sick people would ask if they were pregnant, especially their families. Just in case something happens sooner or later than planned I took to being quite vague.
Post # 9
I think most people have an idea of when they want to start a family. It’s too big of a life event to not really plan for! We know we will start in about 3 years – how’s that for planning ahead!
Post # 10
I agree w/ crayfish – most people have at least talked about a timeframe whether it’s specific or waaaay in the future. Usually when someone asks me now, I just tell them that we’re seeing how things go. We’ve been TTC now for 5 cycles, and it’s been a little torturous, and we’re not telling anyone that we are.
I think that telling people that you have a plan isn’t weird at all though. So if someone asks, and you tell them “2012!” I would think they would respond positively to that!
Post # 11
I don’t think it’s bad form at all to say “next year.” Though if you wanted to be funny, you could always say, “July 10, 2012, at 9:00 p.m. sharp.” 🙂
Post # 12
If I was feeling really snide that day I’d tell them that you and your husband already are a family!
Otherwise, I agree with the other posters. There’s nothing wrong with planning ahead (esp. in a situation with one spouse in the armed forces) but I’d be wary of giving a year or a specific timeframe since things can change, or you might have difficulties.
Post # 13
I don’t think it’s weird to say 2012. I’ve been telling only close friends and family that we plan to go off birth control either at the end of this year or beginning of next, that way there is a large window for when it will happen since these things can take some time. Plus, by planning ahead, you can do other things like save money, prepare your home, and other nesting things that you know you will want to do prior to being pregnant. It’s a win win!
I don’t want to be nagged about getting pregnant, but my mom is chomping at the bit for me to get pregnant. I’m the only one that’s going to have kids on my mom’s side of the family, so everyone is waiting very impatiently. It’s kind of stressful, but in a good way, I guess.
Post # 14
Lately, I’ve actually been telling people LATER than when we are actually going to TTC, just so I don’t have to answer questions. We are going to start trying soon, but I am telling them that we’re going to start trying at the end of this year or next. I just don’t want people in my business about trying!
As for telling people 2012, I think it’s completely reasonable. It will stop them from asking you every single day, and it’s pretty common os tart trying for kids two years (or however long) after you get married. So to have a plan to get married, and start trying two years later is totally common!
Post # 15
We’re planning on TTC our second in 2012 so I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. It’s great to have a plan, especially if your Darling Husband won’t be there until that time.