Weddingbee boards

My sister is 10 years older than I am. She's on her second marriage, the first lasted nearly 20 years but was far from happy. She is now happy, new husband, new boobs, new nose and new wedding ring. It is a Simon G creation and I will admit it is perfect for her and it is very pretty. It is a band with flower designs and crusted with little sparkly diamonds.

When I was looking at rings I had no idea what I wanted, at first. Out of ease I kept looking at bands, just a band, call it good. That way I can't get it wrong. And isn't that just a sad way to think? yes, but we come to these kinds of choices for reasons, and for me it is because I always meet the criticism of the sisters (yes, there is another older sister) which is why I refuse to marry in the states or have a wedding attended by family that would choose to be critical.

Today was the unveiling of my ring as I just got back from Kuwait at 2am. I saw my sister today and when she saw the ring, she simply said, "it doesn't sparkle a lot for the size, maybe it is because it is so flat on top, but the setting is pretty".

My little bubble hasn't completely burst but seriously, the whole ring is nearly 100 years old. The  band I picked out after month and months of looking and finally decided I wanted an antique ring. This one is dated around late 1920's to early 1930. The diamond has been passed down in the family. The FH was trying to buy a diamond he thought would be appropriate, but let's just say this is a bigger deal to him than it was to me. I was just getting tired of waiting for the ring because he wanted to save enough for the right stone and we are planning a down payment on a house in Houston. So, let's just say the stone was not my focus. Getting the ring was important, so important that i said 4 months ago that he could put whatever he wanted into it. So, he took the stone that was passed down in the family, it is nearly a perfect fit, only .02 smaller than the Old European Cut that we had removed because it really didn't have the zing that he wanted. But even with this .02 difference, I can't tell. And in fact I am kind of excited about how these two pieces came together. It just feels like they were meant to be placed together and to me that represents us.

Did any of you ladies know what you wanted in terms of a diamond? That is did you go about learning all the terms and thinking of size and shape?

I didn't. But I am really happy with my ring. However, I still think the wedding band is to be the most important piece of jewelry I'll ever own.

First, how do I deal with my sister?

Mostly I am not saying anything. Same goes for the wedding. FH and I have agreed to not tell anyone about our wedding until after the fact. 

Second, how do I talk FH out of replacing the center stone? He says the stone will make a great pendant  and we can get something more sparkly for the ring.

third, how much should it sparkle?

one last thing about rings, 

should I have it resized by cutting and putting it back together or get sizing beads? My hands seem to change in size depending on weather and my weight, a 5 to 10 pound fluctuation in either direction almost yearly.

also, her comments make me sad but I can not and will not mention so to my FH. I just need a little comforting.

(((Hugs))))

Thank you.

And thank you for sharing about your sapphire. I had an ethical issue with diamonds, that is to say I don't want a new one, or a blood trade anything, and that is nearly impossible if you have a diamond, and probably even more so with an old one. We really are horrible people at times.

I really do appreciate your words. All this is also particular hard because we lost our mom when I was a younger teen. She'd already done the high school graduation, wedding things, college graduation, baby thing with one sister and some of that with another sister, all before I even had a drivers license. So, I feel like in part I am trying to just stuff up as I go.

I love this board for letting me learn about other girls and this stage of life.

I agree with the other posters. I'm very sorry your sister is hung up on the material things that make up a ring rather than what it actually symbolizes. You said in your post that you feel as if they were "meant to be placed together." That's the sort of thing that comes naturally and can't be forced. Now that you found it, go with it! If your sister makes another comment, just smile and tell her that you love your ring b/c it symbolizes the love your fiance has for you. And that's that.

As for your fiance, I think it will take a bit of work (good call in not mentioning what your sister said to him), but he'll eventually realize you're excited with your ring the way it is. Just keep reminding him of that every time he mentions "upgrading" it. With love, there's nothing to upgrade to when you're the happiest woman in the world with him!

Sparkle also depends on the cut. I had recently read a post where someone thought a brilliant cut round diamond sparkled too much for her taste, so she went with an emerald cut diamond for less sparkle. So, as long as your ring has enough sparkle for you, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!

Last thing - as for the sizing, get about 1/4 or 1/2 size bigger and then use the sizing beads for the winter or when your weight fluctuates. I have the same issue and they work perfectly. You just want to keep your rings from spinning so that they don't wear the sides down.

I hope we're helping to comfort! It's hard for a sister to relate when she's gone through an unhappy marriage first. Just hearing that you're keeping the wedding a secret from her tells me that this wasn't the first time she's been hurtful towards you. I wish you the best of luck, and we're always here if you need to vent again!

I'm so sorry that your sister made those comments to you, its difficult to be criticized by others, especially those that are close to us like family. Just remember that you love the ring and it makes you happy, and that is all that counts. It doesn't matter what she thinks, just try to realize that she is the one with the problem, not you.

On another note, to hopefully make you feel better, I will share my experience with my mother with you. I went to try on wedding gowns for the first time ever, this was right after I got engaged, I don't live near my mom so I went alone. I had a really nice experience at the bridal store, the dresses were flattering to my shape (I'm plus-sized), and I was pleasantly surprised. When I excitedly shared the news with my mother and described the dress this is what she said: " Were you happy with how you looked? You didn't think they made you look fat?" Uhhh...thanks Mom for your words of encouragement and completely managing to burst my bubble, errrrrrrrrrrr.

I'm sending hugs your way!!!!

Wow! thank you all, seriously.

This was great reading as I am getting ready to leave work and head to my sister's house to play bunco with her and her teacher friends.

I love my ring. And I am really happy to hear that I should just tell her to back off, I have the ring I was meant to have. She has hers.

I love that my ring is old. I love that it lived its life in New Orleans. I love that hands made it in 1930, not a machine. I love that it was given to woman out of love, and that she wore it for a long long time. It was left behind, she was likely buried with her wedding band. But here is this ring, and a stone from another ring completely unrelated and unconnected to this ring, as it originally belonged to Mr. Mizunoheaven's father's uncle's wife, who were from Lebanon.

I love this ring, I love my fiance. And I adore all these kind words. I am actually blushing but feeling good about going to her house now.

I have to agree with the other posters. Your sister's not paying for the ring or wearing the ring so her approval is not required. Besides, something tells me that if you showed up wearing a ring that was three times as sparkly as her's she would have STILL found something negative to say!

You definitely sound like you've got it together. You know what you like and you know what makes you happy. I think your sister recognizes that and maybe wishes she had that kind of confidence and happiness. Don't let her words get to you! :)

I agree with everyone else, your sister sounds mean-spirited and jealous/envious.  It is such a shame that she can't be a supportive sister to you, but it seems like you are pretty used to her ways.  I say, brush it off!  It seems like nothing will ever warrant an actual comment from her.  The important thing is that you like your ring and are in love with your FH! 

As a side note, if it is an older stone that has been passed through the family it is probably a european cut, which has less facets and does tend to sparkle a bit less that the newer cuts, but it changes nothing in terms of beauty and value (especially the sentimental value!).