Playing the role of housewife without the ring…..

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Be very very careful,

I know a few girlfriends who did this. The ring never came. breakups happened and heartache’s caused a lot of damage.

Sorry didn’t mean to make it so dismal but I don’t think this is a great idea. What was the reason for you two to move in together?

Post # 5
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

ok best of luck then.

Post # 6
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think you should follow your heart.  However, you have to let him know your nonnegotiables. It doesn’t seem that you’ve expressed your expectations to him.  If you are to move in then you expect blah blah blah.  It’s a necessary conversation because you don’t want to have any regrets.  I wish you the best as I’m sure you love him very much.

Post # 7
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am not a supporter of a moving in together with no marriage. It just feels like you are not really commited and can walk away whenever you wish. More so if you want the ring and marriage so bad and you are not sure if he does.

You MUST talk with your guy and tell him how you feel, hear him out and if you feel like it is going nowhere just don’t move in. Buying a new house is no reason for moving in with a guy. You have to be loud and clear about what you want and feel and so does he.

Six years is quite a long time, but you are young, don’t rush yourself! Be wise.

Best of luck.

Post # 8
Member
18 posts
Newbee

@Stranger516:  

Given that you are clearly quite unhappy about the uncertainty of your situation if/when you move in with him, can you tell us why you are ignoring what your not-especially-inner voice is advising you?

You want to feel secure and that you are both planning the same kind of future together. But you don’t feel that and, to me, that’s just as compelling an argument *against* moving in with him as are any pro arguments to do with convenience and financial practicality.

Also, will you be setting money aside to buy your own real estate while you are living in his new house or will you be paying him rent and subsidising his investment instead?

 

Post # 9
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Stranger516:  I personally am of the belief that living together before marriage is a good thing. My first marriage started with us moving in together when we got make from our honeymoon. If we had lived together before marriage we never would have gotten married and that would’ve been a good thing.

I don’t think it’s a matter of “getting the milk for free.” Just because you live together it does not mean that you are “bought and paid for” and can never leave. If he wants to marry you he will. If he marries you and you don’t live together beforehand that doesn’t mean 100% he will be happy after the wedding. I personally think it’s a good idea to figure out whether or not you are compatible at living together. People can love each other, but not be able to happily coexist under the same roof.

No matter what, you both have to do what feels right for you and if you both want to live together that’s what you should do.

Post # 10
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

I totally understand how you are feeling! I lived with my SO for a few months, and then he got a job on the other side of the state so we moved. I’m a full time online student so I’m playing housewife without a ring as well. I love living together and I wouldn’t trade that, but it kind of hurts when I remember we aren’t engaged or married and there isn’t any “gaurentee” we will take the next step.

Although I am horrible at taking my own advice, I’d say you should talk to him!

Best of luck!

 

Post # 11
Member
24 posts
Newbee

We moved in together very very fast. We’d been friends for years. As soon as we started dating he stayed the night once in my new place and sort of just never left. I guess that’s a little of my fault. Now I just couldn’t imagine my days and nights without him.

Post # 12
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I won’t move in until we’re married but I know some folks prefer a test run.

If I was to do this, I would like to know how the timeline would run. I would like to know how long after moving would we make it official because I wouldn’t want to play house forever. It all boils down to you bringing it up to your SO.

If the time passes with no real progress I would move out but not break up. You could move out and say that it was amazing living with you and it will be awesome when we are married.

Post # 13
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We moved in together three weeks ago, and have been together 7.5 years. We had waited long enough to get to this point and were both very enxcited for it. I had said to him that I don’t just want to play wife, I want to be his wife. He said that to him, getting engaged is something you do once you’ve lived together so we compromised on that. He has let slip that he has been giving it a lot more thought recently. Perhaps you moving in together will also make him think more about it? 

Post # 14
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Well, on one hand I think 23 is pretty young (I say this as someone who is 23) and 25 is quite young for a man to think about/want to get married (on average). SO I’m not terribly surprised that it hasn’t happened yet, but after six years I think it is reasonable to expect an engagement or at least a timeline agreement in the near future. If he is buying a house at 25 he must be pretty mature and level-headed. Why can you not sit him down and tell him, “Listen, we need to talk about our goals together. I’m so excited to be moving in together, but one thing I want in my life is a good marriage as I have told you in the past. I need to know that this is on your goal list as well and I need to know your thoughts about when that might happen.” If he beats around the bush and says I dunno, why are you pressuring me, etc. then I think you are completely within your right to tell him he needs to seriously think about it for a day or two and come back at you with a concrete answer. 

Why are you  moving in with him if you’re not excited about it? I also don’t think it’s a good idea to move in to HIS home when he refuses to give you an answer. Personally, I live with my S/O and while I would like to get engaged I don’t think of it as playing the role of housewife. We are partners in a relationship even if that relationship may not be husband and wife yet and I enjoy keeping a home together. 

Post # 15
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Stranger516:  why won’t the household duties be split??

Post # 16
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@Stranger516:  I think you are making a mistake, and I think you know you are making a mistake. He won’t even tell you if (or when) he wants to be married? Is your name going on the mortgage for the house? Why do you have to do all the housework?

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