Please give me advise, I hurt family after name change

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You don’t always get the family or the reactions you want or deserve, right or wrong.  You have to choose what you need for you and for you and FI to be happy and healthy and that may be limiting or shutting your family out.  I am sorry they are causing so much stress, but please stand up for yourself!

Post # 3
7 posts

Your family sounds awful and you shouldn’t be surprised that they’re giving you a hard time. If it wasn’t this, it would be something else.

Call yourself Joan of Arc if it fancies you, and tell those people who are sending you FB messages to mind their own business.

Post # 6
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle


KittyNoire:  You do what makes you feel happy! forget your family for being nasty and if they dont have anything positive to say then they shouldnt say anything at all.. Block them if they dont accept it. You are starting a new chapter i your life and are entitled to the name your choose..

Post # 7
12873 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sounds lke your family’s an ass before the name change.  I’d do it if if it’s what made me happy, who cares waht they think and say, it’s “just” a name and has nothig to do with them.  Family or not, I vote to cut toxic people out and not let them have any control.

Post # 10
290 posts
Helper bee

Politely tell anyone that messages you that you have wanted to do it since you were young and you’re an adult. It’s just a name and you didn’t intend to hurt your family but its your decison. If they don’t leave you alone about it after that just tell them that you don’t want to talk about it and you’d hate to have to block them, then change the subject to something more light. That’s all you can really do.

Post # 11
2182 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Change your name.

Learn to be emotionally independent.

Enjoy the new life that you’ve made for yourself with someone who sees you for who you are, and not just for who they wish you would be.

Also, you might want to look into having a group or individual session of family constellations. That’s the best method (at least that I’ve seen) with people who change their name and shed the one their parents gave them. Google family constellations and the area where you live in. 

Lastly, be yourself! And stay true to that. Your parents and family may hurt you and be toxic but don’t do that to yourself ok?

Post # 12
3217 posts
Sugar bee

I think you need to seek couselling to see why it is you care what these “family” members think.

Hopefully, they could give you some skills to work on your confidence and work on methods of dealing with them.

They can only critcize what you tell them about.  Stop telling them anything. 

Post # 15
3217 posts
Sugar bee

Cut them off.  Blood is not a reason to continue to associate with people who clearly are not well.

They are harming you.  If they were drugs everyone would tell you to quit cold turkey.  They are not good for your health, so quit them cold turkey.

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