Post # 1
I’m having bridesmaid trouble. Its a little involved so I’ll try to explain without getting too carried away, but ultimatly it comes down to the fact that one of my bridemaids may or may not be able to make it to my wedding because she has finals that week and lives out of town. I completely understand that school should come first, even though I would have appreciated it if she had looked at her schedule for potential conflicts before committing to the wedding party.
Now the biggest problem is that she won’t know until mid January if she can make it to the wedding. At that point I’d have to find someone to take her place with very little time for ordering a dress and having alterations. Plus I’d hate to ask one of my good friends or family members to fill in because I don’t want anyone to feel that they are second choice. Honestly we have a small wedding party because we have so many family members that we limited it to just best friends and siblings so as to not have 20 people standing up there on either side.
Ideally I’d like to be able to ask one of my cousins to fill her spot now so we can get everything in order in time for the wedding and have my original bridesmaid be an honorary bridesmaid instead so that there is less stress for me and less pressure on her to be there. Plus if she is able to make it she’ll still be in a place of honor.
Unfortunatly I don’t think she would take it well if I asked her to step back. And there have been other tensions between us because she is getting married very soon (I’m one of her bridesmaids) and consequently could not afford to purchase her dress for my wedding so I purchased it for her and she’s agreed to pay me back. I guess what I’m most afraid of is that I’ll find out at the last minute she’s not coming and I’ll have to scramble to fill her spot or kick one of my brothers out of the wedding party to create an even number. aaEspecially since she’s not showing much interest in my wedding. (I realize that could be caused by the fact that hers is right around the corner but it still make me anxious that she didn’t even check if she had a conflict until now when I asked her nearly 2 months ago.)
Post # 3
Is it possible to see if she would like to ask someone you both know to stand in her place? This way it will appear she i looking for her own replacement ( with your permission of course). Or you could just go one less BM.
Post # 4
Lots of people have ueven wedding parties, why not just let her stay and if she needs to drop out later let her.
Post # 5
I think you should keep her on and consider dropping a groomsman. it would be offensive to her to ask her to step down and offensive to anyone you would like to step in in her place. Consider also that the honorary BM would have to purchase their dress and jewelry and while they might understand the terms in the beginning, may not be willing to relinquish their title.
Post # 6
why is it necessary to replace her if she can’t make it? I’d feel horrible if i was asked to be a fill-in bridesmaid
Post # 7
I’d say just stick with her and see what happens. If you have uneven sides at the wedding so be it.
Post # 8
I honestly would not ask anyone else nor would I drop a groosman. It is not necessary to have your sides even. If you felt close enough to ask her I would stick with your decision and not ask anyone else later on if for some reason she can’t make it. The wedding party is about having people stand with you that love and care for you not having certain numbers on each side. I personally have to two and my fi has 3.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t do anything to be honest. If she can be there as a bridesmaid that would be great! If she can’t I wouldn’t ask any one to be a fill-in because that could open an entirely new can of worms, and I wouldn’t ask her to step down because that has the potential to damage your friendship I think. I have seen weddings with uneven parites and it looks fine to me, but that is just a preference. It’s your wedding day and you have to do what you like best!
Post # 10
@Ms_Harley_Quinn: In all fairness, your BM is in school and schools do not post their final exam schedules until the beginning of each semester. So your BM would have no feasible way of telling you whether she would have a conflict until her exam schedule came out.
Having said that, I think you should keep her as a BM. I think it would be one thing if she volunteered to step down due to her academic studies, but that doesn’t seem to be the case, and I think it would be hurtful and rude to her if you asked her to step down because of a potential conflict that neither party has control over that won’t even be determined to be a conflict until January of next year. Plus, it’s possible that your BM could get her finals rescheduled (I don’t know what the requirement for rescheduling a final is) or potentially pick her classes so they wouldn’t have conflicting final exam times.
Post # 11
I feel ya! I’m having a similar dilemma but I guess thats for another post. I think its best to decide now so as not to make anyone feel like she was second choice. (I should listen to my own advice) And she shouldn’t expect you to hold her spot until next year if she has already accepted. She should step down and if she is able to make it, come as a guest. It should take the pressure off of her anyway, in regards to school and finacially. Can the dress you bought for her go to the cousin who would replace her? And if can’t ask her to step down and she backs out at the last minute, an uneven bridal party is just fine. But you might be stuck with an extra dress. Its probably best to sort this out now, though I know its a touchy subject. Best of luck!
Post # 12
@MrsH1010: The thing is I’ve purchased all of her attire for my wedding because she says she can’t afford it so she hasn’t extended herself financially to be my BM. Which brings up another potential problem, I have no idea if she can even pay to fly out to be in the wedding.
My FI and I would love to have even sides because its important that we have balance in our ceremony, kind of a cultural thing I guess you could say. And we can’t get rid of a GM because they are all our brothers and we don’t want to insult anyof them by inculding some and not others.
Ultimatly I don’t think she’s invested in being a part of the wedding, its a feeling I get everytime we talk because she changes the subject everytime I bring it up and alsocomplains about the choices we’ve made so far.