Post # 1
One of my best friends is getting married soon. After she got engaged she kept saying “you HAVE to be a bridesmaid” for months, completely unprompted by me.
She has recently been making sideways comments about only having a few girls in the wedding, and listing names- mine never included.
She has been emailing and texting daily for my opinion in picking out venues, wedding gowns, photographers, colors, etc – even the bridesmaid’s dresses.
I have avoided bringing it up to her because it is an awkward & I don’t want to be bratty, but recently at an outing, she said “I picked out my bridesmaid’s dresses, I have to show you – you are going to love them!”.
I am truly at a loss for this situation, I feel like all I have been good for is being her free wedding planner (without offering to do so), and now I will be just another guest.
I would like to bring up to her that she hasn’t even addressed that she wanted me as a bridesmaid, and has sidestepped the whole thing.
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@luluum: I think you definitely need to ask her to clarify if you are a BM or not. Other than that, if she sends you pics or only wants to talk about the wedding act uninterested, she’ll figure it out!
Post # 4
@luluum: Definitely just come right out and ask her. This happened to me once. A friend of mine called me up to talk to me for hours one day about getting married, we met up multiple times to talk about it. The day she told me she picked out her dress, I asked if the whole set of bridesmaids were present. She said no, and I just asked who they were, because I honestly thought I’d be one. She listed them, and then said “if I had to have another it would be between you and another girl, but I would probably pick her because you’re in college and you probably don’t want to wear purple anyway.” I was offended at first, but then relieved because it saved me money and stress. I was glad she told me so that I wasn’t second-guessing and hanging on to the idea that I might be one, and I enjoyed just being a guest instead.
Post # 5
@luluum: Wow, daily e-mails? That’s intense. I think it’s worth asking, especially since she’s asking your opinion on bridesmaids dresses, and has been unclear
Post # 6
It’s worth asking, but only so that you get final clarification – because it’s pretty clear from what you’ve posted that you are *not* a bridesmaid. She has asked them already, and you are not one of them.
I’m really sorry, and it’s totally crappy that she screwed you around by commenting all the time that you would be and then yanked it out from under you – and without even being upfront about it.
Post # 7
Leave it alone. If she wanted you to be a bridesmaid, she would have asked you to be. You’re a trusted friend she wants to bounce ideas off of. If you’d rather not answer her questions because you’re bitter about not being in her wedding, then tell her that.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club
Hmmmm… Yeah, her behavior is odd. I’d call her out on it. If you are worried about being “pushy” don’t be. She did this to herself.
Or you could have fun with it and say, “I think that bridesmaid dress would be very flattering, are all of us going to be wearing the same shoes”
Post # 9
@luluum: I would not bring it up to her. Whether or not she chooses you to be a BM, she is a good friend. Would you stop being a good friend if indeed she has not chosen you to be a BM?
At some point, if you are a BM, she will either formally ask you, or give you the information about ordering the dress. If you are not, and you confront her, that is going to be one awkward conversation.